I stayed with you, I whispered, pleading, Eleanor, Im lost, I dont know how it happened. Forgive me, I beg you! I swear Ill never speak to her again. Ill change my job if you want. Shall we leave? Just dont walk away from me
September greeted Eleanor with a cool yet gentle sun. Yellow leaves swirled at her feet, and the air smelled of damp earth and the coming autumn. She hurriedly packed her suitcases. Ahead lay a long journey to the Lake District, where her mother, suddenly taken ill, awaited her.
At first it seemed like a simple cold, but a gnawing worry lodged deep in Eleanors chest grew each day. The doctors handed her a frightening diagnosis that hit her like a cold shower. I, Edward, stayed at home; I couldnt accompany her. Eleanor had no choice but to take Harry and fly to her mother at once. Thus began their harsh, exhausting battle for precious time.
The first three months raced by in endless doctor visits, endless tests, and frantic hunts for a competent physician. Whenever a rare free slot appeared, Eleanor returned home, yet a feeling that something had shifted clung to her. The house was tidy, the cosy living room still smelled of fresh tea, I tried to keep the routine, but her thoughts seemed anchored in the Lake District. The home wasnt abandoned I kept the hearth warm, cared for the little thingsbut Eleanors focus had been pulled elsewhere.
Just as her mother steadied a little, Eleanor was forced to repack again. Harry, a touch weary from flights and hospital corridors but obedient, travelled with her. More planes, more doctors, and hope that flickered then dimmed. By March there was a modest relief: her mother improved slightly, and Eleanor allowed herself a brief respite, returning for a couple of weeks.
During that short lull, truth, like a stubborn weed, pushed its way into the light. Harry complained that his phone had fallen into the bath. Eleanor recalled a lifehack shed read in a womens magazineput the device in a bowl of rice.
She fished the smartphone out, turned it on. The screen lit up, displaying a new message while I was dozing peacefully on the sofa.
Harry, look, your phone works, Eleanor said, handing me the phone. I took it lazily, scrolled through the notifications, and stopped short.
Whats this? Eleanor leaned in, noticing the change in my posture. Im falling in love with you more and more. What does it mean? I sat up sharply, cleared my throat, trying to look unruffled, though my hands trembled.
Darling, youve got it all wrong, I started hurriedly. Its just a joke, a colleagues tease. Were a bit cheeky at work
Joke? Eleanor crossed her arms, feeling a coldness creep inside despite the warm room. Cheeky?
Im being honest, its nonsense. We just work together, nothing more.
Are you sure? Because such messages arent usually sent by just colleagues, she retorted, studying my face for the slightest hint of falsehood.
Im certain, 100%. Youre overthinking because of your mothers illness. Lets drop it, go for a walk. The suns out, we could use some fresh air.
My insistence to leave the house felt like an attempt to change the subject, and exhausted from three months of relentless stress, Eleanor relented. She blamed my nerves and fatigue, and we walked, but that false calm lasted only a short while.
We barely got back when another message arrived from the same colleague, this time even more explicit. A pang of jealousy stabbed Eleanor, but she chose to speak with me first, rather than launch a scene.
Harry, look at what she sent now. This isnt a joke.
I took the phone, my face went pale.
This this is a mistake. Ill tell her to stop.
Will you? Or should I text her myself? Eleanors voice trembled.
Eleanor, I said it, I love only you. Lets not make a mountain out of a molehill.
Then another flight. Another round of mother, doctors, tests, hospital wards. Harry was the only constant amid the chaos. My mothers condition eased a little, and finally I could breathe, enjoying another brief pause.
March rolled in. My mother felt a touch better, and Eleanor managed another trip home to try and regain some balance. But balance remained elusive. A short SMS exchange she skimmed that day haunted her; she couldnt simply forget those words.
She decided not to wait for another excuse and confronted me directly.
Harry, I need the truth. I cant live with vague explanations.
Ive explained everything, love! It was a clumsy joke. I dont understand why you keep bringing it up.
Because it unsettles me, she replied firmly.
I tensed.
Eleanor, why are you making a fuss? Everythings already a mess
I spoke to your colleague, Eleanor said, her voice turning icecold, and she reached out herself.
I froze.
She wrote, Eleanor continued, looking straight into my eyes, Yes, I love you. Yes, we were together. What do you have to say to that, Harry?
Silence settled over the room, his face turning ashen.
Leave, Eleanors voice shook with restrained emotion, pack your things and go.
No, I whispered, youre making a huge mistake! I never did anything with her. She fabricated everything, and you bought into it!
I dont believe you! Eleanor snapped, flashing the screenshot of the conversation where the other woman confessed everything. See? This is your joke!
I dropped my head. The silence stretched on forever. When I finally raised my eyes, guilt and desperation swirled together.
Fine. I slipped. I love only you, always have, Eleanor. Thats the truth.
Slipped? Eleanor laughed bitterly, three years of lies straight to my face! How do you disrespect someone so badly?
It isnt a lie, I truly love you! Its just that you werent there often and I
Not being there? Only cowards behave like that! she shouted, stepping back, Youre a coward!
But I never left, Eleanor, I never abandoned you! I tried to grab her hand, Were together
She pulled away. Whether I left or stayed no longer mattered; the pain Id caused eclipsed everything else.
You didnt leave? she asked, bitterness thick in her tone, you were torn, but you didnt walk out
I couldnt! I love you!
Love? Eleanor shook her head, No, you stayed because it was convenient, not because you loved me. Im done analysing your motives. I have to go. Mothers getting worse.
Another flight. Another trip to the Lake District, doctors, wards. Another battle, now carrying both my mothers illness and the weight of my betrayal.
My mother passed in August. By New Year, Eleanor drifted through days like a daze, mechanically completing the necessary chores. The house she once called a fortress now felt foreign. Harry was her anchor, the only reason she didnt dissolve into endless grey.
When the first months of despair faded, she woke a little, yet never fully recovered. Every glance at me seared. She could no longer bear to see my face, hear my voice. Still, she held onfor Harry, whose very presence seemed to reflect her own childhood focus and cleverness. He didnt deserve a home where his mother suffered from a fathers deceit.
I realised the depth of my error and tried to mend things. I stayed close, offered help, begged forgiveness, pleaded for a fresh start.
Eleanor, please, lets try again. I made a terrible mistake. I know. I never left when you went to see your mother. Isnt that proof of my love?
Her mind replayed the messages shed accidentally stumbled upon while clearing my phones history. Words shed missed in the heat of panic now resurfaced with terrifying clarity:
Youre my everything, hed written to the other woman.
And her reply, which Eleanor had memorised:
Did I tell your wife everything correctly? Someone should have pushed her. Any other woman would have left, but you a rag!
She watched Harry building with his blocks in the corner, a mirror of her own younger selffocused, bright. He didnt deserve a life shadowed by his fathers lies.
I entered with two mugs of tea.
Here, a hot herbal blend. Have a sip.
She lifted the mug but didnt drink.
I cant, Harry
We agreedtime heals. Give us time. Ill do anything for your forgiveness.
Time? she smiled bitterly, time showed you can lie masterfully. You stayed because leaving became inconvenient, not because I was your love. Her words prove it. She told you shed set the record straight for me.
It was foolish on her part! I told her it was over!
You didnt forbid her, Harry. You simply chose the easy story so I wouldnt lose my footing.
She inhaled deeply.
I cant forgive you. Not now. Maybe never. But I must live, and Harry must live. Well stay apart for a while. Ill put him with his aunt for a couple of weeks and stay with a friend until I figure out what I want.
I went pale, understanding that this wasnt a pause but a genuine chance to lose everything.
Eleanor, dont do this. Please. Ill go to a therapist, any specialist. Ill quit my job if I have to. Just dont leave.
Im not leaving you, Harry. Im leaving the lies, she whispered. I cant love you while you live a lie. Well talk when I returnif I ever return
She never did. Two months passed apart, then she decided the family could not be kept, even for Harrys sake. I changed jobs, cut off the affair, yet the memory of that young woman lingered in both our minds, a ghost I could never accept. Never.
