**Diary Entry**
I cant believe it. You brought this on yourself, Mum said, as if it were that simple. Oh, for heavens sake! So he stepped out on you. All men do it. Stop whinging and go make up. Or do you expect me to take you in with that belly of yours?
Mum he *cheated* on me, I reminded her.
My whole world has crumbled. Yesterday, I caught my husband in bed with someone else. Today, my own mother all but shoved me out the door. And both of them spoke to me like I was some petulant child throwing a tantrum.
So he cheated. What of it? Mum frowned. You pushed him to it. Do you think youre the only woman in the world carrying a child? Plenty manage without making a fuss. But no, youve got to be the delicate little princess. You kept workingclearly, you werent *that* ill.
Mum! Dont you remember waiting up for Dad all those nights? I asked through tears.
Exactly my point! She threw her hands up. They all stray. Only some get caught. Right, youve got a week to sort things out. If you dont, youre on your own.
Just yesterday, shed raged about my husband, swearing hed get whats coming to him. Now? She was practically shoving me back into the arms of the man who betrayed me. Deep down, I knew the truthMum just didnt want the burden of helping me.
Not that Id asked. But right now, a shoulder to lean on wouldve meant everything. Especially since Im pregnant.
Mum knew exactly how this felt. DadRichardcheated on her constantly. She took it *differently*. Shed cry, pace the floors at night, wait for him. Then, when he slunk back at dawn with flowers, shed beat him with the bouquet.
Never buying you roses again, he joked once, shameless. Too prickly.
And shed laugh with him. Every time he strayed, shed unleash a storm of wounded pridethen demand compensation. Sometimes subtle, sometimes outright. Thats how she got her mink coat, the car, a shelf full of French perfume.
Hes like putty after, shed boast to her friend. Thats when I strike. What, should I just walk away? At least this way, I get something out of it.
Jen maybe just divorce him? her friend sighed. This isnt living.
And hand him to some other woman? Not a chance, Mum scoffed.
Over the years, she convinced Dad to sign the flat over to her, even had it renovated. For security, shed say. He might leave one day, and where would that leave her? Dad went along with it.
They split when I was eight. He vanished into another womans life. We barely spokeneither of us was eager to bridge the gap, exchanging perfunctory calls on birthdays and Christmas.
Mum was devastated, but she adapted. For a while, we lived off what was left of the good days. Then she had to go back to work.
Went from living like royalty to counting pennies, shed lament.
At least youre not wondering whose bed hes in, her friend would say.
True. Just wondering how to pay the bills.
Life got hard. Hard enough that Mum pawned her gold jewellery. But we adjustedsmaller meals, fewer theatre trips, wearing clothes past their season.
I swore Id never end up like her. Never let my children see that kind of marriage.
What a fool I was.
Ive walked right into her footsteps.
James was well-offinherited money, sharp mind, a chain of salons across London. Steady income, good prospects.
But that wasnt why I fell for him. Early on, he had this way of talking about relationshipshow communication was everything.
People just need to *talk*, hed say. Half the divorces out there? Couldve been avoided with a proper conversation.
He seemed gentle, understanding, kind. But once we married, the cracks showed. James would bring me peaches in bed, dash out at midnight for my cravings, cover my salon visits. Yet the moment things got tough? A different man emerged.
I worried when he worked late. Hed brush me off: Busy, darling. When I begged him to at least *call*, hed nodthen ignore me.
James, do you have any idea how worried I get? I snapped once, after another midnight return.
Liv, thats *your* anxiety. Not my problem.
And if it were me disappearing?
Then Id deal with it. Without bothering you.
His logic baffled me. He preached compromiseuntil his own comfort was at stake. I gave in, telling myself all men were clueless about emotions.
Maybe thats why I refused to quit my jobeven after the morning sickness hit. I wouldnt depend on him.
A brutal decision. By the second month, nausea was relentless. Standing too fast? Dizziness. Constant headaches. All I wanted was silence, but I dragged myself to work anyway.
Turns out, I was right to.
First, our routine crumbled. I stopped cooking; dinners became pasta, ready-made pies, the occasional takeaway. James never complainedif he fancied something fancy, hed order it. I mistook that for patience.
Then, intimacy vanished. My body wasnt up to it. He sulked at first, but seemed to accept it.
Or so I thought.
His phone was glued to himclients, staff, suppliers. But lately, he took it *everywhere*. Even the shower. I checked it once. Found the texts. The photos. The sickly-sweet pet names.
I confronted him that night.
This is *your* fault! he spat. What, you expected me to live like a monk? Im a man! A *year* without sex? Then kids? And whata lifetime of headaches? What did you *think* would happen?
Understanding. Patience, I choked out. Not betrayal.
Try seeing *my* side. Dave at the salonhis wifes pregnant too. Doesnt push him away. But *you*? Too much effort, is it?
Thats when I saw him clearly. The kindness was a veneer. Underneath? Pure selfishness.
I packed a bag and went to Mums, desperate for comfort. Instead, I got blame.
Mum, I *need* help right now
I *am* helping. Go back to him. You need a husband. That baby needs a father. Stop snivelling.
Mums world was different. Affairs were transactional. Forgiveness was strategy. Maybe she truly believed she was saving me.
But I couldnt.
The next day, I met Angelaan old colleague, still a close friend.
Liv, this is rough but youll get through it, she said gently. Maternity pay, child support, benefitsyou wont be homeless. Hell, move in with me. Ive got the space. Well split bills. Not forever, but for now.
I was stunned. My husband blamed me. My mother sided with him. Yet here was someone offering helpno strings.
Of course I said yes. Not just for the room, but for the lifeline.
Back home, I packed properly. Mum caught me at the door.
Changed your mind, then? Made up?
I looked her in the eye.
Never.
She gasped, splutteredbut I was already gone. Inside, I was raw, terrified. But for the first time in years, I could breathe.
No matter what comes next, I wont go back. Not to him. Not to her. Ill claw my way through hell first. Because betrayal? Thats a loneliness worse than being alone.
