I stayed with her, I swear
Eleanor, Ive been a fool, my husband pleaded, I dont know how this happened. Forgive me, I beg you! I swear Ill never speak to her again. Ill change my work if you wish. Shall we leave? Dont abandon me
September greeted Eleanor with a cool yet gentle sun. Yellow leaves twirled beneath her feet, and the air smelled of damp earth and the approaching autumn. She hastily packed her trunks. Ahead lay a long journey to a remote village in the Yorkshire Dales, where her mother, suddenly stricken, waited.
At first it seemed a simple chill, but a deep unease settled in Eleanors chest, growing day by day. The doctors delivered a grim diagnosis that fell on her like an icy shower. Her husband, Charles, stayed at home; he could not accompany his wife. Eleanor had to make the only sensible choice: take their little boy, Tommy, and fly straight to her mother. Thus began their harsh, exhausting fight for precious time.
The first three months were a blur of endless doctor visits, piles of test results, and frantic searches for a competent physician. Whenever a free window opened, Eleanor returned home, yet the feeling that something had shifted clung to her. The house was still tidy, the hearth warm, Charles still tended the garden, but her thoughts were anchored in the Dales. The home was not desertedCharles tried to keep the routine, the comfort lingered, yet Eleanors focus had moved elsewhere.
Just as her mother steadied, Eleanor was forced to pack again. Tommy, weary from flights and hospital corridors yet obedient, rode with her. More planes, more doctors, a flickering hope that rose and fell. By March there was a slight relief: her mother improved a little, and Eleanor afforded a brief respite, returning home for a couple of weeks.
In that short lull, truth, like a stubborn weed, broke through. Tommy complained that his phone had slipped into the bath. Eleanor recalled a tip shed read in a womens magazineplace the device in a bowl of rice.
She retrieved the handset, switched it on. The screen lit up, showing an incoming message. Charles lounged peacefully on the settee at that moment.
Tommy, lookyour phone works, Eleanor said, handing him the device. He lazily scrolled through the notifications and suddenly froze.
Whats this? Eleanor leaned in, noticing his stiff posture. Im falling in love with you more and more. What does it mean?
Charles sat up abruptly, coughing to mask his agitation, his hands trembling slightly.
Eleanor, youve got it all wrong, he blurted, its just a joke, a colleague at work was pulling a prank. Were a bit mischievous sometimes
A joke? Eleanor crossed her arms, feeling a chill despite the cosy room, mischief?
Im being honest, its nonsense. We simply work together, nothing personal.
Are you sure? Because such messages arent usually sent by just colleagues, she replied, studying his face for any hint of deceit.
Im certain. Youre letting your mothers illness get to you. Lets drop it and go for a walk. The sun is out, we need some fresh air.
His eager urging to stroll seemed a desperate attempt to change the subject, and Eleanor, exhausted by three months of relentless stress, acquiesced. She blamed his anxiety on nerves and fatigue, and they walked, but the false calm lasted only a moment.
No sooner had they returned than another message arrived from the same coworker, this one far more explicit. A pang of jealousy rose in Eleanor, yet she chose to speak with Charles first, avoiding a scene.
Charles, look at what she sent now. This isnt a joke.
He took the phone; his face went pale.
It its a mistake. Ill tell her to stop.
Youll write to her? Or should I? Eleanors voice quivered.
Eleanor, I love only you. Theres no point in making a fuss over nonsense.
Then the cycle repeatedplane, mother, doctors, test results, hospital wards. Tommy remained the sole constant in the chaos. The mothers condition eased a touch, granting Eleanor another brief sigh of relief.
March came again. With her mother a little stronger, Eleanor allowed herself one more trip home to try and regain balance. Yet balance eluded her. A short SMS thread she skimmed that day would not leave her mind. She could not simply forget those words.
She decided not to wait for another excuse and confronted Charles directly.
Charles, I need the truth. I cant live with vague explanations.
I told you everything! It was just a clumsy joke. I dont understand why you bring it up again.
Because Im uneasy, Eleanor replied firmly.
Charles tensed.
Eleanor, why stir the pot? Its already messy enough
I spoke with your colleague, Eleanor said, her voice turning icecold, and she reached out herself.
He froze.
She wrote, Eleanor continued, looking straight into his eyes, Yes, I love you. Yes, we had something. What will you say to that, Charles?
He remained silent, his face turning ashen.
Leave, her voice trembled with restrained emotion, pack your things and go.
No, he whispered, youre making a huge mistake! I never did anything with her. She fabricated everything, and you fell for some lunatic!
I dont believe you! Eleanor snapped, pulling out her phone and flashing him the screenshot where the other woman confessed everything, Here! See? Your joke!
Charles lowered his head. An eternity of silence followed. When he finally lifted his eyes, guilt and despair mingled within them.
Fine. I slipped. I love only you, Eleanor, I always have. Its true.
Slipped?! Eleanor laughed bitterly, Three years of lies! How can you disrespect a person so?
Its not a lie; I truly love you! I was just often away
Absent? Only cowards behave like that! she shouted, stepping back, Youre a coward!
But I didnt leave you, Ellie, I didnt abandon you! he pleaded, reaching for her hand, Were together
Eleanor withdrew her hand. Whether he left or not mattered little now, compared with the wound hed inflicted.
Didnt abandon me? she asked, sour, You tormented yourself, ran between us, but you never truly left
I couldnt! I love you!
Love? Eleanor shook her head, No, you stayed because it was convenient, not because you loved me. Im past analyzing your motives. I must go. Mothers condition worsened.
Another flight. Another journey to the Dales, doctors, wards. The battle continued, now bearing both her mothers illness and Charless betrayal.
Her mother passed in August. By New Years, Eleanor moved through life like a dream, mechanically performing daily tasks. The house she once called a fortress now felt foreign. Tommy was her anchor, the sole reason she didnt dissolve into endless grey.
When the first months of despair eased, she began to wake up, yet never fully recovered. Every glance at Charles burned. She could not bear to see his face, hear his voice. Still, she clung to the need to care for Tommy, who seemed to sense her turmoil.
Realising the depth of his fault, Charles tried to mend things. He stayed close, offered help, begged forgiveness, pleaded for a return to the way things were.
Eleanor, please, lets try again. I made a terrible mistake. I know. But I never left when you went to your mother. Isnt that proof of my love?
Her mind replayed the messages shed stumbled upon while clearing her phones memory. Words shed missed in the heat of desperation now resurfaced with cruel clarity.
You know youre my everything, he had written to the other woman.
And her reply, etched in Eleanors mind:
Did I tell your wife everything right? Someone should have pushed her. Any other woman would have left, but you youre a rag!
Eleanor watched Tommy building a tower in the corner, his concentration reminding her of herself as a childdetermined, clever. He did not deserve a home where his mother suffered lies from his father.
Charles entered, two mugs of herbal tea in hand.
Here, a hot brew. Please, drink.
Eleanor took the mug but did not sip.
I cant, Charles
We agreedtime heals. Give us time. Ill do anything for your forgiveness.
Time? she smiled bitterly, Time showed youre a master liar. You stayed because leaving became inconvenient, not because I meant anything to you. Her words prove it.
It was foolish of her! I banned her, I said it was over!
You didnt ban her, Charles. You simply chose the easier story to keep me from collapsing.
Eleanor inhaled deeply.
I cannot forgive. Not now. Maybe never. But I must live, and Tommy must live. Well live apart for a while. Ill send him to his aunt for a couple of weeks, and Ill stay with a friend. I need to find what I want next.
Charles turned ashen, understanding this was more than a pauseit was a real chance to lose everything.
Eleanor, dont do this. Please. Ill see a therapist, any specialist. Ill quit my job if needed. Just dont go.
Im not leaving you, Charles. Im leaving the lies, she whispered, I cannot love you now, and I will not live within falsehood any longer. Well speak when I returnif I ever do
She never returned. Two months apart, then the decision: she would not keep the family together, even for Tommy. Charles changed jobs, cut off the other woman, yet Eleanor knew that young woman would forever linger in his and her memory, a fact she could never reconcile with. Never.
