Do you mean he actually wants to come back? Mary could not grasp her sons question. We have been strangers for almost fifteen years since the divorce.
Its true, Alex confessed, searching for the right words. I understand that in youth many make mistakes, but now theres nothing left to share.
The woman, bewildered, replied, There is nothing we have in common any more, except you. She went on, You and Beverly are grown, each with your own family, and you choose whom to keep in touch with. What does that leave me for?
Its simply that Father sensed you would not listen to him, so he asked Beverly and me to pass a word along, Alex tried to justify. It would be easier for us if we knew you lived together and supported each other.
Mary was still gathering her thoughts when her daughter called, reopening the painful subject.
Mum, you have to understand, its our father now; hes ill, the girl pleaded.
While he was young and vigorous, he never thought of my existence. Now everything seems to have changed, Mary said, fighting the urge to become angry. Perhaps you have forgotten that he abandoned me and you both many years ago for another woman.
But they have been apart for a long time, and it would be nice for you two to live together now that youre older, Beverly pressed, trying to keep her stance.
The conversation left Mary heavyhearted. After the divorce she had given everything to the family, never daring to rebuild her own life for fear of hurting them, as both children had struggled with the loss of their parents during their teenage years. Now it seemed they spoke different languages, barely hearing one another. A memory resurfaced of the day Anthony left, making the wound sharper.
I dont love you any more, he had said then, averting his eyes. Ive met another woman and intend to spend the rest of my days with her.
What about the children? Mary had asked, her voice trembling.
Youll live as before, just without me, he replied. The house is yours. Ill see the children when I can and help with money, but my love is gone.
Did you think how they would take your departure at this age? Mary could not believe what she heard.
Theyll manage. Theyll learn the details of adult life. Its wrong to live without love, forgive me, he said, closing the conversation.
Anthony kept his word: he took no claim to the house at the divorce, stayed with his new partner, and met the children only on neutral ground, too shy to step into the family home, while his new wife never invited them over. Mary once tried to explain the reasons for the split to her son and daughter, but they refused to delve into details.
Our father said it was his decision and asked us to respect it, Alex said as a grown man years later. Its hard with Beverly, but eventually it will settle.
For Mary nothing settled. She missed her husband, wept into her pillow at night, and turned down friends attempts to set her up with another man. He remained a presence only when he phoned the children.
Were planning a holiday, and I left the fishing gear on the mantelpiece before I went, Anthony said on the phone one day. Can I pick it up on Saturday? I wanted the children to bring it, but they didnt understand where it was.
Fine, come by, Mary answered calmly, then spent the week anticipating that Saturday, rehearsing every detail. She decided to show her ex that she could thrive without him, even planning to meet him in full regalia. She later thought it would look foolish and changed her mind.
Youve lost weight, she remarked as she watched Anthony pack his boxes. Is the new wife not feeding you?
She does, I just work a lot, he muttered, refusing to discuss his new life.
If you need, I can cook for you or send her my favourite recipes, Mary offered, aware of her own silliness but unable to stop.
Your sarcasm doesnt suit you, Anthony said, weary. We are strangers now. Well always share children, later grandchildren, and thats all.
Are you certain? Mary asked, hope trembling in her voice.
Yes, he answered firmly.
He then left for his new wife, and Mary sat alone in the kitchen, tears of selfpity flowing. In the year after the divorce she had lost a great deal of weight, then forced herself to pull together. It was difficult; she pretended cheerfulness while secretly hoping Anthony would return, ready to forgive and forget the past.
Father and his woman split, the children told Mary three years later. Hes moved into a flat in a hostel.
That news, oddly, sparked a flicker of hope that Anthony might come back. Mary began dressing fashionably, caring for her appearance, waiting for his first move. Friends thought she had arranged her private life, but they left the details aside, deflecting with jokes. She waited, and Anthony never returned, eventually pairing with another woman. He even attended his sons wedding, but showed up alone to Beverlys party.
Why alone? Mary asked.
Irina was on a business trip, couldnt come, but she sent her wishes, he replied calmly.
With time Mary saw the situation differently, stopped waiting, and found solace in work, buying a cottage out of town, spending spare moments on herself. The children had their own lives; she filled hers with friends, relatives, flowers, even a stray cat she brought home. Life settled into a quiet rhythm until a sudden conversation with the children unsettled her again. For a few days she was unsure how to act, until she saw Anthony returning from work at the foot of her block.
I thought we should leave the bad things behind, he said, sitting at her kitchen table with a cup of tea. Most of life is now behind us; the negativity has grown like a weed, not worth recalling. Lets spend the rest of our days together and raise grandchildren.
Tell me honestly, why come back to our flat and not stay with any of your other partners? Mary asked, no longer pretending to be joyful.
My health isnt what it used to be; Im retiring next year, he admitted. Our children are good, they wont abandon us, even in old age theyll bring a glass of water.
You remember calling us strangers? Mary said, looking into the eyes of the man she once loved. I understood it much later, and now I agree completely.
So you wont take me back? he asked.
You neednt worry, you always said the children were good; theyll never leave you, Mary replied. You crossed me out of your life years ago; let it stay that way.
Anthony left again, and Mary remained in her favourite armchair, turning off her phone, knowing he would soon call the children, who would start questioning and persuading. All she wanted then was silence and peace. She had waited so long for his return that the hope finally burned out. Had he spoken of growing old together, perhaps she would have taken him back. Instead, he cared only for his own comfort, and no one seemed eager to console Mary. She still had her children, friends, cottage, and cat, and that now felt more than enough.
