Two weeks, we thought wed stay we barely managed to see the family off, I muttered.
My mothers entitled to count on our help; shes not a stranger, he said.
Your mother isnt a stranger, I agree, I replied. But her whats his name Victor? Val?
Victor, corrected my husband, Victor Hart. Decent chap, Ive met him a couple of times. Quiet, welleducated, former physics teacher.
I shook my head. I didnt like any of this.
The whole mess began, as the saying goes, with a bang. My motherinlaw, Martha Whitcombe, rang one crisp morning while Mark was away on a work trip. She cheerfully announced that she and her new beau were already in a cab, heading for us to stay two weeks. Their flat had a burst pipe, half the place was flooded, and a fullblown renovation was looming.
Maybe we should wait for Mark? Hell be back in a few days, I suggested.
Oh, love, why wait? she chirped. Were coming, and thats that!
A feeling of an avalanche barreling toward me settled in my gut, and the next hour proved me right.
The guests were on our doorstep within the hour.
Emily, my dear! Martha swooped into a hug. Meet Victor. Victor, this is Emily, Marks wife Ive told you all about her!
Victor Hart extended a hand, looking a touch uneasy.
Pleasure, Emily. Martha has spoken highly of you. I hope we wont be too much of a nuisance. Ill be as quiet as a mouse and as low as a lawn.
Just then, sleepy Lucy peered out of the hallway.
Mum, whats all the racket? Oh, Grandma Marthas here!
Lucy, my sunshine! Martha gushed, grabbing her granddaughter. Look, Ive brought you a proper grandpa a real one, Victor!
Lucy stared at Victor with the impartial curiosity only a sixyearold can muster.
Why does grandpa have a beard like a circus ringmaster?
Victor burst into a deep, hearty chuckle.
Because I can be a bit of a rogue sometimes. I dont have a puppet theatre, but I do have this He rummaged in his briefcase and produced a brightly coloured book.
Fun Physics for Little WhizzKids. Fancy a few experiments?
Lucys eyes lit up.
The first week I soldiered on, trying my best to be a gracious host. I gave them our bedroom, while Mark and I shifted to the pullout sofa in the lounge. I tolerated Martha rearranging everything in the kitchen the way she liked. I kept quiet when Victor claimed the bathroom for fortyminute morning rituals.
When Mark finally returned from his trip, he was tense at first, but Martha quickly smoothed him out. She always knew how to switch on her loving mum mode, the one thats been set to fulltime caretaker for her only son since forever. And Mark fell for it every time.
Emily, bear with it a bit longer, he coaxed one evening as we lay on the uncomfortable sofa, listening to Marthas boisterous telly dramas through the wall. She means well. She cooks, she looks after Lucy
Im fed up! I hissed into my pillow. I cant even pop to the loo in peace! Victor could pop out of a corner at any moment, spouting off random facts about digestion!
Mark simply smiled and said nothing.
Victor turned out to be a real earlybird. By five a.m. he was already thumping about the kitchen, kettle whistling, radio on low. Though he was quiet, the old panelboard amplified every creak. By six, Martha shuffled in, and the two launched into a conspiratorial planning session, whispershouting.
Victor, fancy a trip to the market for cottage cheese? Theyve got a whole aisle of cheese here!
Of course, Martha. Afterwards we could head to the park; the weather looks lovely.
How about we take Lucy with us? She needs fresh air; shes glued to her tablet all day!
I dont think Lucy needs to come, I muttered, feeling halfzombie. Shes off today, and so am I, supposedly.
Did we wake you? Martha asked innocently, blinking. We were being very, very quiet!
Three weeks drifted by. One day I left work early, dreaming of collapsing onto the sofa for a proper nap. I opened the front door and froze.
There, on our sofa, sat a spry lady in her sixties, and beside her Victor Hart was pointing at scribbles in a notebook, explaining them with the enthusiasm of a schoolboy.
On the coffee table lay two teacups, lifted straight from my wedding china set.
Oh, Emily! Victor beamed, spotting me. Allow me to introduce Raisa Palmer we were colleagues at the polytechnic. Its been ages! Since you both work, we thought a quiet cuppa wouldnt hurt. No objections?
Victor, dear, I was trying not to lose it, I stammered, teeth grinding. Youve forgotten a tiny detail. This is my flat. If you wanted a catchup, you should have asked permission first. Or met your old school friend at a café.
Sorry, Raisa blurted, springing up. I didnt realise you were opposed Victor said youd be at work till evening.
Exactly, I snapped. You figured that because I wasnt home, you could do whatever you liked?
Just then Martha breezed out of the kitchen.
Emily, why are you shouting? We have guests!
Guests in my house? I snapped.
Victor adjusted his spectacles and began methodically polishing the glasses with a handkerchief.
If our presence is that unbearable, a hint would have sufficed, he murmured. There are hotels, serviced apartments
Victor, no need! Martha flustered. Emilys just tired, isnt she? Youll apologise to Victor, wont you?
That was the last straw.
I grabbed my phone and dialled Mark.
Mark, get home immediately. No ones died, but if youre not here within the hour, Im not responsible for what happens next.
Mark hurtled back in forty minutes.
What on earth? he asked, bewildered, eyes darting between us and the intruders.
I laid it all out. As he listened, his expression grew darker.
Mark, your wife Martha tried to interject.
Shes right! Mark cut in, unusually firm. This is our home. You cant just bring strangers in without our sayso.
But Victor
Your Victor is a complete stranger to us. Weve known him for three weeks only. Frankly Mark paused, choosing his words.
Mum, you promised youd stay only a couple of weeks. Its been three. When will your renovation finish?
Martha lowered her gaze.
We havent even started. Were still saving up
What?! Mark and I exclaimed in unison.
Whats the problem? Martha raised an eyebrow. Were not a bother! We even help I cook, Victor looks after Lucy
Mum, Mark said slowly, as if explaining to a child, this cant go on. We never agreed to this.
Youre telling me Im kicking my own mother out?
No, Im not kicking you out, but its time to know your place, Mark retorted. Besides, youve been less than truthful. You have a week to find somewhere else to stay while you sort the repairs.
