“Shell regret this!”
Thats what Oliver thought when his wife unexpectedly announced she was filing for divorce. Just yesterday, everything had been fineshe was washing his socks and ironing his shirtsand now, out of nowhere, divorce papers! And for no reason at all! Oliver worked hard, never raised a hand to her, rarely went out, and drank in moderation.
“What more does she bloody want?!” he fumed. “Found herself some other bloke, has she? Shell regret this! Shell come crawling back in tears! Just you waitIll show her!”
While his thoughts were a jumble of rage, his wife, Emily, was saying the same things shed been saying for years:
“Im exhausted, carrying everything on my shoulders! I work, I clean, I cook, I look after our son. Ive had enough! Ive done the mathsyou cost more than you bring in! When you disappeared for three days last month, I realised life was easier without you. The house is cleaner, quieter. I dont have to cook for youTommy and I dont need steak every night! Without you, the stove stays spotlessI make a stew or some bangers and mash, and no one wolfs it all down in one go. I just want things to be easier. Im sick of turning into some frumpy, worn-out woman. I dont even recognise myself when youre around. Youre embarrassing, expensive, and exhausting!”
“When was the last time you read Tommy a book? Never? When did you take him to the park? Bathe him? What does he ever hear from you except ‘Go away, Im tired’? Do you even know which school hes starting in September? Whats his teachers name? When did he last have his swimming lessons? You dont care about him at all! You live under the same roof, but you dont even talk to him! All he sees is a drunk dad passed out on the sofa with a can of beer, or a sleeping dad in the same state. What kind of example is that? Why does he need a father like you? Do you remember his birthday? No? Then whats the point of you? I wont live like this anymore!”
“Doesnt she ever get tired of saying the same old rubbish?” Oliver had wondered just yesterday. This hysterical rant was Emilys nightly routine while he shoveled down whatever shed cooked straight from the pan. “Typical nagging,” hed always thought. “She just likes dramatoo much time on her hands.”
Everything had been fine! And now thisdivorce out of the blue!
“Shell regret it! Thinks shell find another man? A washed-up thirty-year-old? Just watchshell be begging me back in two days! And then Ill decide if I even want to go!”
“Ive packed your things. I cant stand the sight of you anymore. Get out.”
“Fine!” Oliver swallowed the last of his sausage. “Ill go. But whether I come backthats another question!”
He gave her a final chance to change her mindlingering as he laced his shoes, rustling the bags of his belongings, hovering by the door. But she didnt budge. “Stubborn cow,” he muttered, annoyed he hadnt grabbed a few more sausages before leaving.
He had no choice but to move in with his mum. She, of course, launched into the same old lecturewhat happened, why did she kick you out, what did you do, surely it wasnt for no reason?
“Well, it was! She threw me out for nothing!” Oliver argued. “I did everything for this family! I worked! Brought money home! But it was never enough for heralways moaning about shoes or coats. Wants a rich bloke, does she? Probably already found one! Thats why she kicked me out! Got bored! Wanted more attention!”
His mum threw her hands up and called Emily, but the conversation clearly went nowhereno one called Oliver back.
“Doesnt matter. Shell regret it. Wheres she going to find another man like me? Whod want a single mum with a kid?” Oliver reasoned, picking up a discounted six-pack at the supermarket.
At the first court hearing, Emily looked differentmaybe a new haircut, maybe makeup. But she looked good. Smiling. Answering questions nervouslysaying there hadnt been a real marriage for years. That shed done everything alone, no help, no support. That hed never spent time with their son.
“Just more nagging,” Oliver muttered, trying to steady his hands. He couldve done with a drink, but hed held off before court.
The judgea woman, of coursesmirked as she asked, “Do you drink excessively?”
“I barely touch the stuff!” Oliver snapped. “Two pints after work, tops! Right now? Well, Im stressedmy wife left me!”
“Right,” she said dryly.
She gave them three months to reconcile. Oliver glanced at his soon-to-be ex-wifestill not regretting it?
“Ugh, are you ever sober?” Emily wrinkled her nose at him. Clearly not.
“Fine, Ill wait,” Oliver decided. “Lets see how she feels in three months! Shell come crawling back!” He loved imagining Emily pleading for him to returnonly for him to refuse. Or maybe take her back, but on his terms.
But Emily made no effort to reconcileignored the courts suggestion entirely. No calls, no texts. Acted like Oliver didnt exist.
“Shes definitely found someone else!” But cautious enquiries and a scroll through social media turned up nothing. Everyone said she was still single.
So after three months, Oliver braced for victoryshe mustve realized how hard life was without a man.
“Shell be in tears!” he told his mum. “Shell drop the case, youll see!”
Yet at the next hearing, Emily wasnt smiling. She was focused, serious. Still not backing down. “Waiting for me to beg,” Oliver realised. “Not happening.”
Somehow, the divorce just happened. Oliver didnt object.
Then came the awkward bit. The judge asked about custodyany requests? Naturally, Emily spoke up.
“Tommy stays with me. His fathers never shown interest. Ask him when his sons birthday is.”
“Oliver James, when is your sons birthday?” the judge asked, eyebrow raised.
Oliver fumbled for his paperssurely it was written somewhere.
“No peeking!” the judge smirked. Bloody women in powera male judge would never ask such things.
“Third of June!” Oliver blurted.
“Its today!” Emily scoffed. “Tommys birthday is today! Sixth of June! Hes seven!”
“Did you at least congratulate him on the third?” the judge quipped.
Why did women get these jobs? Oliver stayed silent.
“Any objections to custody arrangements?”
“No!” Oliver snapped.
Of course, the court sided with Emily. “And now shell slap me with child support,” Oliver thought bitterly. But then he perked upthis was it. Emily would break down now. Her life was ruined! A divorced single mumno one would want her!
But as he watched, Emily stood outside the courthouse, chatting with a friend.
“Liz! What are you doing here?”
“Just some paperwork. You?”
“Just got divorced! Free woman now!” And she laughed.
Laughed! Oliver couldnt believe it. Her life had just collapsed, and she was laughing! “Women are mental. No sane person laughs on a day like this! She needs her head checked!”
He stormed over.
“cant celebrate today, its Tommys birthday” Emily was saying.
“I thought youd be crying, but you dont care?!” Oliver cut in. “Youll regret this! Ill sue you! The house! Tommy! Youll see!”
“The house is my grans,” Emily said calmly. “And since when do you care about Tommy? Whats actually wrong?”
“Whats wrong?!” Oliver ranted for agesshed destroyed their family, robbed their son of a father, betrayed him, thrown him out, probably had someone else, would die alone with forty cats.
Even long after Emily had left, Oliver kept muttering, “Shell regret this.”
