**Diary Entry**
**September 12th**
“Jenna! Jen, whats wrong? Youre standing there like a statue! Come on, well be late for the cinemawe still need to grab popcorn!” Emilys voice snapped me out of my daze.
“What?” I blinked, my heart suddenly pounding.
“Whats wrong with you? Hurry up! The others are waiting!” she huffed, impatient.
“Em, honestly, I dont feel well. You go aheadIll head back to my flat,” I managed.
“Should I call someone? Youve gone completely pale,” she frowned.
“No, no Just apologise to Chris for me, yeah?” I forced a calm tone, but it cracked.
“Fine. Go rest. Maybe its just exam stress?” she offered.
“Yeah, maybe,” I muttered with a weak smile.
Emily left, glancing back a few times. I slumped onto a bench, gulped some water, and wiped my face. Better.
I hadnt told her why I froze. It wasnt exams. Moments before, a pregnant woman had walked past, pushing a pram with two toddlers. Emily hadnt noticed, but I My cheeks burned as my mind dragged me back ten years.
—
*”Jenny, stop dawdling with the dishes! I still need you to fetch nappies,” Mum barked, storming into the kitchen.*
*The plate slipped from my hands, clattering into the sink. Little George wailed from the cot.*
*”Clumsy girl! Now go settle himI just got him down!” she snapped.*
*”Alright” My voice was hoarse as I trudged to the nursery.*
I was the eldest in a house where Dad left before I turned two. Mum cycled through boyfriends, having a child with each. The chores and the little onesLily, Sophie, Harry, and Georgelanded on me.
*”Asleep?” Mum asked, cracking open a jar of jam.*
*”Mhm” I whispered, turning back to the dishes.*
*”Leave those. Fetch the nappies. You can finish laterafter school.”*
*”Mum, Ill be late again. My form teacher already scolds me,” I protested.*
*”Ten minutes wont kill you. I skipped school all the time, and look at mefine!” she scoffed.*
On my way back from the shop, classmates spotted me, ice creams in hand.
*”Oi, lookits Mummy Jenny!” one laughed.*
The nickname stuck after they saw me pushing the pram. I just wanted to be normalhanging out, films, books, crushesnot nappies and tantrums. I didnt hate the kids, but I resented Mum.
—
At eighteen, I dreamed of freedom: uni, moving to London. Once George started nursery, Mum got a job.
Then, one May morning, she looked grey.
*”Mum, are you ill?” I asked.*
*”Yeah. Make eggs for breakfast. The smell of foods making me sick”*
*”Whats wrong?” My voice shook.*
*”Dont play daft, Jenny. Im pregnant. Me and Pete are having a baby.”*
*”Why? Youre forty”*
*”Think I want this? Pete insisted. Oh, and hes moving in. Well have to squeeze in. Now, go make breakfast.”*
That sealed it. I aced my exams, left in August, and never looked back.
In London, I found work, friends, myself. I swore Id never have children.
—
*”Miss? Are you alright?” A mans voice snapped me back.*
*”Huh? Sorry, just tired.”*
*”Tired? Fancy a coffee? Theres a nice café nearby.”*
I said yes. His name was Daniel. We hit it off, started dating. But the closer we grew, the heavier my dread. I mightve wanted marriagebut kids? No.
One evening, he took me to dinner. I knew what was coming and braced to say no.
He slid a velvet ring box across the table.
*”Jen, I love you. But before you answer, theres something you should know.”*
*”What?” My vision blurred.*
*”I cant have children. If you marry me, therell be no secrets between us. Adoption wouldnt be right for me.” His voice wavered.*
*”Yes,” I choked out.*
*”Are you sure?”*
*”Completely. Ive got things to tell you toojust not here. But Ill say this: I never want kids. Ever.”*
We married, moved to Bristol. Mum and the little ones dont even know where I am. I cut ties, and now, with Daniel, Im happy.
Our evenings are simpletea on the balcony, quiet talks. No chaos, no drama. Some might not understand, but this? Its everything I wanted.
Sometimes, memories surface. But they dont hurt anymore. Theyre just part of the story that led me hereto Daniels smile, to this peace. And I know, without a doubt, I chose right.
