Mate, can you believe Dad actually said he wants to come back? Mary Whitaker asked, a note of confusion in her voice as she tried to explain the situation to her son. Weve been strangers for almost fifteen years now, ever since the divorce.
James, trying to find the right words, replied, I get it, we all make mistakes when were younger, but theres nothing left to split now.
Its not just us, Lily added, eyes wide. You and James are grown, you have your own families, you decide who to keep in touch with. So why am I even in the middle of this?
James shrugged. Dad figured you wouldnt want to hear him, so he asked us to put in a word for him. He glanced at Lily. It would be easier for us if we knew you two were still living together and looking out for each other.
Before Mary could gather her thoughts, her phone rang. It was Lily, launching straight into the same painful subject.
Mum, you have to understand, its our dad. Hes not well at the moment, Lily pleaded.
Mary tried to stay calm. When he was young and full of energy he never even thought about me. Now it seems everythings changed overnight. Maybe youve forgotten he abandoned us for another woman years ago!
Daisy, a family friend, chimed in, But theyve been apart for ages. It would be nice for you both to live together now that youre getting older.
The conversation left Mary feeling heavy. Shed given everything to the marriage, never tried to rebuild a life after the split because she was scared of hurting the kidsboth of whom had struggled with the breakup that happened right as they were hitting their teens. Now it seemed they were speaking completely different languages, barely hearing each other. A memory of the day Alan left flashed through her mind, making it worse.
I dont love you anymore, Alan had said back then, eyes downcast. Ive found someone else, and I want to spend the rest of my days with her.
What about the kids? Mary had asked, voice shaking.
Youll keep living as before, just without me. The flat is yours. Ill see the children when I can and help with money, but I dont love you any longer.
And you ever thought about how theyd take your departure at this age? Mary couldnt swallow her disbelief.
Itll be fine. Theyll learn the ropes of adult life. Its not right to live without love, sorry, hed said, closing the conversation.
Alan kept his word. He never claimed the house after the divorce and stayed with his new partner. He met the kids on neutral ground because he didnt have the nerve to step into the flat, and his new wife never invited them over. Mary tried once to explain the reasons for the split to James and Lily, but they didnt want the details.
Dad told us it was his decision and asked us to respect it, James said later, now a man. Its tough for us, but eventually itll settle down.
For Mary, nothing seemed to settle. She missed Alan, wept into her pillow at night, and turned down any suggestion from friends to set her up with someone new. The only reminder of him came when he phoned once, voice casual.
Were planning a holiday, and I left the fishing gear on the loft, he said. Can I pick them up on Saturday? I wanted the kids to bring them, but they didnt know where they were.
Alright, come by, Mary answered, trying to keep her tone steady.
She spent the week counting down to Saturday, rehearsing the conversation. She wanted to show Alan she could manage fine without him, maybe even meet him at the parade of his new life, but then thought it would look ridiculous and backed off.
Youve lost weight, she remarked one afternoon as Alan packed his boxes. Is your new wife not feeding you?
He eats, I just work a lot, he muttered, not wanting to talk about his new life.
If you need, I can cook for you or send her my favourite recipes, Mary said, halfjoking, halfserious.
Its not your place to be cheeky, Alan snapped, tired. Were strangers now. Well always have the kids, maybe grandchildren, and thats it.
You sure about that? she asked, hopeful.
Yes, he answered firmly.
He left for his new wifes house, and Mary sat alone in the kitchen, tears spilling over for herself. The year after the divorce had seen her lose a lot of weight; she tried to pull herself together, putting on a brave face while secretly hoping Alan would realise his mistake and return. She knew people would judge her, but she was ready to take him back and forget the past entirely.
Three years later, the kids told Mary, Dad and his woman split up. Hes moved into a room in a student hall.
That news, absurd as it sounded, sparked a tiny flicker of hope. Mary started dressing more sharply, looked after herself, and waited for any sign from Alan. Her friends thought she was living a fantasy, but they didnt press for details, letting her brush it off with jokes. She waited, but Alan never came back; instead he got together with another woman. He even attended his sons wedding, but showed up alone when it came to Lilys.
Why was he alone? Mary asked.
Irina was on a business trip, she sent her regards, he replied calmly.
Eventually Mary looked at things differently. She stopped waiting, threw herself into work, bought a small cottage out in the countryside, and filled her free time with friends, family, flowers, and even a rescued stray cat she brought home. Life settled into a softer rhythm, until one afternoon she spotted Alan in the hallway, just back from his shift.
Honestly, I figured we should leave the bad stuff behind, he said, nursing a mug of tea in the kitchen. Most of my life is behind me now, the negatives have just piled up. No point dwelling on them. Lets finish the rest of our days together and raise grandkids.
Tell me straight, why did you choose to come back to this flat instead of staying with any of your other partners? Mary asked, no longer pretending to be delighted.
My health isnt what it used to be, Im retiring next year, Alan answered. I thought, with our kids still doing well, theyd keep us in mind, even if its just a glass of water in old age.
You remember you once called us strangers? Mary said, meeting his eyes. I only understood that later, and now I agree completely.
So, you wont take me back? he asked.
You dont worry. You said the kids are good and they wont abandon you. Mary replied. You crossed me out of your life years ago; let it stay that way.
Alan left again, and Mary settled back into her favourite armchair, switched off her phone, knowing hed soon call the children and they’d start bombarding her with questions. All she wanted now was silence and peace. Shed waited for his return for so long that it finally burned out. If hed ever said he wanted to grow old beside her, maybe shed have taken him back. But now he cared only about his own comfort, and no one was left to console Mary. She still had her children, her friends, her cottage, and her cat and that felt more than enough.
