You know, my nan, Doris, didnt become a grandmother until she was 44, and the moment she did she sort of slipped straight into the role the world expects. She never started sauntering around in a floral headscarf with a cane she always kept herself tidy and dignified, even into her later years. I remember one afternoon we stitched a bright red dress for a doll together. I was thrilled and asked her if shed ever want a dress like that herself. She laughed and said, Oh, love, Im a grandma now That Im a grandma line stuck with me; as soon as the first grandkid arrived, she fell neatly into the little box society had drawn for her, and spent the rest of her life there, just like almost every woman I know in our circle.
These days I keep hearing the 40plus crowd sigh, Weve had it tough, what with all the changes around us. Yet its that very generation thats smashed the old agerules. Imagine for a second calling a woman in her early forties a grandmother. Shes not even a woman yet in the way we think of it; shes still a pretty young lady. Sure, shes not a spring chicken, but shes still a girl at heart, because her mindset is tuned to youth, not the other way around.
I once tried something out and my ears cleared up after four days the doctor told me to keep at it! In todays world you can only guess a womans age, and sometimes you cant even work it out without looking at the extra clues. Im a regular at this tiny café in a little village near Bath. The barista, Lucy, already knows my coffee order, and we always banter a bit. Shes petite, graceful, the sort of girl who looks like she just finished university. The other day I popped in and saw a massive bloke, two metres tall, broadshouldered, leaning over the counter. I wondered if he could be her boyfriend shes practically a Dandelion for him, right? He tucked his arm around her and gave her a quick kiss. It was unmistakable. Then, in a deep voice, she asked, Mum, could you spot me a couple of hundred pounds? Honestly, if someone had told me that was her sons daughter, Id have been less shocked.
Whats brilliant about modern women is that they get to pick whatever look and age feels right for them. One day they might sport braids and a tiny tattoo down the bikini line, the next day theyre slipping on Louboutins and a dress with a daring plunge, or they could be in trainers and ripped jeans, or a lemonyellow blouse with a narrow skirt and a summer hat whatever the season calls for. And yes, those red dresses can be mini, with a cheeky zip running the length of the back, and nobody will raise an eyebrow or roll their eyes. If anyone does, shell simply shrug it off.
Theres an old saying: If youth only knew, if age only could Its basically dead now. The middleaged crowd has bleached it out like a stain on a white tablecloth. We all know a lot, and were still able to do things. This odd generation never really lands on one shore the old guard pushes them away, the youngsters watch them warily. So the ship just drifts on, thrilled by its own adventures.
And heres the biggest thing Ive realized lately, and Im keen to share it with you: age doesnt put a ceiling on possibilities; it actually widens them. We dont need to search for ourselves any more; weve already found who we are, and now were polishing our craft or trying new tricks in the things that bring us joy. Were not trying to be friends with everyone; instead we keep close those who beat in sync with our own heart. We can afford the luxury of pleasant company, not just the necessity of chatter like we used to. In love and intimacy we aim for quality, knowing that quantity cant replace it, and we can give youth a solid hundred points in our own way.
Weve stopped trying to rush kids into adulthood because weve seen how fast (or slow) that can be. We savour their childhood, pouring in what we missed out on. Weve learned money cant buy happiness, health, or loyalty, and that the road to our goal often matters more than the goal itself. If you cant enjoy the journey, the destination wont thrill you either. Weve made all the mistakes, learned from them, felt how quickly time flies. The picture of life is already sketched; nows the moment to add the tiny details and graceful strokes that turn a painter into a master and a canvas into a masterpiece.
When you finally get all that, you realise this very instant is when your possibilities are truly limitless. You can learn to dance, sing, play the harp, study a new language, go scuba diving, take horseriding lessons, ski or rollerblade. You could blow glass, drive a car, paint Christmas baubles, paddle a kayak, piece together a mosaic, keep bees, paint a playground, throw pots on the wheel, do beadwork or crossstitch, bake delicious cupcakes, ferment cabbage for coleslaw, or make homemade noodles. You could travel and see with your own eyes what youve only ever heard about. You could get a dog named Baxter or adopt a third cat called Willow, shoot your own short film, step onto a stage, move out to the countryside, or finally start that hobby youve been postponing because of time. You could lose yourself in a new romance, or have another baby. Or you could simply wander the parks footpaths alone, letting the hush wrap around you, sipping a warm mug of chocolate coffee or lemonmint tea as the mist rolls in, savoring every sip of the drink, the autumn, the life itself.
The point is, we now understand that time isnt endless, so we cherish these boundlessopportunity years all the more.
