In the hallway two suitcases waited for her, packed with everything she owned.
What the? First Im feeding your child, and now you want to hang a bloke on my neck too?! she shouted.
Have you lost your mind? Let him rot in his own mess!
No matter how hard Diana tried to calm her husband, to beg and even weep, he held firm: Either Poppy helps with the baby, or Im out.
Poppy, from as far back as she could remember, had been trying to win her mothers affection. It hadnt been easy even when she lived under her parents roof for the first five years, Diana was indifferent.
Yes, she provided for the little girl: fed her, clothed her, washed her, drove her to nursery, but warmth and cuddles were scarce.
When the marriage collapsed, the father vanished to whoknowswhere and never returned. He had already been an absentee, working long hours and travelling, and whenever he was home he and Diana fought constantly. So his disappearance was taken in stride, while the loss of her mother pained Poppy deeply.
Soon after the split, Diana sent Poppy to stay with her own mother in a Kent village.
Youre not a spoiled brat, the grandmother, Ethel, declared sternly. Your mothers had a rough go, and she deserves a happy life. Or do you not love her?
I love her, Poppy sniffed, wiping tears, bewildered why her mother seemed happier without her.
Years later, listening in on adult chatter, Poppy pieced together her mothers suffering. In her youth Diana had been headoverheels for a bloke called Brian. Theyd planned to marry, but a fight sent him to a more ambitious girl. In a fit of spite Diana wed Poppys father, a man who adored her, bore her a daughter and tried to bury the betrayal. It didnt work perfectly, but life settled into a familiar pattern: husband, child, flat, even a job.
Then Brian resurfaced. He wasnt remorseful, just apologetic, promising the abandoned fiancée mountains of gold. Diana, desperate, threw herself into his arms as if diving into a whirlpool. Her new husband, however, balked at the spectre of a girl from another man, and Diana hurried Poppy back to Ethels care.
Ethel, sure she could look after her beloved granddaughter, was strict but not cruel. She kept Poppy busy with chores, tending the chickens and the garden, shouting when needed, yet they lived in a fairly harmonious rhythm.
Diana visited almost every month, and Poppy waited for those trips with a fluttering heart, hoping for a hug, a kiss, and a promise: Lets go home, love. Ive missed you so much.
Oi, Poppy! sneered her friend Lina. Everyone knows your mum swapped you for a bloke, and you keep dreaming of fairytale endings!
You dont get it! Poppy snapped. Just circumstances
Exactly! Extraordinary ones! Lina laughed outright.
Theyd even quarreled over it a couple of times, but made up later after all, they were friends.
Ethel passed away when Poppy turned fifteen. Poor girl felt a pang of guilt, but finally she could move in with her mother. Not to a childrens home, of course.
She wasnt sent to a care home, but the family flat wasnt exactly welcoming either.
Send her to study in another city, Brian muttered to Diana, thinking they were alone. Shell get a dorm and a trade.
No, Brian, thats not right, Diana replied timidly. Shes already stressed after Grandmothers death, and what will people think?
Youre always on shift, youll barely notice her. Ill talk to her.
Fine, lets try, the stepdad grumbled.
Naturally, Poppy loathed him even more. If only Brian hadnt intervened, mother and daughter might have lived happily together.
She worked hard to earn Dianas praise, using every domestic tip Ethel had taught her. The flat sparkled thanks to her, Diana soon forgot how to do laundry or ironing, and Poppy even cooked better than the old lady. She studied hard, planning after Year 9 to train as a hairdresser so she could support Diana.
Maybe then she could ditch the obnoxious Brian, who now supported Diana entirely and hadnt worked for ages.
Poppy imagined Diana barely caring for her husband. He was chubby, balding, a bore. Why on earth did she settle for him? She kept those thoughts to herself for a while.
About a year later, while Poppy was at college, the news broke: Diana had a new lover a fairly young, handsome, wellheeled man named Nicholas. Theyd been dating for months and were planning a wedding.
Hell be perfect for you! Diana gushed, telling Poppy about Nicholas. Well live in a country house with staff and everything.
Are you sure? Poppy asked, doubtful.
She, too, thought Diana deserved better than the loathsome Brian, yet Nicholas didnt inspire confidence either.
Absolutely! Diana chirped.
Nicholas, however, had other ideas. When he learned Diana was pregnant a fact she had deliberately pushed forward he vanished. Turns out he already had a wife, two kids and a powerful fatherinlaw.
The fatherinlaw would kill us if he found out, especially about the baby, Nicholas warned Diana. He doesnt care whether youre a woman or athing. Keep quiet, maybe consider an abortion.
Abortion was out of the question the pregnancy was too far along. Diana feared testing the fatherinlaws temper.
You must save me, she cried, pleading with Poppy. Or well both be left with nothing when Brian deserts me.
Mom, well manage. Im about to start work
How manage? Diana snapped. I want a normal life! Normal!
She sobbed harder, scaring Poppy, and finally forced herself to speak.
If you dont want to end up literally motherless, help me, Diana implored.
Of course, Mum! You know I love you! Poppy replied, tears welling.
Dianas plan was simple and, in her mind, brilliant. She would bear the child, list Poppy as the mother, and at seventeen no one would question the fathers identity. No one needed to know who the babys real parents were; everything would be consensual, with no blame.
In fact, no explanations were ever required. By seven months the baby bump was small, and Diana stayed mostly indoors. Eventually they moved to a modest house in a gardenvillage, the birth attended by a private midwife for a fee.
Coincidentally, Brian was on a sixmonth overseas posting, so he was completely unaware.
Poppy didnt care much for the minutiae; Diana handled everything, and they returned home with a tiny infant, Dan, officially listed under Poppys name.
What the hell is this?! Brian roared when he saw the baby in their flat.
Calm down, love, Diana cooed. Its just a firstlove tragedy, the childs innocent
What the? First Im feeding your daughter, now you want to hang a lad on my throat?
Are you out of your mind? Let him rot in his own mess!
Diana tried again to soothe him, crying, but he stood his ground: Either Poppy cleans up with the baby, or Im leaving!
Dont worry, love, Brian will calm down, everything will be fine, Diana told Poppy.
But it didnt get better. Two days after Brians return, Poppy came back from a walk with Dan to find two suitcases waiting in the hallway.
The stepdad loomed there, it was clear there was no choice. A frightened Diana clung to him, eyes pleading with her daughter.
Poppy, maybe you should give the baby to a childrens home? she whispered, fearful of her husbands stare.
In that moment Poppy realised shed never get love, tenderness or understanding from her mum. The choice had been made against her, and it would stay that way.
She stepped resolutely into the hallway, lifted the peacefully sleeping Dan from his pram and handed him to Diana:
Your son do with him what you will.
She left the flat under a funerallike hush, grabbing one suitcase (the other clearly held the babys things). There was simply nowhere for her in that house any longer.
