“Sorry I missed your birthday, mate. Had a bit of a scrape,” began Oliver, downing a swift gulp of bitter. “Proper nightmare, really. Was leaving a job site, just pulled onto the road when this kid leaps straight at my bonnet. Can you believe it? Lucky I was crawling along. Jumped out, heart in my throat, and theres the ladalive, cheeky as you like. Little ginger thing, no older than six. ‘You alright?’ I ask. ‘Right as rain,’ he says. Asked where his mum was. ‘At home making tea,’ he tells me. So I say, ‘Lets have a word with her then, sort this out.’ He leads me to his flat, points at the door, then ducks behind me like Im a shield. Woman answersstunning, but tired round the edges. ‘Sorry to bother you,’ I say, ‘somethings happened. Dont panic, but Ive just hit your son with my car. Hes fine, see?’ I nudge the boy forward. ‘Should we call the police?’ ‘No need,’ she says, quiet-like. ‘Fifth time hes done this.’ ‘Come again?’ ‘Ethan, bedroom. Now,’ she tells him sharp. Then to me: ‘Kitchen. Fancy a cuppa? Or coffee?’ Her tea was proper lush, steeped with some fancy leaves. ‘Apologies,’ she saysEmily, her name was. ‘Ethan overheard me telling a mate how hard it is raising him alone, so now hes decided to fetch me a husband this way. Youre the fifth bloke hes thrown himself at. Nearly gave two of them heart attacks. Ive told him hes all I need, but hes stubborn, like his grandad. Car alright? Ill cover the repairs if No? Suit yourself.’ And there I was, staring at her, knowing Id gone and fallen proper in love. Youll think Im daft, Paul, but it hit me like a brick: shes the one. Worn-out dressing gown, no makeup, and Im done for. Felt like if I walked away, I might as well jump off the nearest bridge. ‘I know how this sounds,’ I say, ‘but maybe you and Ethand let me take you to the pictures? Make it up to you.’ ‘Shouldnt,’ she says. ‘Hell get ideas again.’ ‘Not your type, then?’ ‘Snot that. Its just feels like Im sending him out as bait. Proper shameful.’ ‘Aye, and now Im the opportunist,’ I joke. ‘Off to hell in a handcart together. Might as well share the bonfire, eh?’ Blathered some other nonsense, but next day, I fetched them. Saw *Jurassic Park* at the Odeon. Then Nandos. Then Well, long story short, Paulthats why Im here. Weddings in June. Need a photographer. Fancy it?” Oliver flashed his phone: a snap of a laughing redhead and a gap-toothed boy. “Reckon Cupids not got wings. Just freckles and two missing milk teeth. Names Ethan. Surname? Well, hell have mine soon enough. No doubt about that.”
Forgive Me for Missing Your Birthday, I Had an Accident.
