I was hoping for a quiet infant Just shut up already! I shouted, storming out of the bedroom and slamming the door behind me.
Emma let out a sigh and pressed her little Oliver tighter against her chest. Her sixmonthold son was wailing nonstop, his tiny face flushed from the strain. She rocked him gently, humming a lullaby, but the baby just wouldnt settle.
Come on, little one, calm down, she whispered, rubbing his back. Mums here, its all right.
The past months had been a relentless blur of sleepless nights and constant worry. Oliver grew fussy, fell ill often, and woke her up at odd hours. Emma had surrendered herself to motherhood, while I seemed to exist in a parallel world where a crying baby and any sense of responsibility simply didnt exist.
As she rocked him, Emmas thoughts drifted back to yesterdays chat with her friend Sarah.
Does he ever help you? Sarah had asked, stirring her coffee.
Help? No, Emma had replied, shaking her head. James is either at work, out with mates, or staying with his mum. He only comes home to spend the night.
And he gives you any money? He knows youre on maternity leave, doesnt he?
The question made Emma grin bitterly.
Sometimes he does, but it never covers the whole lot. Diapers, formula, meds they all cost a fortune.
Now, with Oliver finally asleep, Emma gently placed him in his crib, slipped out of the nursery and headed to the kitchen. The flat was quiet James was already snoring on the sofa.
The next two weeks turned into a nightmare. Oliver stopped sleeping through the night altogether; his cries echoed through every room. Emma was running on fumes, and the earlymorning James only grew more irritable.
Are you doing this on purpose? he snarled one night, yanking the pillow from under his head. Why cant you calm him? I need my sleep!
Emma kept swaying the wailing Oliver.
Im trying! Hes just a baby, his teeth are coming in, hes in pain.
James grabbed the blanket and stalked to the door.
Do you expect me to care about that? Im going to the living room to sleep. And sort this screaming out!
Days blended together. James showed up less often, and Emma barely had the energy to speak to him.
One evening, after a walk, Emma opened the front door to find James standing in the hallway with a travel bag in hand.
Whats going on? she asked.
He didnt look at her or at the baby.
Im off to my mums, he said, zipping his bag. Until Oliver grows up, Im not staying here.
Emma stood frozen, disbelief written across her face.
Youre joking, right?
No, he replied, eyes still elsewhere. I want a proper nights sleep. This place is impossible he cries all the time and you do nothing.
She carefully adjusted the pram so as not to wake Oliver, crossed her arms, and said, You remember you wanted this child? You said now was the right time, that wed manage together.
I never thought itd be so hard, James shrugged. I expected a normal, calm baby.
Emma watched him grab his bag and stride past her to the door. She had no strength left for a fight. Oliver fussed in the pram, and she automatically began to rock it.
Ill give you a ring, James muttered, and left.
Emma stood in the hallway, motionless, for several minutes. Then she shuffled to the kitchen, sank into a chair, and let the tears fall unnoticed.
The next day she called her mother.
Linda, love, whats happened? her mothers voice trembled.
James left. He said hell come back when Olivers older.
What do you mean left? Whos the father? File for divorce and claim maintenance. Dont wait around!
For two weeks Emma waited for a call, unwilling to tear the family apart too quickly. The phone stayed silent. James vanished from their lives as if hed never existed.
Emma decided enough was enough and made her choice.
At home, James was already waiting.
What have you done? Why file for divorce? Were a family! Im the father!
Emma smirked.
Father? Youve been away for almost a month. You never called, never asked about Oliver!
I just needed a break! I needed time to think.
She turned away.
I needed a husband, not a coward who runs when things get tough. Im handling everything on my own. I dont need a man like you.
They divorced quickly. Emma secured Jamess maintenance payments. Olivers first year passed without a father figure. James called once a month or two, asking how things were, but that was it.
When Oliver turned eighteen months, he became calmer. James started showing up more often, asking to join them on weekends, insisting on being threeway.
I want to be part of my sons life! Give me a chance, he pleaded.
She agreed she didnt want to deprive Oliver of a father. That went on for another six months.
After a café outing, they returned to Emmas flat. The exhusband asked to use the bathroom to wash his hands. Emma nodded and tended to Oliver changing him, dressing him in pyjamas, and settling him in the playpen with toys.
Emma! a furious shout erupted from the bathroom. Whats this? Explain yourself!
Emma peeked into the hallway. James stood in the bathroom doorway, clutching a toothbrush.
Whats wrong? she asked.
He flushed with anger.
Why are there two toothbrushes? Explain!
Emma shrugged.
Its my boyfriends brush. He sometimes stays over. What of it?
Jamess face twisted.
Youre cheating on me? Not even ashamed?
Cheating? Emma blinked, stunned. James, weve been divorced for over a year!
Divorce is just paperwork! James waved the brush. Im helping with the child. I thought when Oliver grew up Id be back! Ill propose again!
Emmas surprise was plain.
You asked if I needed a husband like you? Ive tolerated you only for Olivers sake. I fell out of love with you long ago, even before you left!
James roared, Youre a fickle woman! Youve destroyed our solid family! You wont let our son grow up with his dad! You bring some stranger into the house!
Oliver began whimpering in the playpen, frightened by the shouting. Emma scooped him up.
This stranger, as you call him, has been a huge help to me, she whispered, soothing her son. I met him three months after our divorce, working from home, raising Oliver alone. We bumped into each other in a shop; I was exhausted.
She stroked Olivers head, then continued, Tom has become my rock and support. And you youre just a man who occasionally shows up to play with his son. To me, youre a blank spot.
James turned beetred, hurled the toothbrush onto the floor, and headed for the door.
Youll regret this, he hissed.
After that, he kept his distance whenever he saw Oliver, always finding an excuse to jab at Emma.
Your mothers a bad one, isnt she? She split us up. Soon yours will see what shes done and fix it, he whispered to Oliver.
Emma endured, but one day she finally had enough.
Listen to me, Oliver, now that youre asleep in the pram, she said, I wont go back to you, even if Tom and I part ways. Youre not the man I can rely on.
You dont matter to anyone! James snapped. A kid on your back and a temperament like a viper.
After that, James stopped seeing Oliver altogether. He stopped calling. Emma felt a strange relief shed always suspected he wanted a comfortable life, not a real family.
Three months passed without any word from James. Emma watched Oliver building towers with Tom, laughing as Tom tossed him gently into the air.
One afternoon, Tom took her hand softly.
Emma Ive wanted to ask this for ages Will you marry me?
Emma smiled, no second thoughts.
Yes.
That evening Emma tucked Oliver into bed. In that moment she realised she no longer thought about her exhusband. A new life lay ahead, and there was no room for past mistakes.
