“Don’t Ask to Move In With Me”
“Honestly, why should I be responsible for looking after someone elses grandma? Shes nothing to me!” snapped my daughter-in-law, her voice sharp with indignation.
Olivia felt a sudden rush of heat, her breath catching in her throat. Julia sat sprawled in their living room, arms crossed over her chest, her swollen belly impossible to ignore. The baby wasnt far off now, but money was tighter than ever. Yet here she was, acting as if she owned the world.
My son, Simon, sat beside her, holding her hand in silence. Whether he agreed or was just waiting for the storm to blow over on its own, I couldnt tell.
“Julia, love, dont you think youre making a mountain out of a molehill?” I asked, keeping my voice steady. “Margaret is perfectly capable of looking after herselfshed even cook for you, knowing her.”
“Oh, sure, for now,” Julia scoffed. “Who knows what shell be like in a year?”
“Thats just itno one knows,” I pointed out. “What if, heaven forbid, *you* need help a year from now? Family looks after each other, not just themselves.”
“You just want to dump your elderly mother-in-law on us!” Julia fired back. “What if she starts losing her mind? I wont feel safe leaving her alone with a baby!”
Olivia and Simon exchanged glances. This was *his* mother we were talking about, and it clearly stung. He shifted uncomfortably but held his tongueknowing that losing his temper would only make things worse.
But Olivia had had enough.
“Listen, Julia, no ones forcing you,” she said coolly. “Margaret offered to help out of kindness, to take you under her roof. If you dont like it, youre free to manage on your own.”
It was no surprise Olivia was furious. Back in her day, Margaret had never made such generous offers. When Olivia and Simon were first starting out, Margaret had adjusted her glasses and laid down the law:
“Olivia, Ive nothing against you, but lets be cleardont ask to move in with me. I run my own home, and thats how it stays. My mother always said the farther apart a mother-in-law lives, the better the relationship. So visit me, call me, and Ill help with money if neededbut we wont share a roof. Two mistresses in one kitchen never ends well.”
At the time, Olivia had been hurt. She and Simon were crammed into a rented room with dodgy neighbours, and sharing a home had seemed sensible. But Margaret had been firmstubborn, but wise. She knew money troubles were temporary, but family feuds? Those lasted forever. And in those wars, no one ever won.
Years passed, and Olivia came to see Margaret had been right. Their relationship had been peacefulnot warm, but free of screaming matches. Margaret helped from a distance: sending money at Christmas, listening without interfering, babysitting when needed.
But with Julia? The picture was already very different.
“Simon, love, why the rush?” Olivia had asked when he announced the wedding. “Youve only just moved outtwo months on your own, and now this? Try living together first. See if you even suit each other.”
“Mum, its just a bit of paper,” hed brushed her off. “Makes Julia feel secure. If it doesnt work, Ill just divorce her.”
Now, seven months into their “bit of paper,” they were weeks away from midnight feedings.
When Olivia found out Julia was pregnant, she nearly lost it. How could they afford a child? They could barely feed themselves. Kids werent exactly cheap.
Then, unexpectedly, Margaret stepped in.
“Ive been thinking,” she said. “Let Simon and Julia move in with me. Ive a spare room, and theyll need to savefor the cot, maternity leave…”
Maternity leave. Simon couldnt support a family alonenot that he seemed eager to try. He drifted between jobsshop assistant, waiter, call centre droneno trade, no degree.
Margarets offer was a lifeline. But Julia? She clearly saw it differently. Or wanted more.
“Its a kind idea,” she said when discussing it with Olivia. “But wouldnt it be better if *you* took Margaret in?”
“Why on earth?”
“Well, youve got three bedrooms. With us three, plus her… itd be cramped,” Julia hedged. “And with the baby, Id rather have space. Margaret would toobabies are noisy.”
Olivia was stunned. Even more so when it turned into “I wont be your free carer.”
But the real blow came when Simon finally spoke up.
“Mum, dont overreact,” he said, as if *she* was the one kicking off. “It just makes sense. Shes *your* mum. If anything happens, caring for her *is* your job.”
Olivia felt like shed been slapped. Shed always dreamed of a close familynot one arguing over whod wipe whose backside.
“Did you even ask Margaret if she *wants* to move?” Olivia asked icily. “What if she refuses?”
“She doesnt need to know weve discussed this,” Simon said smoothly. “If she says no… well, theres another option. *You* move in with her. Face ityouve a three-bed house, no more kids coming. What do you need all that space for?”
Olivia gaped. She was too furious to speak.
Thats when my husband, James, snapped.
“Right. Off you pop, both of you. Well talk later.”
His tone was flat, but Simon and Olivia knewhe was one wrong word from throwing them out.
Simon dragged Julia away, despite her protests. They called a few times after, stiff and cold, testing the waters. But Olivia stood firm: move in with Margaret on *her* terms, or figure it out yourselves.
They chose the latter. Didnt even invite us to the hospital. Olivia pretended not to care, though it stung.
Then, six months later, Margaret called, cheerful as ever.
“Olivia, love! How are you?”
“Same as always. You?”
“Oh, just doing a big clean-out! Fancy helping? Im clearing the spare roomnew bedding, everything! Simons finally moving in! Ill get to spoil my great-grandbaby. Old, but not useless yet!”
Olivias heart clenched. Shed never told Margaret the truth. But now she had to.
“Margaret… can I be honest?”
“Go on, then.”
She told her everything. How theyd tried to shuffle her off like some senile burden. How Julia had called her “some random old woman.” All this, after Margaret had bent her own rules to help them.
“I see. Thanks for telling me,” Margaret said quietly.
The next day, Simon texted:
“Did you make Gran change her mind? Mum, I didnt think youd stoop so low.”
“Thank Julia,” Olivia shot back. “She didnt want to live with her. Now she wont have to.”
She silenced her phone and got ready to leave. Shed visit Margaret today. Funnyher mother-in-law had ended up closer than her own son. Because Margaret never snarled behind backs or made demands.
And because, as it turned out, distance *did* bring people together. Not alwaysbut in this family, it had.
