There are no secrets between us.
“Jenny! Jen, why are you just standing there like a statue? Come on, well be late for the cinema! And we still need to get popcorn,” called her friend, Emily.
“Huh?” Jenny turned to her with a dazed expression, her heart suddenly racing.
“Whats wrong with you? Lets go! The others are already waiting,” Emily said, impatient now.
“Em, listen I really dont feel right. You go ahead, Ill head back to the halls,” Jenny replied.
“Should I call a doctor? Youve gone completely pale,” Emily fretted.
“No, no Just apologise to Steven for me, okay?” Jenny tried to steady her voice, but it trembled anyway.
“Fine, then. Go rest. Maybe its just exam stress?” Emily suggested.
“Yeah, probably,” Jenny forced a smile.
Emily left, glancing back a few times. Jenny slumped onto a bench, pulled out a bottle of water, took a few sips, and wiped her face. It helped a little.
She hadnt told Emily what had shaken her. It wasnt the exams. Just minutes before, a pregnant woman had walked past, pushing a pram with two children in tow. Emily hadnt even noticed, but Jenny She rubbed her cheeks and was pulled back ten years.
—
“Jenny, why are you dawdling with the dishes? Hurry up. I still need you to fetch nappies,” her mother snapped, stepping into the kitchen.
Jenny dropped a plate. It clattered loudly into the sink. From the bedroom came the wail of baby George.
“Clumsy girl! Now go and settle himI just got him to sleep! Cant you hold anything properly?” her mother shouted.
“Coming” Jenny muttered hoarsely and shuffled to the cot.
Jenny was the eldest in a family where her father had left before she turned two. Her mother cycled through boyfriends, having a child with each. All the chores and childcare fell to Jennylooking after Lucy, Marie, Tommy, and baby George.
“Has he gone back to sleep?” asked Natalie, cracking open a jar of jam.
“Yeah” Jenny whispered, returning to the dishes.
“Leave those. Go get nappies. You can finish them after school,” Natalie ordered.
“Mum, Ill be late. My form tutor already lectures me,” Jenny protested.
“Ten minutes wont kill you. I used to skip school altogether, and lookI turned out fine,” Natalie said breezily.
Jenny trudged to the shop. On her way back, nappies in hand, she bumped into classmates eating ice creams.
“Oh, lookits Mummy Jenny,” one of them sneered.
The nickname had stuck ever since shed been spotted pushing her siblings in a pram. She longed to be like the othershanging out, going to the cinema, reading books, talking about boys. Not hauling nappies around. She didnt hate her siblings, but she resented her mother.
—
By eighteen, Jenny dreamed of freedomuniversity, moving to the city. After Georges maternity leave, her mother went back to work.
One warm May morning, Jenny found Natalie pale and sweating.
“Mum, are you ill?” Jenny asked.
“Yeah. Feel sick. Fry some eggs for breakfast. The smell of food makes me heave,” Natalie rasped.
“Whats wrong?” Jennys voice trembled.
“Jenny, dont be daft. Im pregnant. Me and Uncle Dave are having a baby,” Natalie said.
“Why, Mum? Youre forty” Jenny stared, stunned.
“You think I want this? Dave insisted. Oh, and hes moving in soon. Well have to squeeze in. Now go fry those eggs.”
Jenny made her decision thenshed leave. That August, she passed her exams and stormed out, never looking back.
The city was a fresh start. She found part-time work, made friends. She vowed never to have childrenshed live for herself.
—
“Miss? Can you hear me?” A mans voice snapped her out of the memory.
“Sorry, what?” she blinked.
“Are you alright?”
“Fine. Just tired, didnt sleep well, I suppose.”
“Then maybe a coffee? Theres a nice café nearby,” he offered warmly.
She agreed. His name was Andrew. They hit it off instantly and soon started dating. But the longer they were together, the heavier Jennys inexplicable dread grew. She might have wanted marriagebut the thought of children sent her into panic.
One evening, Andrew took her to a restaurant. She sensed what was coming and had already decided to say no.
At the table, he slid open a velvet ring box.
“Jen, I love you. I want you to be my wife. But before you answer, theres something you should know,” he began.
“And whats that?” Jenny asked, the ring blurring through unshed tears.
“Jen, I cant have children. Its definite. If you marry me, I need you to understandI wouldnt want to adopt, either.” His voice shook slightly.
“Ill marry you,” Jenny said, tears breaking free.
“Are you sure?”
“Completely. Theres something I should tell you too, but not here. Just knowI dont want children. Not now, not ever.”
They married. Soon after, they moved cities. Her mother and siblings didnt even know where she lived. She cut all ties, content with Andrew.
At last, Jenny was happy. Some might call it strange, but happiness is different for everyone. Their cosy home was warm and quiet. Andrew worked for a big firm; Jenny opened a small art studio, a dream realised.
Evenings were spent on the balcony with tea, sharing thoughts. Their life was simple, free of drama. Some didnt understand their choice, but Jenny knewthis was what shed always wanted.
Sometimes she remembered her childhood, but the memories no longer hurt. They were just part of her storythe one that led her here, to this quiet joy. And watching Andrew smile, Jenny knewshed chosen right.
