Dear Diary,
Its late, the house is quiet, and Im finally sitting down to make sense of everything thats happened.
What are you doing here? Emma asked, her voice edged with caution as she stood in the hallway of our flat.
Back, as you can see, James said, trying to grin while gesturing toward the two suitcases hed dragged in.
Since when? Emma tilted her head, a hint of bewilderment in her eyes. Its only been six months.
Emma, I cant just Im torn up inside. The thought of walking away from you ripped my heart apart. It feels like my souls in tatters, and Ive been watching you suffer.
Do you think Im the one suffering? she replied, a note of irony in her tone.
No, at least I wont have to pretend in front of anyone, James chuckled, a grim sort of humor. You can keep telling everyone my leaving meant nothing, that youve moved on and are fine!
I know its hard for youalone, with the little one!
She gave a thoughtful hum, dragging her words out.
Did the lock break? James rattled a keyring, his voice oddly triumphant. Probably because I didnt oil it properly. See? Proof!
Emma fell silent, unsure how to answer. The clatter of the lift doors opening on our floor cut through the tension.
Dad? a small voice asked, confused.
Yes, son, James scooted down and opened his arms. Im moving back in. Come here, lets hug.
Tommy stared at his mother for a beat, then gave a reluctant nod.
Alright, Emma said, lets see what youve brought.
James entered the flat like an owner, but his steps to the kitchen felt more like a guests tentative shuffle.
A new coat rack for keys stood by the entrance, a sleek shoe cabinet replaced the old one, a different lamp glowed in the hallway, and the internal doors were all brandnew.
When Emma passed the bathroom following James, she flicked a switch.
Whats that? James asked.
Remember how damp the bathroom always was? Emma reminded him. I installed an extractor so I dont have to keep the door open.
She waved it off. Twenty minutes or sodoesnt matter. Tea or coffee?
Make me a coffee, James said, perching on a newly bought stool.
Emma fetched a pod from the machine, popped it in and pressed the button.
Ill just change my coat, she said, smiling.
No problem, James replied, gesturing calmly.
The kitchen had more than just a new stool and coffee machine; the pots were different, the tiles behind the kettle were ceramic rather than the vinyl stickers James once liked, and fresh towel hooks now hung by the sink.
Emma, now in a tracksuit rather than the old robe, looked at James, whose mood had shifted entirely since he first walked in.
Whats he? James snapped, his tone sharper than usual.
Who? Emma asked, confused.
What man did you bring into the house? I need to know whos raising my son! And for the record, were not divorced yet!
Have a coffee, Emma said with a wry smile.
James threw his hands up. Look at her! I came back out of pity, and here shes doing whatever, with a living husband in the picture! Emma!
Drink your coffee, his voice sounded like an order.
Im going to spill this coffee over your head! James leapt up. Whats happening here? I demand an explanation!
Six months ago Emma decided her life had hit a dead end. The shock was overwhelming.
Emma, I think our marriage has run its course, James declared. The feelings are gone, the warmth is gone. Theres nothing left that ties us together. Staying together just for Tommy feels like a massive sacrifice.
Divorce? Emma asked, fear trembling in her voice.
I suggest we take it slow, James replied. I could be wrongmaybe terribly wrong. Lets live apart for now, not divorce yet. I wont be popping round as often, but if you really need me, you can call.
Just dont keep ringing me up, he added. I might already have a new life ahead.
Emma felt another blow. Jamess silence was another kind of pain.
Dont bother the court for maintenance. The paperworks a hassle. Youll only get about £150 a month.
Heres what Ill give you for the next month. After that, Ill send whatever comes in as my salary. Were both adults, we should support ourselves, he said. Ill still pay my share for Tommy. So, dont take it personally.
Emma felt adrift, caught between sky and earth. Nine years of what shed thought was a happy marriage collapsed in an instant. She couldnt even recall any warning signs. Everything had seemed fine.
Why had she decided her life was over? Because, aside from the marriage, nothing else seemed to exist for her. Her independent adult life had basically begun when she finished her degree and they planned a wedding.
James had always been there: driving her to job interviews, helping with paperwork, escorting her to the doctors, even attending the maternity appointments. Hed insisted on a partnered birth, saying, A father should be there for his sons first breath.
When they brought the newborn home, James was the one who carried the baby, offering fresh paint on the walls and new furniture. They didnt have a mortgage; Emma had inherited a flat from a distant aunt, which covered the renovation costs.
James never expected her to do all the housework alone; hed pitch in when asked, and got along famously with both Emmas parents and his own mother and sister. Family gatherings were always around a big table, no one ever held a grudge.
When Tommy grew a bit, Emma returned to work, and Jamess schedule changed, so she started commuting on her own. He gave her his car and paid for her driving lessons. Whenever the car needed a fix, shed ask James to take it to the garage, but hed often refuse, saying some garages treat women unfairly and overcharge. So Emma just handed him the keys and explained the issue.
Emma was never a donothing wife. She handled the household herself, calling James only when she truly needed help. At work shed become respected for her diligence, climbing two rungs up the career ladder in five years. When she had good news, shed run to James, and theyd celebrate together.
Then, without warning, he left. Emma felt lost, eyes constantly searching for his presence. When she couldnt find him, everything seemed to slip through her fingers.
Her parents noticed her slump. Her mother grew anxious, while her father, David, took charge and came over for a chat.
Love, life throws curveballs, he said gently, but thats no reason to give up. Its hard to understand, harder to accept, yet life goes on.
Dad, everythings falling apart, Emma burst into tears. I have no energy, no desire to do anything.
Emma, well always support you, David replied, a reassuring smile on his face. Youre smart, youve always been a good girl. Dont let us down.
His words, spoken kindly, seemed to cut through the fog. Emma went through the next month on autopilot, barely changing anything from Jamess reign. Then something odd happened that lifted her spirits.
If she thought of it as a maths problem, she simply crossed James out of the equation and started solving it anew. Suddenly chores didnt feel endless. She could keep the flat tidy for four to seven days without a deep clean. Laundry became less frequent; the detergent bottle, now in its third month, still hadnt run out.
She realised she didnt need to be in the kitchen three times a day; cooking twice a week was enough, far less than before.
And the money? Even though Jamess contribution vanished, she still received his £150 in child maintenance. By months end, £250 remained in the account.
Did I miss a payment? she wondered, a little alarmed. Did I forget something?
Everything added up, and the house was comfortably funded.
Emma had long wanted new doors in the bedrooms. Now the cash was there, and a local handyman service said they could install them. Two sturdy lads arrived, hauled out the old doors, dumped them in the bin, and fitted the new ones, even sweeping up after themselves.
She imagined James doing it, arguing over the cost, but the lads were quick and cheap.
Just a few pounds for a new lock and a vent in the bathroom, the handyman said, wiping his hands. Well fit a extractor and a switch. Takes half an hour.
Emma laughed, Why not ask James? He said not to bother him.
She thought, Maybe Ill just hire a bloke for an hour.
The handyman arrived, listened, nodded, and after an hour declared the job done. We cleaned the damp, fixed the vent. No mould on the walls, right?
Its always been an issue, Emma waved it off. I just keep the door open!
He suggested the extractor, and she agreed to have it installed the next afternoon.
The plan felt simple, cheap, and efficientjust pay and have it done without any drama. New ideas for improving her life began to sprout.
Tommy was on holiday, so Emma decided to take him to his grandmotherJamess mum, not hers. The relationship with his family remained warm despite Jamess departure. They chatted about nothing in particular; his sister Kate popped in, and they talked about the latest TV shows.
Three days later James burst in, declaring, Im back!
You could demand things when you were my husband, Emma replied coolly. Now just have a coffee and go.
Im not leaving! he shouted. Im still your husband! I came back because I felt sorry for you, so you wouldnt be left alone!
Emma smiled, As you see, Im still here. Youre only a husband on paper now, but Ill sort that out soon.
James stared, baffled, unable to grasp how his noble return was being rejected.
Dont want coffee? Then get on with it, Ive got lessons to do with Tommy, she waved his hand away as if swatting a fly.
The oncefriendly ties with his mother and sister had souredunderstandably, they hadnt expected him to swoop in and save Emma after hed walked away.
So, thats where things stand. Im trying to keep my head above water, rebuild, and maybe, just maybe, find a little peace in the chaos.
Emma.
