**25 Years Ago, He Went Abroad The Stress and Worry Gave Me Cancer**
Ive debated for a long time whether to share my story. Perhaps someone will read it and reflect Maybe someone will recognise themselves in it, or another will avoid the mistakes I made.
I want to remain anonymous, but I need advicejust another perspective.
I married for love
I was young when I fell for himjust 18, while he was 22. It was a pure, deep love, full of trust. We believed we could overcome anything, that nothing mattered as long as we were together.
A year after our wedding, our son was born. I was happy then but not for long. Hard times followed. Money was tightmy wages were meagre, and his salary barely covered the bills. We lived modestly, like many families, but my husband felt it wasnt enough.
*”Im going abroad. The pays better therewell have a better life,”* he announced one day.
I begged him not to go. I said wed manage. Many couples weather hardships together. He didnt listen.
I was left alone with our child.
Years passed.
I hoped hed return, but he refused. He claimed he could earn more abroad. *”Just a little longer,”* hed say, *”and everything will be fine.”*
I pleaded with him to stay. By then, I had a job, and my parents helped with our son. We couldve lived like everyone else But he wouldnt come back.
Raising our child alone, I longed for another babydreamed of a big family. But he said:
*”We cant afford it. Feeding one is hard enough.”*
Yet even with one, he wouldnt stay. Hed visit for a week or two, then leave again.
I raised our son aloneattended parent-teacher meetings, sat up with him through illnesses. I never told my husband when the boy was sickI didnt want to worry him and he never asked.
Still, he didnt return
If hed earned a fortune, if wed lived in luxury, I mightve said, *”It was worth it.”* But no. We barely scraped by.
There were still loansfor the roof, the car, the washing machine. Like everyone else.
I tried explaining, over and overmoney wasnt everything, our son needed his father, I was exhausted But he wouldnt listen.
He lived there. We lived here.
Years rolled on.
Twenty-five years passed.
He came back.
Not with savings, but with debt.
I covered some of it by selling my grandmothers cottage. He thanked me, said he loved me, that wed finally be together.
But at what cost?
Too late
Youd think Id found my safe harbourmy husband home at last, no more travelling, no drinking, no wandering. Youd think Id be relieved.
But suddenly, I realised I couldnt breathe in that house.
To keep the peace, I had to erase myself.
I stopped seeing friendshe disliked them. *”I dont have friends, so why should you?”* He never forbade it, but his looks killed any desire to go.
I stopped dressing up. He hated bright clothes, makeup, heels. Said they were *”unbecoming for a woman our age.”*
I stopped laughing, stopped telling jokes, stopped dreaming.
I existed. Worked. Cleaned. Cooked. Slept.
Once or twice a year, wed go on holidayjust the two of us. No friends, no company. Because he didnt like anyone.
And I endured it. All of it.
But my body couldnt take it
The grind, the constant tension, the loneliness crushed me.
I fell ill.
The diagnosis was grim. Cancer.
My world collapsed in an instant.
I dont know how much time I have left.
But I know this: if I could turn back time, I wouldnt live this way again.
Id never have let myself become a shadow.
Id never have let him dictate my life.
Id never have sacrificed myself for the illusion of family.
Now, its too late.
Our son is grown, with his own life. My parents are oldI care for them as best I can.
And my husband He says he loves me. That hell be here.
But my heart doesnt stir anymore.
I didnt live the way I wanted.
I was a faithful wife. Patient. Gentle. I waited for him. I loved him.
And he He just lived as he pleased.
If I could go back
Id choose myself.
Now, all I can say is thisdont live as I did.
Dont put yourself last.
Dont lose yourself in a relationship that doesnt make you happy.
Lifes too short for waiting.
