The man Id always imagined was a lecturer at Oxford, and when he finally turned his attention to me I lost all sense. It was a few years after Id finished my degree, when we both landed jobs at a finance firm in London. Sharing the same specialty seemed nothing out of the ordinary, but I liked to think it was fate.
He appeared to be exactly the gentleman Id pictured. At the time I didnt mind that he was already married; Id never been wed myself and had no idea what a broken marriage felt like. So when Paul James decided to abandon his wife for me, I felt no shame. Who could have guessed the heartbreak that would follow? As the saying goes, you cannot build your happiness on someone elses misery.
When he chose me, I was on cloudnine and ready to forgive anything. Yet behind the polished public façade, he was far from a Prince Charming. His belongings littered the flat and he flatout refused to wash the dishes. All the housework fell on my shoulders, but back then I didnt mind a bit.
He quickly swept his previous marriage aside. There were no children; the marriage had been pushed by his parents. With me, he promised everything would be different.
My bliss was shortlived. The moment I discovered I was expecting, Pauls joy turned into a grand family gathering to celebrate the news. Relatives toasted us, wishing health and love for the baby. That evening remains one of my fondest memories, and I regret nothing when I think of it. Yet from that point on, my blind devotion began to wane.
As my belly grew, Paul became a stranger. On maternity leave we only met late at night; he stayed late at the office and attended endless corporate functions. At first it didnt bother me, but the exhaustion set in. Simple chores grew harder when I could no longer bend to pick up his stray socks.
I started to wonder whether we had rushed into parenthood. I knew affection could fade, but I hadnt expected it so quickly. He still brought flowers and chocolates, yet all I wanted was his presence.
Soon it became clear his frequent outings werent innocent. A colleague mentioned, offhand, that a new junior employee had joined our department. We were already shortstaffed, and my leave had left the team scrambling. The irony was palpable.
I wasnt sure it was her, but Paul certainly had someone, because he never found a spare minute. Work, meetings, another cocktail partysomething always came up. One day I found a scrap of paper in his coat pocket with initials I didnt recognise. I slipped it back without a word.
Being alone at seven months pregnant was terrifying, and Paul kept complaining that I was too nervous. Every argument ended with his sigh of disappointment. I realised that pressing the issue would only leave me on my own. Fear of losing him grew so strong that it clouded my thoughts; they say fear can become a selffulfilling prophecy.
No matter how smoothly hed once courted me, he was no gentleman. The worst things I ever heard were, Im not ready for a child, and, Ive got someone else. I cant even recall exactly how he said it, but it drove me to the brink of madness.
Summoning the courage to ask for a divorce seemed impossible. He hadnt expected me to draw a line, nor that I would toss all his belongings out the next day. Thankfully we lived in a rented flat, so I didnt have to share anything permanent.
What about the child? How will you raise him?
Ill manage. Ill work from home, and my parents have always offered help. My mother warned me he was a philandererI should have listened.
Responsibility for my son gave me the strength to leave. Alone, I would never have found the resolve. I also realised I didnt want to raise a child with a father like him. His betrayal was so cowardly that I cut every tie; it felt as if a veil had lifted from my eyes.
The first months after the divorce, including the birth, were rough. I moved back in with my parents in Manchester, much to the delight of my grandparents who were thrilled to have a grandson. I cant say I never miss Paul, but I try not to dwell on him. Deep down I know I made the right choice and can now give my son everything he needs.
Then, out of the blue, Paul resurfaced, claiming deep regret and asking to meet his son. Do I want that? Perhaps I should even consider moving to another city to start anew.
In the end, I learned that love built on lies crumbles, while a life forged on honesty, even when painful, stands firm. The true lesson is that we must never sacrifice our own worth or the wellbeing of those we love for the illusion of a perfect romance.
