Loneliness
Mrs. Smith, the stablehand is already engaged, the neighbour announced, and she turned him down. Better to have a marriage than a freerange service for the summer.
What are you doing here, Emily? the man in the doorway snapped. A man shouldnt be alone. A woman must always have a husband. Otherwise its all wrong and nobody will ever look at you. You know what solitude feels like, dont you?
What? Emily snapped, her voice cracking under the weight of her own frustration.
Solitude is a nightmare! Clara, the neighbours wife, laughed, eyes darting past the window as if trying to see something else. When you want to make a splash and give water to someone the kids are yours, where are they?
Where? Emily muttered, trying to catch her breath.
Where where in Yorkshire! she finally understood, realizing the neighbours smile was a thin veil over her own misery. Youd rather run away, but Im watching over you. One alone is a heavy burden. A soul tangled in a pair of shoes. Let me introduce you, shall we? Emily, the bloke is decent. And then theres the one who never stops moving, always rushing
Emily had been raised for ten years in the same small town. Her benefactorwhat she called my guardianhad arrived from London ten years ago, once, and then never again. When Emily learned this, she set her husband on a path that led straight to two beds, then to two quarries. Though her husband tried to convince her that once is enough and nothing strange ever happens unless you invite it, he slammed his fists on the table, spilling cheap whisky and male tears; Emily felt numb. The marriage crumbled.
Her husband approached the women like a gentleman, leaving the quarry to his exwife and two children in their small cottage. The children grew up and drifted off in different directions. The son stayed and worked in Manchester. The daughter married quickly and moved abroad with her husband. Emily was left alone in a cramped twobedroom flat in the heart of London.
Living alone didnt embarrass her. She found a job as a waitress, a respectable profession, and the wages allowed her a modest life. She welcomed occasional visits from her children and from Clara. Though she wasnt the brightest, Emily always found something to keep herself occupied and never grew bored. She read, swam, took yoga, loved traveling, and even dabbled in a bit of petty crime with a few partners. In short, she managed to be content.
Until that day, when Clara finally decided to sort out Emilys fate
Listen to me, Emily. A decent bloke, not yet fiftyone, seven years older than you, lives in a big house, a proper estate. Cattle, goats, pigs, chickensnothing missing! Thats a healthy diet, you hear? Milk, eggs, meat. Youll live to a hundred, mark my words! And the man is charming, welleducated, speaks proper English Give it a go, will you? Lets meet, eh? Clara begged, pressing a hand to Emilys chest.
Fine, Clara, meet your gentlemanfarmer, thats that. But I promised nothing, Emily replied.
Business doesnt change, as they say, Clara muttered, stepping back. Thomas, the farmer, didnt waste time filing paperwork; he quickly arranged a meeting with Clara.
Thomas turned out to be nothing more than a sturdy, muscular fellow, cleanshaven, with wellkept nails. He smelled of earth, spoke softly but firmly, and never let a word go unspoken. He was a joker, a bit of a tease, and his name sounded solidThomas.
After their first encounter, a second invitation followed, then a third Emily began to watch Thomas closely. She thought perhaps a proper wife needed a warm heart, and Thomas seemed eager for a union. He whispered about a partnership, a joint farm, promising the land would be theirs. Youll see, love, Ive got work. The farm needs help. The workers are good. If you want to make it work, do it yourself. Youll be a wife, you wont miss anything, youll keep everything in order. Well need womens hands for milking cows, caring for goats, collecting eggs. The house will be yours. Ill kill the cattle, but the womans hand and eyes will be better than any mans. Lets start, alright? The spring is coming, the wheat must be sown. The livestock await”
Emily went back home, stunned, wondering why she should give up everything. She owned a small plot in the city, a modest job, a tiny garden where she grew herbs in summer and dreamed of a cottage on a hillside. Shed even bought a car eight years ago, a battered old Ford. Where would she go? To the farm, to clean pigs, to tend chickens, with nothing left to shine for? She still had to prepare lunch for her husband, shop for supplies, pay the mortgage, keep the house spotless. Yes, the income from the farm would be decent, but she barely scraped by. Her pension was enough, and there were some savings.
All this was necessary, not just for comfort. She wondered if she should bend her back in the garden, bake a loaf, or chase a rabbit for two dayswas that really what she needed? In the evening, Emily called Clara.
Clara, dont be mad. Im sorry, but Ill turn down Thomass proposal. Maybe some men are lucky to have a job, but I dont need that. He didnt even ask for permission, Clara. Hes not just looking for a wife; he wants labor. Ill stay in my solitude. And on the balcony, you know, to give water, not everyone wants to drink it
Emilys mother, Katya, scolded her for a long time, barely shedding a tear at the thought of a man like Thomas. Yet, under the pressure of Katyas solemn promise that she would never speak to him again, Emily smiled. She promised not to chase more husbands, not to look for a proper wife, and to avoid any dubious business.
Emily sent Thomas a text, saying shed no longer attend meetings because her desires had changed and the circumstances no longer suited him. Thomas called back a few days later, pleading, but Emily hung up. She rose at eight in the morning, made a snack, washed up, and sat down for a coffee with a biscuit. She looked out the window, thinking she hadnt seen her children in agesmaybe she should visit her son, perhaps arrange a dinner for her daughters birthday. She also needed to buy a new handbag for that elegant coat and call little Lena, the pharmacist, to set an appointment.
And that was it. The scene held its breath, the city lights flickering, as Emily stared into the night, wondering whether any of it truly mattered.
