A Sea of Doubts

**A Sea of Doubt**

The night had fallen, the rain had passed, and through the window, Helen saw her own blurred reflectiona woman with a tangled soul. For months, she had been torn between two men. Between duty and passion. Between the past and the future.

The first was Edward, her husband. With him, she felt safe, warm, and secure. Over six years of marriage, he had built around her a cosy, dependable fortress. The second In her mind, she called him nothing but “the boy.” He was younger, and in that word lay all the boundless, terrifying tenderness she feared to set free, even in her own thoughts.

Edward had been introduced to her by friends.

After a messy break-up with a schoolmate who had chosen her best friend instead, Helen had struggled to recover. She withdrew, vowing to live without romance. She felt doomed to play a side character in other peoples love storiesno grand confessions, no bouquets of flowers, no sleepless nights of happiness. Just grey, monotonous days.

Until, at a party, a friend pointed Edward out:

“Look, thats the architect I told you about. Clever, ambitious. And most importantlysolid as a rock.”

Edward looked older than his years, dressed formally, almost old-fashioned. But the moment he spoke, the world seemed to shift. He was a brilliant conversationalistwitty, sharp, his jokes precise but never cruel. When they parted, he had gazed at her and said,

“You, Helen, remind me of a Pre-Raphaelite paintingjust as unattainable and melancholy.”

She had to Google who the Pre-Raphaelites were, and she marvelled at his knowledge. That was just the beginning. The architect was relentless, and Helen, worn down by loneliness, surrendered almost at once. Two months later, she moved in with him.

Her parents frowned.

“Darling, are you sure?” her mother pressed. “You dont look at him with lovejust gratitude, like a rescued kitten.”

Helen brushed it off. What was there to doubt?

They married within six months. Edward crafted a perfect world around her, shielding her from chores, worries, any storm. He called her his Princess, himself her Faithful Knight. She thought men like him didnt exist anymore.

“Why should you cook?” hed say, bustling in the kitchen. “A womans purpose is to be happy, to inspire her husband. Rest.”

She revelled in his care, basking in her flawless role in their perfect play. But when she brought up children, imagining what a devoted father he would be, Edward gently stopped her.

“Lets not rush happiness, Princess. Arent we happy just as we are?”

Five years passed.

The calm, measured life cracked the day Helen collided with a man outside a business centre. Rushing to a presentation, she crashed into someone solid.

“Oh, Im so sorry!” she gasped, looking up.

Before her stood a man who couldve been an actorblond, with laughing blue eyes.

“No harm done,” he grinned. “No catastrophe. In a hurry?”

She nodded and dashed off, feeling his gaze on her back. During her speech, she spotted him in the front row, watching her with a smile that made her voice falter.

He waited for her afterwards.

“You left so fast I thought you were running late again. Fancy a lift? No crashes this time.”

Against all caution, she agreed.

***

Helen lost her head. Shed forgotten how passion felthow the world shrank to the sound of one voice, one smile. The simple question, “How was your day?” became the sweetest melody.

“I feel awake when Im with you,” she told him once.

“And I feel like Im breathing properly for the first time in years,” he replied.

His name was Leo. Not “the boy,” noLeo. Strong, fearless. After months of stolen meetings, she was ready to leave everything for him.

But

First, her mother fell seriously ill. How could she burden her recovery with divorce news? She waited. Then Edward slipped, broke his leg, was in a cast for months. Of course, Helen postponed the difficult conversation. Playing nurse gave her a lawful reprieve.

By the time Edward, still leaning on a cane, was recovering, her passion for Leo had cooled, replaced by reason. “Think carefully. Edward is stability. Your home.” Yet her heart ached, pounding in her ears: “Leo!”

Meanwhile, Leo grew impatient. One evening, as Helen touched up her makeupclaiming a business meetingEdward limped up behind her, resting a hand on her shoulder.

“You look beautiful tonight, Princess. Like our first date.”

His voice brimmed with devotion. Her stomach twisted.

“Edward I need to tell you something,” she whispered.

“Important?” he smiled softly. “Well talk tonight. Ill cook your favourite. Dont be late.”

His kiss on her head burned like a brand.

Leo waited by his car. “Well? Did you tell him?”

“I couldnt. Hes still weak”

His grip loosened. “Pity. Duty. Gratitude. But when do we matter?”

Helen closed her eyes, heart splintering. “Just a little more time.”

“Time?” He laughed bitterly. “We never had any.”

They drove to a hotel. She watched his clenched jaw, the fight slipping away.

At home, Edward trusted her blindly. How tired she was of lying.

At their next meeting, Leo gave her a month. Then, on Edwards birthday, a text came: “Last chance. Dont comeits over.”

An ultimatum.

Edward opened her giftexpensive cufflinksthen said quietly, “I dont need these.”

“Why? You liked them.”

“That was before. Back when you looked at menot your phone.”

She froze. He knew. Strangely, relief washed over her.

“I didnt want to hurt you”

“You lied for me?” His voice turned cold. “Then consider me unhurt. But were done.”

Helen didnt go to Leo straight away. She sat outside, smoking, hands shaking. The perfect world had crumbled. The fortress was a cage. Now she was just Helenlight as a feather, directionless.

The wind blew toward Leo.

She reread his message. Once, those words wouldve thrilled her. Now, only dread pricked her.

He opened the door immediately, stepping back without a hug. His face was weary.

“I told him. Im free.”

“Congratulations.”

No joy. Just resignation.

“Well?” she pressed. “We can be together now!”

He shook his head. “We waited too long. You hesitated so much, I burned out. You were always the obstaclenot him.”

Her lightness vanished. “But I did it for us!”

“I loved you. But you drained me. Love shouldnt exhaust you.”

“So this is it?”

“I cant be with you, Helen.”

She left without begging.

***

The first days were numb. Friends called; she ignored them. Her mother pitied her in silence. Weeks later, she tried Leo. No answer. A text came: “Dont. Itll only hurt. Take care.”

Edward filed for divorce.

Months passed. Helen moved into a tiny flat, started a new job. But at night, she criednot for Edward, not for Leo, but for herself. The woman lost between “Princess” and “sinner.”

Once, she saw Edwardwalking confidently, no cane, laughing with another woman. Unseen, she realised his world had rebuilt. Without her.

Her mothers words echoed: *If you leave and no one calls you back, youre going the right way.*

It was time to move on. Life was too short to cling to old love.

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A Sea of Doubts
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