The Noodle
“What are you doing?” asked Emily, watching as her husband tucked a note with his number under the windscreen wiper of the car hed just bumped while reversing.
“Leaving my details so they can call meI have to make it right.”
“Why? Its pitch black, no one saw,” she whispered, glancing around. “This isnt even our neighbourhoodlets just go.”
“Thats not the right thing to do. What if someone hit *us* and drove off?”
“Just look at this car! It probably costs more than our flat. To them, this dent is nothing!”
“No, I cant. Dont you understand?”
They climbed back into their car, and James carefully pulled out of the estate.
“How are you going to pay for the repairs? Weve got barely anything, just scraps thatll go towards the new flat,” Emily pressed.
“The new job pays wellIll cover it within a year. We wont even notice,” James reassured her, following the sat-navs route.
“You havent even started yet, and already youre in debt,” Emily muttered, staring at unfamiliar houses through the window. “Ive told youthis ridiculous honesty of yours will ruin us. You cant be like this, understand?”
James stayed silent.
Thirty minutes later, as sunlight crept over rooftops, they arrived at the rental flat, where the landlord waited.
“Just the two of you, yes?” asked the suited, meticulous man after theyd inspected the place. Seated at the kitchen table, he began drafting the lease.
“And a cat,” James added. Emily rolled her eyes.
“A cat?” The landlord frowned. “Your wife didnt mention a cat.”
Emily wanted to vanish on the spot, burning with shame for her husband.
“I wouldnt have rented to you if Id known. Pets cause damage,” he said, setting down his pen.
He hesitated, making the couple sweat, then sighed.
“Fine. You seem decent, and youve come all the way from Leeds.” His tense expression showed him weighing options.
“Ill add a hundred quid a monthfor pet risks. Take it or leave it.”
“I dont think” Emily started, but James cut in.
“Well take it. Sorry for not saying earlier.”
“Good. Shake on it,” the landlord smiled, finishing the paperwork.
***
“Why did you tell him about the cat? I *left* him in the car for a reason!” Emily hissed once they were alone.
“Lying isnt right,” James protested, unpacking.
“Oh, and paying an extra £1,200 a year *is*?” She hurled clothes into drawers. “I love your honesty, but there have to be limits!”
“At least weve got the flat. Dont worryIll earn it all back at the new job.”
“Sure. Get hired first. With your scruples, no ones making you regional manager. They want smooth talkers who can spin a yarn, not someone whod overpay a vending machine!”
“You think I wont get it?” James looked stricken, setting a mug down clumsily. It shattered on the tiled floor, cracking a tile.
“We could hide it under a rug. But youd rather pay for the repair, right?” Emily shot back.
James nodded guiltily.
“You wont get it,” she said flatly.
“What do I do?” He slumped onto a stool, defeated.
The job was their fresh starta chance to save for a mortgage, start a family.
“Show them you can bend when needed. Learn to spin a tale. Everyone lies.”
James nodded grimly. He knew people exploited his honesty while success eluded him. It was time to change.
“Alright. Youre right. Ill do it.”
***
At the interview, James was impeccable. His degree and references spoke for themselves. The director nodded approvingly after each answer. The job was his.
“Based on this, youre perfect,” the director smiled, setting aside the form. “One last question.” His tone turned icy. “Would you prioritise the companys gain over a clients trust?”
“Pardon?” James blinked.
“Could you spin a yarn? Act unethically, if it profited us?”
The directors stare made James stomach twist. He longed to say *no*but remembered Emilys words.
“Easily. No issue at all,” James said coolly, crossing his legs. The job was his.
“Youre not hired. Goodbye.”
“W-what? Why?”
“We value honesty here. Were not some shady outfit. One wrong deal tarnishes years of trust.”
“ButI misunderstood! Id never lie!” James pleaded, confidence gone.
“More lies? No thanks. We dont need snakes. *Goodbye.*”
James left, world crumbling. Debts, dashed hopeshed failed Emily. All for abandoning who he was.
***
“Got the job. Dont worry,” James lied when Emily called.
*If Im lying now, why stop?* he thought. *Ill fake going to work until something turns up.*
Then, an unknown caller.
“About the car you hit. Come sort it out.”
James heart sank. The savings were gone.
At the address, legs weak, he dialled the owner.
Out stepped the director whod rejected him. James pulse spiked.
“Well, well. You again,” the director said, amused. “Whyd you dent my wifes bonnet?”
“I didnt see”
“More yarn-spinning?” The director stepped closer.
“No. Ill pay.”
“With what? Youre unemployed.”
“Ill manage.”
“GoodIll deduct it from your wages,” the director grinned, clapping his shoulder.
“Wages?”
“Your second chance. We need honest people. But why lie earlier?”
“Everyone does. No harm in it,” James echoed Emily.
“No harmif it helps without hurting. We *do* use that here.”
“How?”
“Tell you laterif you work for us.” The director winked, offering his hand.
Hed never deduct a pennythe insurance covered it. But James wouldnt learn that for a year.
