My niece turned up at my flat for a visit, and she was sore when I offered no food.
I have lived in separate towns from my sister for years. Her daughter, Emily, dreams of enrolling at the university that happens to be in my town. Shell be moving into a dormitory later, but for now she arrived for a couple of weeks to sort out some exams and paperwork. I never bothered with the details; I merely knew that it was customary to be in town before starting university. My sister arranged that Emily would lodge with me.
We never settled who would put a meal on the table. If her mother kept quiet about it, the two of them would sort it out between themselves. I found Emily sitting sulkily in the lounge, arms crossed. I asked what was the matter. She told me she had assumed I would serve her a hot lunch. I snapped back, Im not going to feed you, and Ill stick to my own timetable. I have to dash! Call your mum, have her wire some money onto your account, then go buy a few biscuits, a fresh roll and some tea. Ive run out of tea, you know! Youre eighteen now, not a child.
Emilys mother hadnt spoken to me in ages and was unaware that once the children fled the nest, my husband disappeared into the unknown and I threw myself into work. My schedule has been a nightmare, so Im rarely at home, and the energy for household chores has simply abandoned me. I would love a proper nights sleep, even a good nap.
I have no intention of sacrificing anything for my guest. It is, of course, pleasant to see Emily; she has grown into a graceful young woman. Yet I am no longer the freespirited Aunt Lucy who once could have thrown together a feast without a second thought. Let her buy her own groceries, chop, boil, fry or steam what she likes. Better still, she could pick up something readymade so she doesnt end up wrecking my stovetop or my flat.
She huffed, then cooled down, and now stews in silence each day, apparently having expected a full board with her mothers support. I dont know whether things will smooth out. After years of being the reliable, easygoing aunt who kept the peace with everyone in my close circle, it is hard to quit that role abruptly. Even now Im fairly amiable: I offered a free bed, albeit without the cooking element. I consulted a therapist for advice on how to gently explain to my relatives that Im not as functional as I once was and that they ought to expect less from me.
