28October2025
Dear Diary,
I woke up today with the sour taste of the conversation from last night still lingering in my mouth. It began with Alex calling, voice tense, Do you mean our father actually wants to come back? I could hardly make out the words; the minutes since our divorce have stretched into fifteen long years where he has been nothing more than a distant figure in my life.
Its true, Alex said, searching for the right phrasing. I understand that when people are young they make mistakes, but theres nothing left to share now. I tried to explain that there was nothing left between us except the children, yet Alex pressed on, You and Charlotte are grown, you have families of your own, you decide who to keep in contact with. What does that make me?
He went on, Dad realised you wouldnt listen to him, so he asked Charlotte and me to pass a little message along. It would be easier for us if we knew you both lived together and supported each other. I barely had time to collect my thoughts before my own daughter, Sophie, called with the same painful subject.
Mum, please understand, its our father and his health is failing, she pleaded. I tried to stay calm, When he was young and full of vigor, he never thought of me. Now, suddenly, he wants to change? I reminded her that he had abandoned us years ago for another woman. But theyre separated now, and it would be nice for you two to live together as you get older, insisted Charlotte, pushing her own agenda.
The conversation left a heaviness in my chest I could not shake. I have given everything to my children, never daring to rebuild my own life after the divorce for fear of hurting them. Both of them were still raw from their own teenage heartbreak when their parents split. Now it seemed we were speaking different languages, unable to hear each other. A memory of Arthurs departure resurfaced, making the ache worse.
I remembered the night he told me, eyes turned away, I dont love you any more. Ive found someone else and I intend to spend the rest of my days with her. My voice trembled as I asked, What about the children? He replied flatly, Youll go on as before, just without me. The flat stays yours, Ill see the kids when I can and send money when I can, but I love you no longer. I could not believe he thought his leaving at that age would be easy for them to accept. Theyll understand, theyll learn the details of adult life; its not right to live without love, forgive me, he said, ending the conversation.
Arthur kept his word: he never claimed the house in the settlement, chose to live with his new partner, and only met the kids on neutral ground because he lacked the courage to step inside my home. He never invited them over, and I tried to explain the reasons for our split to James and Sophie, but they refused to hear the details.
Father told us it was his decision and asked us to respect it, Alex said, now sounding older and more resolute. Its hard with Charlotte, but eventually it will settle down. For me, nothing settled. I missed my husband, cried into my pillow at night, and turned down friends suggestions to set me up with another man. The only contact from him was a brief call about a fishing trip.
Were planning a holiday, and I left the fishing gear on the shelf, Arthur said over the phone. Can I pick it up on Saturday? I wanted the kids to bring it, but they didnt understand where it was. I answered calmly, Alright, come over. I spent the whole week replaying that Saturday in my mind, trying to prove to him that I could thrive without him, even planning to meet him at the parade. Then I thought it would look absurd and backed out.
When he arrived with his boxes, I commented, Youve lost weight. Is your new wife not feeding you? He muttered, She does, I just work a lot, and avoided the subject. I blurted, If you need, I can cook for you or send her my recipes, knowing how foolish I sounded but unable to stop myself. Sarcasm isnt your style, he replied, tired. Were now strangers. Well always have the children, later grandchildren, and thats it.
Are you sure about that? I asked, hopeful. Yes, he said firmly. He then left for his new wife, and I sat alone in the kitchen, tears flowing for my own selfishness. Over the year after the divorce Id lost a lot of weight, tried to pull myself together, forced a smile, while secretly hoping Arthur would have a change of heart and return. I knew people would judge, but I was ready to welcome him back and let go of the past.
Three years later, James and Sophie told me, Dad and his woman have split; hes moved into a room at a student hall. That news, absurd as it sounded, gave me a flicker of hope that maybe he would come back. I started dressing more fashionably, took better care of myself, waiting for his first move. My friends joked that my love life was a circus, but I brushed it off with humor. Arthur never returned; instead he paired off with another woman. He even attended his sons wedding, but showed up alone to Charlottes.
Why were you alone? I asked him once. Irina was on a work trip, couldnt come, but sent her regards, he answered calmly.
Time changed my perspective. I stopped waiting, found solace in work, bought a cottage out of town, and filled my free hours with friends, relatives, flowers, and even a stray cat I named Mittens. Life settled into a routine that felt right, until a few days ago when I ran into Arthur at the lift after work.
Ive been thinking, he said, cup of tea in hand in the kitchen, we should leave the bad stuff behind. Most of my life is behind me now; dwelling on the negatives does no good. Lets spend the rest of our days together and raise grandchildren. I forced a smile and asked, Honestly, why come back to our flat instead of staying with any of your other partners? He answered, My health isnt great; Im retiring next year. The kids are good to us, theyll still bring a glass of water in old age. I reminded him, You once said we were strangers, looking into his eyes. I understood that later, and now I agree completely. He pressed, So you wont take me back? I replied, You said the children are good and wont abandon you. You crossed me out of your life years ago; let it stay that way.
He left, and I sat in my favourite armchair, turned off my phone, knowing he would soon call the children and they would start peppering me with questions. All I wanted was silence and peace. I had waited so long for his return that the hope finally burnt out. If he had spoken of growing old together, perhaps I would have taken him back, but now his only concern is his own comfort. I have my children, my friends, my cottage, and Mittens, and that feels enough for now.
