The man came home and, without even taking off his coat, immediately called out, “We need to talk.”
He stepped through the door, still in his shoes, still wrapped in his coat, and without hesitation said:
“Emma! We need to have a serious chat…”
And then, barely catching his breath, his eyes wide:
“I’ve fallen in love!”
*Well, here we go*, Emma thought. *Midlife crisis has arrived at our doorstep. Lovely.* But she said nothing, only studied his face closelysomething she hadnt done properly in five or six (or was it eight?) years.
They say your life flashes before your eyes before you die. For Emma, it was their shared history that played out instead. Theyd met in the most ordinary wayonline. Emma had shaved three years off her age, while her future husband had added three centimetres to his height. Somehow, despite the stretch, theyd matched each others criteria and… found one another. She couldnt remember who messaged first, but she knew his note hadnt been crude. It had a light self-deprecating tone, which she liked. At thirty-three and average-looking, she was realistic about her prospects in the marriage market. If she wasnt at the very back of the queue, she was certainly second-last. So shed resolved, for their first date, to turn a blind eye, wear rose-tinted glasses, put on lacy underwear, and tuck a book and some homemade biscuits into her handbag.
The first meeting went surprisingly smoothlyproof that first impressions mattered. Their romance moved quickly after that. They enjoyed each others company, and after six months of steady datingand relentless nudging from parents whod given up hope of ever seeing grandchildrenhe proposed. Families were introduced, a modest wedding was agreed upon, and, fearing second thoughts, they picked the earliest available date.
Life, in Emmas opinion, was good. Their marriage had a temperate climateno scorching African passions, but warm, steady, and respectful. What more could anyone ask for? Her husband, a typical bloke, was straightforward and uncomplicated. Within weeks of the wedding, hed dropped the act of being an “empathetic, soft-spoken romantic bloke with a heart of gold” and settled into who he really wasa simple, hardworking man with a fondness for comfy tracksuit bottoms.
Emma, being the more complex of the two, gradually shed her “mysterious, intellectual, effortlessly sexy homemaker” persona. She relaxedslowly at first, then quicker when pregnancy sped things along. Within a year, shed happily abandoned all pretences, swapping fussy outfits for a cosy dressing gown.
The fact that neither regretted dropping their façades convinced Emma theyd made the right choice. Daily life and raising two children kept them busy, but their ship stayed afloat. Storms came and went, but they always settled back into calm waters. Grandparents helped where they could, careers progressed steadily, and they still travelled and made time for hobbiesnever pushing beyond what was sensible.
Twelve years in, hed never once strayednot even a harmless flirtation. Emma wasnt the jealous type, and he couldve gotten away with it, but the thought of him trying made her smirk. Early on, hed realised traditional compliments werent his strong suit, so hed switched tacticsnow he just widened his eyes silently (or maybe at a frequency she couldnt hear?). Over time, Emma learned to read his emotions by the roundness of his eyes: wild astonishment, quiet approval, accidental surprise, sudden panic, utter indignation.
And now she pictured him flirting with some creature, his eyes growing wider and wider…
Her throat dried up. She imagined him transforming into a startled owl and let out a nervous laugh.
“So… whats this little fling of yours called?”
His eyes practically crawled up his forehead. Fumbling, trembling, he managed to choke out:
“How… how did you guess it was a *rat*?! No, waityou dont understand. I couldnt walk past her when I saw her… just look at her! So perfect, so soft, so beautiful… she reminds me of you…”
From under his shirt, he carefully pulled out a small grey rat with pink translucent ears, a pink nose, and beady black eyes.
Emma stopped listening. She stared at her husband, at his new little companion, at their matching twitching noses, and felt overwhelmingly happybecause of all the rats in the world, hed fallen in love with one that looked just like her.
