Behind my back
Oh, for Gods sake, stop playing the heroine and pretending you have it all under control, Olivia said, placing a pack of nappies and a tin of baby porridge on the kitchen table. Ive seen your posts and status updates. They look lovely, but only if you ignore the truth of the everyday.
Emma didnt look up from the phone. She stared at the screen with a stonecold expression. In the next room her twoyearold son, Tommy, wailed for attention. Emma didnt flinch.
Tommy, Im coming! their mother shouted from the master bedroom and hurried to rock her grandson.
Olivia slipped off her coat, draped it over the back of a chair and turned back to her sister. She was too irked to back down easily.
Tell me honestly. Do you really think youre coping, that youre a great mum? Or are you just parroting slogans from online groups?
Emma sighed, paused for a heartbeat, but never met Olivias eyes.
Listen, I never asked you to buy anything.
Right. Never asked. So its always the same: you sit hungry, covered in dirty nappies, while Mother drags out soup and buys fresh diapers. Then you get to play the strong lady again.
Both fell silent. Even Tommys cries faded behind the wall. Only the soft, soothing voice of Mother could be heard. Olivia closed her eyes for a moment.
Theyd been exhausted for the past year and a half.
Emma left her husband when Tommy was barely six months old. She walked out in a blaze of scandal, railing that he couldnt even wash a plate or change a nappy. David, her ex, could only shrug. He juggled two jobs, came home late, and so tired he sometimes fell asleep in his chair. Still, he tried: washing bottles, lugging bags, even humming lullabies, however offkey.
Hes betrayed us, Emma declared back then. He chose his work over us.
Olivia shrugged silently; everyone is free to decide for themselves.
Except when that everyone lands on someone elses neck and proudly refuses to pay child support. Emma now lived like a guest at a seaside resort. Father covered the rent, Mother cooked, and she proudly posted about inner strength and female independence.
Mother entered the room, two grey crescents darkening the skin under her eyes.
Tommys finally asleep, thank heavens. Olivia, why are you attacking Emma again?
Me? Attack? Olivia was ready to laugh. All you do is neglect his bottom, and she wont even hear a word. Shes content.
I ask for nothing, mind you. No one owes anyone anything! Emma flared up.
Exactly, you owe nothing. You just sit here, using all the comforts.
A memory floated up: two months earlier Father had once again postponed fitting a crown for his own teeth.
No worries, Ill wait, hed said to Mother with a grin. We need to dress Tommy up; hes already outgrowing his old clothes.
Father never complained. Never. Later the family would discover he skipped his vital pills because there was no money to buy them. Olivia quietly transferred the money, hoping it would go toward his medication.
Emma sprang up, walked past Olivia, fleeing the conversation as usual.
Olivia dont be like that Emmas
What about Emma? Shes just comfortable. Her pride will be the death of you. You know, Mum money problems arent solved with empty words. After your stroke and Fathers heart, she pretends shes the heroine of a Hollywood melodrama: lone, proud, misunderstood.
Mother looked at her daughter with pain in her eyes. Everyone understood, yet none could act.
Olivia slipped toward the door but stopped at the threshold. She wanted to say something warm, something that would keep Mother from weeping after she left.
Goodbye, Mum. Check the firstaid kit and speak to Father. Ill bring the tablets tomorrow, if they run out.
Ol thank you, Mother managed a subdued thankyou.
Olivia left without looking back, knowing shed see tears later.
A week passed. Olivia visited less often. She didnt take offense; she simply didnt want to witness the households decay. She came to drop off cash, medicine, a toy for Tommy, then hurried out. Emma accepted everything with a detached air, as if that were how it should be.
One morning, while scrolling through contacts, Olivia stumbled on a longforgotten name: Keith. He had once worked with David. Hope fluttered in her chest. It seemed a chance, perhaps a sign.
Three days later Olivia and David met in a modest café. She fidgeted with a napkin. David arrived seven minutes late, apologized, and sat opposite her. He had lost a few pounds, but the gauntness only made him look older.
You see, he began after listening to Olivias long tale. Im not abandoning my son. I tried to get everything back. Even when I send money, she sends it back and throws a fit.
They wont manage much longer, Olivia sighed. Father halves his tablets. Mother refused a sanatorium. And Emma she clings to stubborn principles. No ones to blame for her quirks.
David nodded, showing a readiness to solve the problem, perhaps even a hint of relief at the meeting.
Heres what well do. Ill transfer money to you, and youll allocate it. Send receipts or photosthanks, no thankyouso well trust each other. I just want Tommy to have a normal life and your parents not to suffer because of all this.
Olivia wasnt sure she was doing the right thing. It felt almost like betrayal, yet her sister was no saint either.
Two days later the first transfer arrived: a hundred and twenty pounds. Olivia immediately handed the cash to Mother, who was surprised more by the amount than by the gesture, for Olivia had helped before.
Another smaller transfer followed, earmarked for Fathers medication, then one for Tommys shoes.
Emma pretended not to notice, or at least acted as if she didnt.
One evening Olivia dropped in for a halfhour visit. Emma was in the bathroom, Tommy watched cartoons, Mother was kneading dumplings, and Father helped her.
Olivia, we bought Tommy a new coat with your money! Mother beamed. Youre such a dear, always helping. Its getting a bit awkward for us to keep taking perhaps well manage on our own soon?
Olivia felt a sting. Shed taken undeserved praise before, but each time it pressed on her conscience. Now the whole chain of assistance seemed to be unraveling.
Mum I need to tell you and Father something. It isnt me, its David. Hes helping, she whispered.
Silence fell. Father stopped rolling out the dough. Mother froze, spoon in hand.
David? she repeated. Emma told us hed vanished.
Right. He said hed cut off her phone because she ignored him everywhere, Olivia sighed; Emma hadnt said everything. Anyway, truth always lies somewhere in the middle. The important thing is the help.
Mother and Father took the news calmly, almost unperturbed. From then on they accepted the money without a second thought.
But a new problem surfaced.
Oh, thank you, David. Its a bit easier now, Mother murmured to Father as they discussed next months budget.
Mother didnt know Olivia was still awake, nor that her hearing was keen.
And then it all erupted.
So youre taking money from my ex behind my back?! Emma stormed into the kitchen. Youre all traitors! Youve conspired!
A fullblown interrogation followed. Mother finally cracked under the pressure, and later Emma began calling Olivia in the dead of night.
You thought you were clever, handling everything quietly? Youve humiliated me! My child doesnt need these handouts! Emma shouted, furious.
What are you on about, Emma? Olivia replied sleepily, yawning. Im just doing what you lackboth strength and conscience. Stop blaming the healthy for the sick.
Away with you! Emma screamed. I dont need anyones help! Ill survive on my own!
The argument halted there. Emma packed her things, shoved Tommy into his pram and slammed the door, disappearing into the night without saying where she was heading.
A phrase a friend, Lila, had whispered to her half a year earlier spun in Emmas mind: If you need anything, call me. Back then it had sounded like a sweet promise; now it was the only lifeline she could cling to.
Lila didnt refuse. She welcomed Tommy, kissed him, set up a spare room, even cooked a modest dinner, then gently asked what had happened.
Everythings fine. Its just suffocating here, Emma muttered. I need a night alone. Ill stay with you for a while, then sort myself out.
The first night passed quietly. Lila even enjoyed the company; one person was less lonely. By morning, however, the little cracks appeared. Emma didnt clear the dishes as she always did. She complained about the food being too salty, then too greasy.
The next day she rummaged through a cupboard and produced a sealed jar of coffee, without asking. It turned out to be a stash meant for gifts. That evening she begged Lila for more money.
Ive spent the last bit on nappies. Could you lend a little? Please until I find something.
Lila gave a strained smile and said shed see what she could do. Later, as Tommy finally slept, Lila told Emma they needed to talk.
Listen Ive got a visitor, Arthur, from Bolton. You remember? Wed arranged this a while back. So do you want me to find somewhere else for you?
You want me to leave? Emma asked, panic rising.
Not exactly It just happened. Maybe you have another friend you could stay with?
Right, Emma answered, though her insides felt knotted. Ill manage.
That morning Emma packed in silence, fighting back tears. Lila moved slowly around the kitchen, avoiding eye contact. Emma dressed Tommy, slipped on his shoes, and shuffled awkwardly down the hallway, never finding words to say. She stepped out of the flat without a proper goodbye.
Standing on the landing, she felt a hollow she hadnt known in yearsempty, shameful, terrifying. Options spun like knives in her mind. Going back to her parents was out of the question. Let them rot with their pills and retreats. With Lila things were clear.
And then she recalled David. He had been desperate to reconcile, though she had ignored him. Of everyone who could help, he remained. She dialled his number.
Hello?
Its me Emma. Tommy and I could we stay with you for a few days?
A startled pause.
Of course, Davids voice was cautious but warm.
The conversation ended, and a tentative new chapter began. Awkward at first, trust was thin, but at least there was a roof.
Olivia was the first to learn of their reunion. Mother and Father tried calling Emma, but she didnt answer. By the third day they gave up; by the fourth Olivia called.
Hello?
Yes, Emma answered in a faint, drained tone.
Where are you? Whats happened?
Were at Davids. Ill call back later.
Davids? Is Tommy alright?
Yes, were fine.
Olivia raised an eyebrow, surprised. She smirked slightly: better this than being a burden on her parents. She could only hope that the wounded pride that had driven Emma to David wouldnt shatter them again.
