For years, I had been my sons unpaid nanny and cookuntil they saw me at the airport with a one-way ticket.
*Nina, hello! Am I interrupting?* The voice of my daughter-in-law, Emily, trilled through the phone with forced cheerfulness.
I stirred the long-cold soup in silence. No, she wasnt interrupting. I was never too busy when they needed something.
*Go on, Emily.*
*Weve got newsabsolute bombshell! Rob and I have booked tickets to Spain for two weeks! All-inclusive, can you believe it? Such a last-minute deal!*
I could imagine it. The sea, the sun, Rob and Emily. And somewhere, just out of frametheir five-year-old son, Oliver. My grandson.
*Congratulations. Im so happy for you.* The words came out flat, lifeless, like a medicine label.
*Right! So youll take Ollie, wont you? He cant go to nursery right nowtheres chickenpox going round.*
Also swimming lessonsbest not to miss them. And speech therapy next weekshed send me the full schedule.
She spoke quickly, not letting me get a word in, as if afraid I might refuse. Though I never had.
*Emily, Id planned to go to the cottage for a few days while the weather holds* I began, barely believing my own weak protest.
*The cottage?* Her voice dripped with genuine surprise, as if Id announced a trip to the moon. *Mum, really? Ollie needs you now. This isnt some holiday for usits for our health! Sea air, vitamins!*
I stared out the window at the grey courtyard. My sea air. My vitamins.
*Oh, and one more thing* No pause. *The cat food deliverys coming Wednesdaypremium stuff, twelve kilos. The couriers window is ten till six, so stay home, alright? And water the plants, especially the orchid. Its fussy.*
She listed my duties as if they were obvious. I wasnt a personjust a function. A free, convenient add-on to their comfortable life.
*Of course, Emily.*
*Brilliant! I knew we could count on you!* Her chirp made it sound like a favour shed done me. *Right, kisses, must dashsuitcase to pack!*
The line went dead.
I set the phone down slowly. My eyes fell on the wall calendar. A red circle marked next Saturdaythe reunion with friends I hadnt seen in nearly a year.
I took a damp cloth and wiped the mark away in one swipe. As if erasing another tiny piece of the life I never got to live.
No anger, no bitterness. Just a sticky, hollow emptinessand one quiet, clear question: *When will they realise Im not just a free service, but a person?*
Perhaps only when they see me at the airport with a one-way ticket.
Oliver arrived the next day. Rob hauled in an enormous suitcase, a swim bag, and three sacks of toys, avoiding my eyes.
*Mum, weve got to dashairport traffic,* he muttered, dumping the suitcase in the hall.
Emily fluttered in behind him, already in holiday modefloral dress, floppy hat. She swept a critical glance over my modest flat.
*Nina, dont let Ollie watch too much tellyread to him instead. And go easy on sweets, or hell be impossible.*
She handed me a sheet folded into quarters. *Schedule, contactsspeech therapist, swim coach, allergist. Meals for each day.*
As if Id never met my own grandson. As if I hadnt cared for him since birth while they built their careers.
*Emily, I know what he likes.*
*Knowing isnt the same as diet,* she snapped. *Ollie, be good for Granny! Well bring you a big, big lorry!*
They left in a cloud of expensive perfume and a lingering draft.
Oliver, realising hed been left behind, wailed. The first three days were a marathonswim lessons across town, speech therapy on the other side. Tantrums, bedtime tears, endless *I want Mummy!* By day four, I was shattered.
I dared to call Rob. Theyd just checked into their hotel.
*Mum? Whats wrong? Ollie alright?* His voice was tense.
*Olivers fine. Rob, I need to talk Its too much. I cant keep this up. Could you hire a nanny for a few hours? Ill pay half.*
Silence. Then a heavy sigh.
*Mum, dont start. We just got here. Emilys been stressed enough. A nanny? Whod we trust? Youre his grandmotherthis should be a joy.*
*Joy doesnt cancel exhaustion. Im not getting younger.*
*Youre just out of practice,* he soothed. *Youll adjust. Lets not ruin each others break. We dont get away often. Right, MumEmilys calling.*
The line clicked. I stared at the phone, something inside me hardening. Not anger. Just cold, clear understanding.
To him, I wasnt a mother who might struggle. I was a resource. Reliable, tested, andabove allfree.
Wednesday came. The courier dumped twelve kilos of cat food on the step, grumbling about *doorstep delivery.* I wrestled the sack inside, wrenching my back. When I finally managed, I sat beside itreeking of fishmealand laughed. A silent, hollow laugh.
That evening, Emily called. Sea sounds and music in the background.
*Nina, hi! Hows my orchid? Rememberfiltered water, not on the leaves!*
She didnt ask about Ollie. Or me. Just the plant.
*I remember, Emily. Everythings fine,* I said, eyeing the damned cat food.
That night, I barely slept. Not thinking of the cottage or my friends. I opened the wardrobe, took out my old savings book and passport. Just held them, tracing the cover.
The idea that had flickered to life now took shape. A plan.
The call came on their tenth day. Rob, mid-afternoon, just as Oliver napped.
*Mum! Hows our little man?*
*Asleep.*
*Listen we love it here. The hotels offering a discount if we stay another week. Fancy that?*
I stayed silent. I knew what came next.
*Thing is were a bit short. Mum, those sapphire earrings Dad left youyou never wear them*
*What are you asking, Rob?* My voice was eerily calm.
*Pawn them?* he blurted. *Well buy them backswear! Whats the point of them gathering dust? This is living!*
Emilys voice cut in: *Rob, stop waffling! Nina, theyre just things!*
Just things. My memories. My family. My lifepawned for their *living.*
Something inside me froze. Not broke. Not cracked. Just turned to icesharp, clear.
The hollowness filled with cold, ringing resolve.
*Fine,* I said evenly. *How much?*
*Five hundred would do it! Knew youd understand!*
*Of course, Rob. Enjoy yourselves.*
I hung up. Peeked into Olivers room. He slept, lips puckered, arms flung wide. My little boyneeded by no one but me.
And the ice in my chest cracked. I couldnt leave him. Couldnt hand him to strangers. But I couldnt go on like this either.
I texted Rob: *I wont pawn the earrings. Your holiday ends in four days. If youre not back by Sunday, I go to social services Monday. No discussion.*
The reply came instantly: *Are you THREATENING us?!*
I didnt answer. I opened the airline site. Booked a ticket. Malaga. Tuesday. One-way.
They returned Sunday evening. Not arrivingstorming in. Sunburned, irritable, livid.
*Happy now?* Emily hissed. *Ruined the best holiday well ever have! Manipulative cow!*
Rob went straight to Olivers room. The boy hurled himself into his arms.
I stepped out, holding my passport with the ticket inside. Utterly calm.
*Im glad youre back for your son,* I said quietly. *Now listen. Both of you.*
They blinked, startled by my tone.
*Five years, Rob. Five years Ive lived as your shadow.*
Id picked Oliver up from nursery when Emily ran late from her salon. Sat up with him teething so they could sleep. Cancelled dozens of plans because *Mum, we need help.*
Id spent more time with their son than they had together. Id been their free function.
I turned to Emily.
*Not once did you ask how I was. Only about your orchid. You thought this would never end. That Id never leave.*
I laid the passport and ticket on the table.
*You were wrong. I love Oliver. Thats why I waited for youwhy I didnt turn your lives into official hell. But my part in it is over. I want to see the sea too.*
Rob paled, staring at the ticket. *Spain? Mum how long?*
*Havent decided.* I shrugged, lifting my small, pre-packed suitcase. *I want to live for myself. And you two? Youre parents now. Fully. No help. No breaks. No sacrifices but your own. Learn.*
I kissed Olivers head. *Granny will be back soon,* I lied, forcing a smile.
Then I walked out. Left them in my little flatwith twelve kilos of cat food, a finicky orchid, and full responsibility for their lives.
For the first time in years, I didnt feel hollow. I felt something new.