I just got out of the gynaecology clinic and was absolutely floored. The paper in my hands said Pregnancy, 78 weeks. How on earth did I miss this? I thought, shuffling to my car. Did I forget a pill? What now give birth? Im fortythree, for crying out loud!
I drove home lost in thought. At a red light I barely noticed the traffic creeping forward until a driver behind me blared the horn, jolting me back to the road.
Back in my flat, I threw myself into chores just to keep my mind off the buzzing in my head.
After lunch, Emily popped round for a quick visit, eager to share some news.
Mum, Ive got a surprise for you! she chirped, plopping into the kitchen chair.
Spill it, love, dont keep me waiting, I said, curiosity sparkling.
Alex proposed to me! she beamed, cheeks pink. And I said yes!
My girl, congratulations! I said, tears prickling as I pulled her into a hug.
Alex is a proper sort clever, driven, steady, with just enough ambition. Hes wellestablished at twentyfive, earning a decent salary, and has been on his own for years. Emily and Alex have been together for almost three years, and Ive seen enough to know hes serious about her.
So, whens the wedding? I asked, pouring tea.
Not sure yet, Emily shrugged. We havent nailed it down. Probably next summer.
Will you tell Dad? I asked, eyeing her.
I dont know, she frowned. Honestly, I dont even want to
Emily, you cant do that, I warned gently. Hes your father, he loves you. I get that youre hurt, but people split up it doesnt mean you have to cut him out. Ive forgiven him, and you should too. Dont hold a grudge, and invite him to the wedding, please.
She snapped, Mum, how can you be so forgiving? He left you for someone else, ran off with his secretary! He was cheating on me for a whole year! How can you just let that go?
I tried to explain, We were married for twentytwo years, raised you, had happy times. Im grateful for those years, but he fell for another woman.
My heart cant be ordered, I added, but what was I supposed to do? Throw a tantrum, hide my anger, hate him forever? For what? Because his feelings cooled? Thats absurd, Emily.
She shook her head, I dont get it, Mum. If Alex did this to me, Id I dont even know what Id do!
I stopped arguing shes fiery and wont see my side. Youth just sees things differently.
After she left, I went back to the kitchen, washed the dishes, and pulled a piece of meat from the freezer for dinner. My mind kept looping back to the surprise pregnancy, wondering what to do. Giving birth at my age, and without a husband, felt terrifying, yet the idea of being a mum again, caring for a little one, tugged at my heart.
I dug out an old photo album from the shelf, flipping through pictures of Emily as a baby, grinning in her grandmas lap, then a shot of her a bit older in a fancy dress by the city park gates the day she fell off the swing, got a tiny stitch on her knee, leaving a barelyvisible scar. Another picture showed her firstgrade graduation, holding a bouquet, with Simon looking proud.
There was a photo of me, young and skinny, in a light suit and skyhigh heels, with a fringe that looked ridiculous now.
In a school play, Emily played the Snow Maiden, and Id sewn her a silver dress with a rabbitfur trim after failing to find anything decent in shops. Three nights at the sewing machine, and it turned out brilliant.
One picture captured the whole family Simon, Emily, and me on a sunny beach in Thailand, all tanned and happy. It made my chest tighten. I used to think we had the strongest, most loving family. Simon and I were inseparable, dreaming together, building a life.
Years passed, Emily grew, racking up achievements. Simons career took off, we bought a house, a car, traveled a lot. I finally opened my own bridaldress studio, fulfilling a longheld dream. It all felt like it would never end.
The only shadow was that after Emily, I never managed another pregnancy. Id have one miscarriage early on, then another that reached fourteen weeks before a scan revealed severe fetal abnormalities. I had to terminate. I spent a night sobbing in the hospital, and the doctors told me I shouldnt try again.
Looking back, the irony hit me hard Id once had youth, a loving husband, stability, and a burning desire for another child. Yet now, with all that gone, fate tossed this unexpected pregnancy at me like a cruel joke.
Simons decision to leave wasnt a shock. Id suspected he had a mistress for ages, but he always brushed it off as my imagination. I launched a fullblown campaign to win him back, tried therapy (he flatout refused, calling it a waste of time), read every womens forum, even attempted a home striptease. Nothing worked. A month ago he packed his things and moved out, then filed for divorce. The final, painful conversation left me reeling. I never understood what he saw in Olivia, his new secretary she was fresh, a bit older than Emily, with plumped lips, long lashes, and a plunging neckline that made my skin crawl. I kept asking him to replace her, but hed shrug, Laura, I dont care what she looks like, shes efficient, I cant afford a new hire now. I sensed there was more to it, and later I discovered I was right. It hurt to realise hed swapped me for a siliconeenhanced doll, tearing down years of building.
I had to learn to live with that new reality. Simon left me the city twobed flat I still live in; he moved to the countryside with Olivia. It gnawed at me that some stranger now occupied the home where wed once been happy, where Emilys childhood memories lived. I had agreed to the arrangement because the city suited my work and kept me close to Emily and Alexs flat. Yet the feeling lingered, no matter how hard I tried to push it away.
The next day, a Saturday, I popped round to my old friend Ninas house. Wed known each other since the kids were in the same playgroup. She greeted me with a bottle of whisky on the table.
Lets have a couple of snorts, Lara, she winked, pulling out glasses.
Thanks, Nina, but I cant. Im not supposed to.
Whats that about? Pills? she asked.
Nope, just Im pregnant.
She lowered herself onto a chair, eyebrows raised. So you and Simon are split, right? Or have you already found a lover? she teased.
No, love, the babys Simons. We had a night together a couple of months back candles, wine, lace underwear and thats what led to this. I gestured at my belly.
She shook her head, Bless your heart, love. What are you going to do?
I honestly have no idea. I found out yesterday, and Im still trying to wrap my head around it.
She sighed, Honestly, youre a bit old to be having a baby now. Raising a child on your own at fiftysomething is tough. Maybe think about child support? Youll probably have grandkids soon enough when Emily gets married.
I muttered, Youre probably right, its late. Her words gave me a little reassurance.
After saying goodbye to Nina, I drove to Emilys flat.
Hey, Mum! she called, Come in. Want a coffee?
No thanks, love, I just want to chat. Is Alex here?
Hes at his parents helping with some repairs, she said.
I sat down and told her about the pregnancy.
Mum, do you actually want this baby? she asked.
Yes, I do, I whispered, but Im scared.
What did the doctor say?
He says everythings fine, the babys developing well. Ive lost two children before, and we never got a clear cause. The doctors werent spectacular, I think, and now Im terrified of going through it again. You know, they say having a baby over forty is risky, and the baby could have problems. I rattled off everything Id read online, the horror stories, my doubts.
Emily put a hand on mine, Mum, you need to keep checking up, look after yourself. Go to reputable doctors, not just the internet.
She reminded me that modern medicine has come a long way, many women now give birth in their forties without issue.
Alright, I get it, I said, maybe I should give it a try.
She smiled, Whatever you decide, well be there for you. Will you tell dad?
No, I dont think so.
The checkups turned out fine, no major health scares, so I decided to keep the baby. I thought about telling Simon, but why? Hes out of the picture, and the child isnt his problem either. Wed only met a couple of times since the divorce hed swing by to collect a few things. One day, out of the blue, he showed up at my studio.
Laura, Im here for some paperwork on the house. I called, you didnt answer, I went to the flat and couldnt get in. Did you change the locks? he asked, eyeing my rounded belly.
I did, I said calmly. What did you think, you could just waltz back in whenever you felt like it? Were done. Ive got no documents for you.
He chuckled, So youve moved on, huh? Got yourself a husband?
No, Simon, Im not married and I never will be. My life isnt your business. I cut him off.
He left, muttering something about the babys due date, wondering how old it was, how he could
A few minutes later, Olivia sauntered in, Hun, Im starving, lets hit the restaurant!
Later, Olivia, Im busy, Simon replied, distracted by my belly.
She huffed, left, and Simon went back to his laptop, but his thoughts were far from spreadsheets.
When the baby was finally born, Emily, Alex, Nina and a few of the girls from my studio were there. Alex was the first to take the little one a tiny bundle in a skyblue blanket.
Oh my God, hes so small! he whispered, cradling the infant carefully.
Hes gorgeous, just a perfect little spark, Emily cooed, eyeing her baby brother.
Looks just like you, Mum, Alex laughed.
Exactly like you, love, I said, beaming.
When we got home, Emily and Alex had turned one of the spare rooms into a nursery, stringing colourful garlands and balloons, and hanging a big banner that read Happy Birthday, Daniel! the name Id chosen for my son.
The little boy was healthy, and I felt wonderful. Days flew by with diaper changes and sleepless nights, but Emily would often pop over, play with Daniel or take him for a walk in the local park, giving me a breather.
Youre getting a rehearsal for motherhood, love, I teased her, watching her handle her brother like a pro.
She grinned, I love it!
A couple of months later, there was a knock at the door. Simon stood there with a bouquet.
Hello, Laura, he said, extending the flowers, which I didnt take.
What brings you here? I asked, arms crossed.
Laura, I know Daniel is my son. Nina told me.
And what does that matter now? I replied.
He looked remorseful, Im sorry, I was a fool. Ive realized what Ive lost. I want to be part of Daniels life. Will you let me?
I thought about the man I was once ready to give anything for. The old saying about a thief returning to the same house popped into my head.
No, Simon, its too late. Dont come back. I shut the door firmly and locked it.
He shouted, I have a right to see my son!
He kept turning up, even trying to corner me in the park when I pushed the pram, begging for forgiveness and a chance to be a family again. I stayed firm. He did show up at Emily and Alexs wedding, stayed just long enough to hand over a hefty cheque and then left.
Later I learned hed married Olivia, but their marriage lasted only a few months before she left him for someone else.
And thats where I am now, mum to a little boy I never expected, moving forward with the life Ive built, and not looking back.
