**Diary Entry**
Perhaps we could grab a drink at the pub? Just a quick pint and a chat?” Daniel suggested as the workday ended.
“Sorry, I need to head home. Look.” James reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box, opening it.
“You’re really doing it?” Daniel eyed the ring, surprised. “I thought you’d never settle down.” He clapped his friend on the shoulder.
“Emma and I have been together four years nowits time. She doesnt know yet, its a surprise. If I dont ask her now”
“You never will,” Daniel finished for him. “Still having doubts? Come on, Emmas lovely. A bit jealous, honestly.”
“Right, Id better go.” James tucked the box away. “Promised Emma Id be back early,” he said, hurrying toward the lift.
On the drive home, he stopped at a florist for a bouquet of red rosesEmma adored them. He set them on the passenger seat, rehearsing his words at every red light. *”Darling Emma, youve waited so long Emma, I love you, marry me.”* No, none of it sounded right.
Parking outside his building, he grabbed the flowers and headed inside. Just as his hand touched the door handle, his phone rang.
“Jamie, love”
Something in his mums voice told him this wasnt good.
“Whats wrong?”
“Nothing with me. Its Lily Shes gone, love.”
“Christ.” His grip on the door loosened.
It didnt make sense. Lilywho hed known since childhoodgone. *How?*
“A car hit her. Died instantly. The driver fled. Funerals tomorrow. Youll come, wont you? She loved you” His mums voice cracked. “Little Sophies all alone now. Someones got to decide They might take her into care.”
“Ill try to make it,” James promised.
“Please, Jamie” She was weeping.
*Lilys gone.* The words pounded in his head. He hadnt loved her the way he should have, the way shed loved him. She didnt deserve that.
He barely remembered climbing the stairs, only coming to outside his flat. The roses felt awkward in his hands. Where to put them? The news had thrown him. Proposing now felt wrong.
“Special occasion?” Emma asked, stepping into the hall. Only then did he notice the rich scent of dinner filling the flat. Normally, it wouldve made his stomach growl, but now it just felt out of place.
Emma waited, expectant, but he hesitated, as if forgetting what to do with the bouquet.
“Who needs a reason for flowers?” He snapped back to reality, handing them over with a quick kiss on her cheek.
Emma lowered her eyes, disappointment flickering before she disappeared into the kitchen. Soon, the sound of running water reached him.
The roses stood in a vase on the table when he entered. Emma was setting out plates. He wasnt hungry but sat down anywayno point upsetting her further.
“Not eating?”
“Not tonight. Sorry. Mum calledLily died. Funerals tomorrow.”
“Lily?” Emma trailed off, waiting.
“My ex-wife,” he clarified. “I have to go. Theres Sophieour daughter.”
“Wait, you never said you had a *daughter*. How old is she?”
“Twelve, I think.”
“So youre bringing her *here*?”
“I dont know. Lily had no oneher parents died when she was still in school. And Mum Shes got her health problems. Look, I need to pack.”
“Youre really going to the funeral?” Emma sounded skeptical.
“On the night train. Already called work.”
“Youve been divorced for years. She mustve had someone else”
“Emma, *not now*.” He left the car keys on the table. “Use it if you need to.”
“So *this* was the surprise?” She stood abruptly.
“No. Ill explain when Im back.” His fingers tightened around the box in his pocket.
The train ride was sleepless. He lay there, remembering.
***
Theyd known each other since nursery. Same class all through school. Skinny, fair-haired Lily was always poorly, forever wrapped in scarves.
When her parents died in Year 11, her gran lasted three months before passing too. Jamess parents took Lily in.
His dad joked, *”Theres your bride sorted.”* James would scowl, deny it.
Then, just before A-levels, his parents went away for the weekend. He and Lily were alone. He barely recalled how it happenedonly that Lily got pregnant. His parents insisted they marry.
Hed loved her like a sister, a friendnot the grand romance hed imagined. But he married her. Lily barely carried the baby to term. When he first saw Sophie, he felt nothing. The truth hit him: he didnt love Lily. Didnt care for his child. He wasnt ready. He scraped through first year at uni, transferred to London, and left.
His dads words still stung: *”No one in this family abandons their children. You walk out, youre no son of mine.”*
Twelve years passed without a visit. Not even for his dads funeral.
Mum sent photos as Sophie grewmore like Lily with every year. James felt nothing. Hed seen her once, tiny and swaddled, then erased her from his life.
Now, he was going back. No, he wouldnt take Sophie. What kind of father was he? *”No one in this family”* His fathers voice echoed. Funnyhed been the one to push for the divorce, saying Lily deserved better.
A shame they never made peace.
Then came Emma. Impossible not to fall for her. Yet hed delayed proposinguntil now, ring in hand, only to leave for his ex-wifes funeral. As if Lily had the last laugh, wrecking his happiness.
Though, truthfully, there wasnt much left to wreck. The passion had cooled; they stayed together out of habit. He wasnt sure he wanted to marryjust didnt want to lose her.
Exhausted, he finally slept.
Mum hugged him, tearful. Sophie hung back, wary.
“Sophie, love, come say helloits your dad,” Mum urged.
The girl snorted, spun on her heel (her plaits swinging), and vanished into *his* old room.
“Give her time,” Mum said.
The closed casket made it feel unreallike Lily had never existed. Sophie didnt cry, just glared. James tried talking to her, but she ignored him.
Once, he overheard her with Mum:
“Nan, youre too old to keep me. Ill just go into care.”
“Dont be daft! Not with your dad right here!”
“Where was he *before*? Im not going with him.”
A door slammed.
Yet, somehow, she boarded the train to London.
“Nan told you, didnt she?” Sophie asked. “About your girlfriend?”
“Yeah. Ive got a ring, actually. Youll like her.” He wasnt sure himself.
The flat was emptyno Emma, no trace of her. Just her keys on the sideboard.
“Your rooms there. Make yourself at home,” he said, retreating to the loo. Emma didnt answer his calls. Probably blocked him.
When he came out, Sophie was making tea and sandwiches. He was gratefulno tantrums, no gloating, no questions.
Next day, they enrolled her in the local school, then hit the shops for clothes. Conversation was sparse, but the next morning, she made eggs.
“Nan teach you to cook?”
“Mum did.”
“Good job,” he said.
That was it.
He showed her Londoncinema, rollerblading in Hyde Park. Slowly, the ice thawed.
Then work sent him to China for a week. Refusing wouldve killed his career. But Sophie?
“Im not a baby,” she said.
“Yeah, but its *London*. Ill sort something.”
“Why not ask Lucy? Shes mad about you,” his mate Tom suggested.
James had noticed the junior colleague blushing around him.
Tom was right. Lucy jumped at the chance. She and Sophie hit it off instantlylaughter ringing through the flat.
He left for China lighter-hearted. Having a daughter still unnerved him. Hed gotten used to solitude. Emma didnt countthat was different. But he hadnt expected to *miss* Sophie. He called daily. Sophie would pass the phone to Lucy after a few words. She hadnt forgiven him yet.
Returning, he spotted them from the taxistanding by the building, looking like sisters. His heart leapt. No one had ever waited for him like that.
Sophie approached as he stepped out. He hugged her awkwardly; she didnt pull away. Lucy lingered, smiling. He wanted to hug her too.
“Come on, lets go up. Got presents,” he said.
Handing over the gifts, he enjoyed their delight more than they did.
“Anything to eat?” he asked.
“Of course!” Lucy dashed to the kitchen, Sophie close behind. The clatter of dishes followed.
*Theyve bonded*, he thought.
Dinner was livelyquestions about China, laughter. It felt right.
As Lucy prepared to leave, Sophie drawled, *”Daaaad”* nodding toward the hall.
Had she really called him that?
James followed. “Lucy, its latestay. Ive got more stories.”
Sophie grabbed Lucys hand, tugging her toward her room.
That night, sleep eluded him. So much had changed. Sophie had warmedthanks to Lucy. She was easy company. Emma wouldnt have meshed with Sophie like this.
If someone had told him two months ago hed be living with his daughter, hed have laughed. And Lucy He liked knowing she was just beyond the wall. Too soon to say, but why not try? She fancied him. And him? He searched his feelings. It was nice. Maybe that was love.
