I still remember that afternoon on the market square, when James shouted across the road, Emma! Emma! His voice cut through the chatter of the stalls.
Emma let out a heavy sigh, set her grocery bags on the curb and paused. She glanced at the car belonging to her former husband parked on the opposite side, puckered her lips, and lowered her head. How weary she felt of all this. James ran toward her, nearly stumbling, eager to help.
Hello, Emma, he said, reaching for the bags.
Hi, she replied.
I was just passing by, saw you struggling with those heavy bags and thought Id lend a hand, he said with a strained smile. Come on.
Passing by? You live on Stonebridge, and this is the outskirts of town
James had already turned toward his own car, two bags in his hands.
Picked up a mate from work, and then I saw you couldnt just drive past, he shrugged. Let me give you a lift home.
Its only about a quarter of a mile, Emma replied.
No problem, Ill take the heavy bags. Hows little Charlie, mum?
Youll find out when you pick him up this weekend. You call every day, dont you? Why do you keep asking about me?
Just curious, were not strangers, are we? James said, opening the passenger door for his former wife.
Ill sit in the back, Emma muttered.
Itll be a mess back there! No need.
She opened the rear door, peered inside and indeed found it cluttered.
You never trust me, do you? she murmured.
Emma sighed again and settled into the front seat. James loaded the bags into the boot, then looked at her with a bright smile. She turned her face away, watching the familiar neighbourhood drift past the window.
You look fine, as always, he said.
James, just drive me home. I still have dinner to make, Emma snapped.
Yes, yes! James revved the engine and they pulled away. Ive just landed a new job, sorting out the paperwork for a rotation shift, he added, his eyes still on the road while Emma stared out the window, indifferent. Charlie said youre moving out of your motherinlaws place?
Shes been out of the picture for three years now, Emma answered without moving a muscle.
Emma, stop playing hideandseek! Why do I only get our son when shes around? Are you hiding your address? Let me at least drop you off.
No, thank you, Emma brushed the edge of her coat, I bought the groceries for Mum.
Give them to me and Ill take you home, Charlie said
They stopped in a quiet courtyard.
What did Charlie say? I told him not to. Are you two still getting along?
Fine, Emma replied.
What the devil do you want from me? she snapped, barely holding back.
Emma, were not strangers we have a son, James tried to grasp her hand. She pulled it back into her pocket with distaste.
James, enough! How many accidental visits can I endure? Stop calling my mother, begging her to talk to meit wont help. We moved out because I was fed up with you! Im on the brink of a nervous breakdown; all anyone says is how sorry you are, how you miss us, how you dream of getting the family back together. And Charlie? Why are you stringing him along? Hes just starting to get used to his dad at weekends, and you tell him well reconcile, you ask him to pass on your greetings, you pry about my work hours, where Im going.
Im worried, James said.
Im worried too about our son! How many times can you use him to pressure me?
Emma slammed the car door, intending to haul the bags from the boot herself, but the lock jammed. She tugged at the trunk lid, angry, just to rid herself of James. Her mothers eyes watched from the upstairs window, though Emma could not see her; she felt the lingering stare through the blinds. James finally opened the boot and carried the bags to the doorway, but Emma stopped him sharply.
No, Ill do it myself.
Emma, youll understand one dayI still love you! Id give up the rotation shift, go back to my old job, even buy you a car. Why must you walk home? It would be easier for you and Charlie; you could pick him up from karate.
No, Emma snatched the bags from his hands, Id rather you vanished somewhere far away, meet a woman you truly love, live happily, and leave me in peace.
Emma, forgive me, it was a oneoff. She meant nothing to me. I still curse myself.
Forgiven, James. I forgave you long ago and let go, yet you wont let me go.
I cant! Living without you is unbearable, James shouted as Emma climbed the stairs.
James, stop these theatrics, she heard back. Ive forgiven you, but I cant love you again or live with you.
The secondfloor door slammed, and silence fell. James clenched his fists, walked to his car, and glanced at the windows of his former motherinlaws flat. How foolish he had been, swapping wife, son and home for a fleeting fling. After the divorce, a lonely year later, he realised there was no one like his Emma. He could never love anyone as he loved his Emma and his little Charlie.
They had met at school; Emma transferred into their tenth year and outshone every other girl. James only had eyes for her, the rest fading into the background. Summer holidays cooled his fickle heart; he spent the season with his grandmother, where he fell for another girl who eclipsed the sun at noon. When school resumed in September, Emma no longer stirred his feelings. They remained friends, mingled in the same circle, then lost touch for about five years while both studied away from home. They reunited later, older, with Emma holding a firstclass degree and a first job, returning to her hometown to work where her mother was employed. James, ever the dreamer, tried to start his own venture throughout university, but ideas stayed just ideas. He took a job at a factory in his trade, seemed settled, yet ambition nagged at him.
Everything changed when Emma, after several meetings, told James she was pregnant. He was startled but gathered Emma in his arms and hurried to introduce her to his parents. They married, Charlie was born, they bought a council house with a mortgage that their parents helped pay off early. Summers were spent on seaside holidays, birthdays, christenings, weekend trips, and family anniversaries. James began to feel restless; Emma sank into domestic bliss, tending to the little boy and the household. Their motherinlaw adored both grandson and daughterinlaw, and Emma respected her motherinlaw.
Charlie grew, Emma returned to work, and James craved more recognition, tired of routine. He stumbled up a tangled career ladder, never quite reaching the top, swapping one job for another. A former colleague from his first post offered him a managerial role in exchange for favours, which soon fell apart. Emma saw his fatigue as a midlife crisis, suggested he take a break, perhaps a fishing trip without the family. He hesitated but finally agreed to spend a few days with a friend in Norfolk, hoping a change of scenery would help. The trip never materialised; the friends wife sent photos of a pleasant evening, asking James to keep his dog on a short leash.
Emma packed her things, Charlie, and moved in with her mother. When James demanded where she was, she sent him crude photos from his supposed fishing outing. He rushed to the door, only to find it shut, his motherinlaws stare burning him. He waited for the heat to subside, only to receive a divorce summons. He fought the process, delayed it, begged Emma for forgiveness wherever he could, but she secured the divorce.
A year later, watching James try to be a better fatherpaying child support, calling Charlie every weekend, even winning back his motherinlaws favourEmmas mother kept urging her to forgive James. Emma eventually forgave, but the feeling, the trust, the intimacy were gone. The wounds had healed only into scar tissue, leaving only memories that no longer stirred any emotion.
They finally severed ties.
Emma, why are you still harassing him? her mother asked from the hallway, barely hearing the footsteps.
Whos harassing whom? Emma replied. Has Charlie not come home from school yet?
No.
Hes driving me mad, Mum! I wish hed be off on a shift in another town, another world! He stalks me, I cant think of building any relationship without fearing what James might do.
Emma entered the kitchen with her shopping, the kettle already whistling, the scent of fresh scones filling the air.
Ugh, what a smell, she sighed.
Emma, you cant keep doing this. You have a son. Youve lived together for years
How could I? Mother? How can we share a bed? A flat? If hes a stranger to me, if my feelings switched off between those messages from that woman and the court hearings how do I live with a man I feel nothing for?
Then why give him hope, keep in touch? her mother asked, unpacking the groceries, unwilling to meet Emmas eyes.
Its him! He wont give me a chance, hes leaned on our IT manager last month right outside the office, I even smiled at him, flirted. Hes begging for forgiveness what am I to forgive? I didnt cozy up with that lady.
He wont let you go, you need someone else, her mother said calmly. Men like James cant handle a betrayal.
What? Which betrayal? Weve been divorced three years, hes nobody.
He cant release you.
Thats enough, Im fed up!
James lingered, waiting for the paperwork on his new post to finish. He called during Emmas lunch break, begged Charlie to tell his mother they would still be together. The former motherinlaw never answered. A few weeks later he met Emma and Charlie early at school.
Emma, Im leaving
Good luck.
Charlie, Im heading far, but not for long, James said, looking at his exwife. She turned away. Nothing to say?
Charlie tugged at his mothers hand; his first lesson was Russian, punctuality was key.
Ive said all I needed. I hope the change of scenery does you good, Emma replied.
Dont hope, I wont abandon you, James said, hugging the boy tightly, then trying the same with Emma, who recoiled. He clenched his teeth and walked back to his car.
Ill forgive you, Emma, he shouted from the roadside, but Ill never forgive the betrayal.
Emma laughed, thinking perhaps he would finally be forgiven. Three months of calm passed; she no longer flinched at the sight of a blue saloon parked down the lane. She moved about the town freely, unafraid of a chance encounter with James. She dined out with colleagues, saw an old friend, who urged her to keep the marriage, to love James. Emma cut off that friendship, convinced James was manipulating her. The friend, herself divorced, knew the strain of raising children alone, having forgiven her own husbands petty misdeeds. She had once found a lovers trinket in a car, then later discovered her husbands affair with another woman.
Can we pop the champagne? the friend joked. And open our hearts to new love? she replied, winking.
Yes, if we can tolerate a hundred calls and messages a day from James.
Did you answer his invitation after work? Emma asked, scanning the menu.
James will be back and everything will start anew, the friend sighed.
Make it end! Distract yourself, talk to someone, youre still young, you look lovely, look here, the friend leaned over the table, pointing discreetly. He only has eyes for you, she whispered.
Emma blushed, turned, and met the gaze of a handsome stranger who approached them, offering coffee. The ladies declined, but he lingered, polite.
Soon Emma met a man named Simon, exchanged numbers, and a correspondence began. She stopped reading Jamess endless messages, but her phone still chimed with incoming texts, which she smiled at. She hurried home from work as if someone awaited her.
Hello, Charlie, hows school? James asked.
Good, Dad, I got a five on my English test! the boy replied proudly.
Charlie, hows mum? James interjected.
Shes fine, just changed her haircut, went to Lilas birthday yesterday
Good for her. She never answers my calls, doesnt read my messages, James whiningly said. Tell her to pick up the phone, please.
She cant right now, we have guests.
Who?
Uncle Simon.
What a? James snapped. Give her the phone now.
Mom, Mom! Charlie shouted from his room. Laughter and the smell of something baking drifted from the kitchen, while the walls echoed with the clatter of Simon fixing a shelf. Mum! Charlie cried louder, Dads calling.
Emma entered, smoothing her apron, peeking toward the kitchen.
Yes, she said, taking the call, eyes fixed on the warm light spilling from the stove.
Whats the matter, love? Did you just step over the threshold and start hurling at me? Pretending youre some kind of hero? James snarled.
And you too, dear, Emma replied, dryly. Are you calling about this?
You think you can just waltz in with a son and expect forgiveness? Ill visit, give you a honeymoon youll never have, you wretched
Finally youve cracked, Emma laughed. Ive been waiting for the day the man who swapped a family for a fling finally shows up. When will you realise were nothing to each other?
D you James shouted into the receiver, Ill be back in a week, I
A mans promise, a male voice nearby said, are you coming soon? Were starving, the ovens killing us. Right, Charlie?
The boy nodded, reaching for his phone, his voice a mixture of panic and excitement.
Whos that? Simon asked. Let me he reached for the handset.
Emma handed it over; the shouting ceased as James hung up.
Dad will call later, Emma said, looking at her upset son.
James never called Charlie again, but he did ring his former motherinlaw, hurling abuse at her for raising such a daughter. He also wrote to Simon, demanding revenge, promising to break his legs. James never returned from the first deployment, stayed on the second, and eventually vanished somewhere across the country, chasing elusive success. He thought of his son twice a yearon birthdays and at New Yearyet never wrote to him or Emma, blaming both for the broken family. Charlie, for his part, grew restless, missing his fathers calls, but found a steady friend in Simon, who also remembered strict school lessons and delighted in explaining them to Charlie.
Emma now lives with Simon; he is no longer a guest in her flat. Charlie, after some time, adjusted to the new arrangement, discovering common ground with Simon, whose own school days were filled with strict teachers and memorised rules. Their lives, though different from the tangled past, moved forward, quietly, away from the echoes of Jamess onceloud pleas.
