**A Sea of Doubt**
It was already dark, the rain had stopped, and through the window, Helen saw her blurred reflectiona woman with a tangled soul. For months, she had been torn between two men. Between duty and passion. Between the past and the future.
The first was Edward, her husband. With him, she felt safe, warm, and comfortable. Over six years of marriage, he had built a cosy fortress around her. The second In her mind, she called him nothing but “the boy.” He was younger, and in that word hid a boundless, terrifying tenderness she was afraid to set free, even in her thoughts.
Edward had been introduced to her by friends.
After a humiliating breakup with a schoolmate who had chosen her best friend instead, Helen had withdrawn, convinced she was doomed to be a spectator in other peoples love stories. No grand declarations, no bouquets of flowers, no sleepless nights of happinessjust grey monotony.
Until, at a party, her friend pointed out Edward:
*”Look, thats the architect I told you about. Clever, promising. And most importantlysolid as a rock.”*
Edward looked older than his years, dressed formally, almost old-fashioned. But when he spoke, the world seemed to shift. He was a brilliant conversationalistwitty, sharp, his jokes precise but never cruel. Within an hour, Helen felt as if he could see right through her.
*”You, Helen, are like a painting from the Pre-Raphaelites,”* he said as they parted, admiring her face. *”Just as distant and sorrowful.”*
Shed had to look up who the Pre-Raphaelites were, impressed by his knowledge. That was just the beginning. The architect was persistent, and Helen, exhausted by loneliness and rejection, gave in almost immediately. Two months later, she moved in with him.
Her parents frowned.
*”Are you sure, love?”* her mother pressed. *”You look at him not with love in your eyes, but like a grateful kitten rescued by a kind family.”*
Helen brushed it off. What doubts could there be?
Six months later, they married. Edward built a perfect world around her, shielding her from chores, worries, any storm. He called her his Princess and himself her Faithful Knight. She thought men like him didnt exist anymore.
*”Why should you cook?”* hed say, bustling in the kitchen. *”A womans calling is to be happy, to inspire her husband. Rest.”*
She revelled in his care, played her flawless role in their perfect play. But when she brought up children, imagining what a devoted father hed be, Edward would gently stop her: *”Lets not rush happiness, Princess. Arent we happy just as we are?”*
Five years passed.
Their steady life cracked the day Helen collided with a man in the doorway of a business centre. Rushing to a presentation, she crashed into someone solid, yet yielding.
*”Oh, Im so sorry!”* she gasped, looking up.
Before her stood a young man who couldve been an actorblonde, with laughing, endless eyes.
*”No harm done,”* he grinned. *”No disaster yet. Running late?”*
Helen nodded and hurried off, feeling his gaze on her back. During her speech, she spotted him in the front row, smiling straight at her. That look stole her breath and tangled her words.
He waited for her after.
*”You dashed out so fast, I thought you were late again. Fancy a lift? No collisions this time.”*
Always sensible, cautiousyet, suddenly, she agreed.
***
Helen lost her head. Shed forgotten how passion felthow the world shrank to the size of one person, to the sound of his voice, his smile. When *”How was your day?”* sounded like the most beautiful music
*”I feel awake when Im with you,”* she told him once.
*”And I feel like Im breathing properly for the first time in years,”* he replied.
His name was Leo. Not “the boy,” of course. Leo! Strong, fearless. After months of stolen moments, she was ready to leave everything for him.
But
First, her mother fell seriously ill. How could she darken her recovery with news of a divorce? She waited. Then Edward slipped, broke his leg, was in a cast for months. Of course, Helen postponed the difficult talk. Playing nurse gave her a lawful reprieve.
By the time Edward, her Knight, still limped with a cane, her passion for Leo had dulled, replaced by cold reason. *”Dont rush. Think. Edward is stability. Hes your home.”* Yet her heart, battered and desperate, screamed: *”Leo!”*
Meanwhile, Leo grew impatient, demanding more of her time. One evening, Helen stood at the mirror, pretending to prepare for a work meeting when really, Leo waited outside.
Edward approached, leaning on his cane, and rested a hand on her shoulder.
*”You look beautiful today, Princess. Just like on our first date.”*
His voice brimmed with such boundless love and trust that something inside her snapped.
*”Edward I need to tell you something”* she whispered, trembling.
*”Something important?”* He smiled softly. *”Well talk tonight. Ill make your favourite roast. Go on, dont be late.”*
He kissed her forehead, and it burned like a brand.
Leo waited by his car. The moment she sat inside, his hand closed around hers.
*”Well? Did you tell him?”*
*”I couldnt. Hes still so weak, still on the cane”*
Leo slowly released her hand.
*”Pity. Responsibility. Gratitude.”* Each word struck true. *”But tell mehow much longer? When does our happiness begin? Have you thought of me?”*
Helen shut her eyes, feeling her heart shatter.
*”Just a little more time, please.”*
*”Time,”* he scoffed bitterly. *”We never had any to begin with.”*
He started the car, and they drove to a hotel. She watched his clenched jaw, knowing she was losing him. And at home, Edward waited with blind, forgiving faithand a roast dinner.
She was so tired of lying, hiding, torn between duty and love. She had to choosebut who? Why couldnt she decide? What was she afraid of?
At their next meeting, Helen begged Leo for another month. He agreed too easily. Then, on Edwards birthday, a text came: *”Im waiting. Last chance. Dont come, and its over.”*
An ultimatum. And what timing. Her blood ran coldshe couldnt possibly go tonight.
Edward was unwrapping his giftan expensive watchwhen he glanced at her and said quietly,
*”Thank you, Princess. But I dont need a watch.”*
*”Why? You said you liked this model.”*
*”That was a long time ago Back when you looked at me the way you now look at your phone, waiting for a message. Who is he?”*
Helen froze. He knew! For how long? Oddly, she felt relief, not shame. The mountain of lies had finally crumbled.
*”I didnt want to hurt you, especially after your injury”*
*”So you lied for my sake?”* Edward cut in, his voice unnaturally cold. *”Were done.”*
Helen didnt go to Leo straight away.
She sat on a bench outside, smokingthough shed quit years ago. Her hands shook, but inside, she felt an eerie calm. Everything had collapsed: Edwards perfect world, her role as Princess, the fortress that had become a cage.
Now she was just Helen. Free of secrets. Alone, a little guilty, and terrifyingly lightlike a feather the wind could blow anywhere.
And that wind blew toward Leo.
She reread his message: *”Im waiting. Last chance. Dont come, and its over.”* Once, those words wouldve made her pulse race. Now, they barely pricked her with anxiety.
Leo lived in a studio flat. She took a taxi. In the lift, her heart finally began to pound. She pictured him opening the door, pulling her close, his eyes alightfinally, they could be together.
It was only the beginning.
The door opened instantly, as if hed been waiting behind it. But Leo didnt embrace her. He stepped back, gesturing for her to enter. His face was grave, tired.
*”I did it. I told him everything. Im free. Do you hear me?”*
She said it eagerly, expecting relief, joybut he just walked to the window and looked at her.
*”Congratulations.”*
No delight in his gaze. Just detached sadness.
*”Well?”* she pressed. *”Are you just going to stand there? We waited for this. Nothings in our way now. We can really be together.”*
He shook his head slowly. None of his
