28April
I woke up in Claires flat feeling a knot in my stomach. Are you pregnant? I heard Claires voice from the bathroom, her eyebrows raised in disbelief. Why are you even here?
I tried to explain, but she snapped the laptop shut and glared at me. Did anyone ever tell you that you cant just take other peoples things without asking? she said, her tone as sharp as a winter wind. I realised it was better to retreat to the other room.
That night, the more I thought about it, the clearer it became that I had to get out of that flat. Claire had been rummaging through my stuff, looking for a recipe she thought would help me. I packed a bag in the early hours, telling myself Id be back before James returned from his threemonth work placement.
When I was twentythree, I met James on the street. A stranger approached me, handed me a white rose on a long stem, and asked if we could get to know each other. He was nothing flashy, just an ordinary bloke, yet there was a charisma about him, and he proved himself gentle and attentive.
A month later I could not imagine life without James. He felt the same, and within another month I moved into his twobed flat, leaving my cramped rented room behind. Six months after that he asked me to marry him.
Hes hes I stammered, trying to find words that would do justice to my fiancé when I told Claire. I adore him, and he loves me too.
Congratulations, Claire replied dryly. I ignored the coldness in her voice. Since Mums death Ive had no one close besides Claire, and now even she seemed distant.
Thank you, I said, exhaling. Only problemJames is away for three months, trying to earn enough for our honeymoon.
Right, Claire answered, her tone unchanged. Ill let you know when we set a date. Youre invited, of course.
Yes, she said.
It has always been like this: Im the sensitive, delicate one; Claire is the stern, hardnosed, selfsufficient one. I was even afraid to introduce James to Claire, fearing she might not like him.
James called once, Love, its only about 500miles to my hometown. Ill be back on weekends or you can come over. But we only managed to meet once a month because his workload was relentless. The faster they finish the project, the sooner hell be home. Im willing to wait foreverJames is doing his best for both of us, and my modest assistantaccountant salary cant contribute much to our future.
In the second month of his assignment, strange messages started arrivingfirst texts, then voice notes from a robotic-sounding number. The voice warned me not to do anything that might upset him, hinted that the wedding would bring trouble. I felt a chill run down my spine. The number was untraceable and the messages vanished after a few hours. I kept it to myself, terrified.
Later I found a voodoolike doll on my doorstep, its long chestnut hair exactly like mine, its face cut from a photograph. A large needle pierced its chest, and a tiny paper clutched to it bore threats identical to those in the messages. My sensitive nature reacted instantly; I felt faint. I called in sick, citing a fever that didnt exist, and didnt tell anyone.
Only James could have sympathised, but I didnt want to trouble him while he was earning money. I told myself it was all nonsense, a cruel joke, perhaps from someone connected to James. When James comes back, well sort it out, I thought, trying to shake the dark thoughts away.
Two days later, as I was leaving the courtyard, a motorcyclist swerved at me. He nearly ran me down, seemed to aim his bike straight at me before braking at the last second. I jumped aside, caught my heel on the curb and tumbled onto the pavement, knocking my head. A passerby, despite my protests, called an ambulance.
At the hospital they diagnosed a mild concussion, a few bruises and pregnancy. I refused admission, claimed Id fallen on my own, and when I got home realised I couldnt return to Jamess flat. Someone was clearly out to get me, and now I was carrying his child, a life I must protect.
Can I stay with you for a few days? I begged Claire.
What happened? she asked, irritated. Did your lover throw you out?
James is on a worktrip and
Oh, right. Come over, tell me everything.
I poured out the whole storymessages, the doll, the nearaccident.
I dont want to distract James, I sighed. I need to tell him about the baby in person, make it beautiful, as he loves things done properly.
Claire softened a bit, Its not a hostel here, but you can stay for a couple of weeks, no more.
That was a relief. James had mentioned hed get a twoday leave soon, and then we could sort everything out.
Since Mum died we sold the house and split the proceeds. Claire, with a steady job and a good salary, took out a mortgage; I could only buy a tiny studio that was still a shell. The development was supposed to finish six months ago, but it still hadnt. I had nowhere else to go, so I tried to keep a low profile, buying groceries, cooking, keeping the flat tidy, yet I could feel Claires irritation whenever I was in sight.
Ten days later my phone froze and died as I desperately tried to find a medication online.
Claire, can I borrow your laptop? I shouted from the bathroom, and without waiting for an answer I opened it. By sheer coincidence, the first letters I typed triggered a search for abortion pills. The page swarmed with related queries and homebrew concoctions.
The voicenote from earlier played again: Youre pregnant? I heard Claires shocked exclamation as she emerged from the bath. Why are you here?
The laptop is yours, dont take other peoples stuff without asking! she snapped. I fled to another room, and that night I decided I had to leave the flat for good.
I slipped out in the early dawn, telling myself James would be back in a few days and I could survive until then. I had so much to tell him, including the night I spent at Claires, which Id kept secret to avoid bothering him.
Luck finally turned when James returned, though he arrived looking angry, demanding to know who the father was.
Of course its you! I stammered, scared. How did you even know?
He stared at me for a long minute, then lunged forward, gripping me tightly.
Im sorry! I almost lost it when I got that anonymous message. Im such a fool! he whispered, tears in his eyes.
I sobbed, then, when I calmed, I recounted the months strange events. His expression shifted from astonishment to pallor to embarrassment.
Forgive me, he said again, I should have told you everything from the start.
He confessed that three months before we met he had been seeing Claire. She had hinted at marriage, but something held him back. Hed even driven Claire to meet me once, hoping wed get introducedhis sister, he said, had refused. He never left the city and eventually realized he loved me, not her.
Silence fell.
The next day I told Claire we were over and set my sights on you, he admitted.
I called Claire, voice shaking.
Is this true? Is it you? I asked.
And you thought you could steal my fiancé so easily? Claire replied after a pause. I was pregnant with him once, had an abortion. Who knows what else happened
I swallowed. I didnt know
Of course you didnt! I still hoped hed dump you too, but here we arewedding, baby, everything. What makes you any better than me?
I pressed reset on my phone and stared at the wall, eyes dry.
They married a month and a half later, no grand ceremony, just a quiet affair. Their daughter was born on schedule. Claire and I no longer speak at all.
