When Emily brought little Alfie home from nursery, her husband James immediately sensed something was off. It was plain as day that his wife was in a peculiar state of agitation.
“Something happen, love?” James asked, his concern growing.
“Oh, it has, James, it has,” she replied, grabbing his arm and pulling him into the next roomaway from their sons ears. “They’re threatening to kick Alfie out of nursery.”
“What?” Jamess face fell. “How can that be? We pay the fees on time!”
“I dont know if its allowed or not, but the headmistress told mein plain Englishthat if we dont get him under control, hell be out like a shot.”
“She said it like that?”
“Word for word. Quietly, just between us, but crystal clear. And she mentioned other parents are planning a joint complaintto the authorities.”
“Youre joking!” James stared at his wife, baffled. Their sweet, cheerful boy couldnt possibly be causing trouble. “Why would they do that?”
“Because Alfies been hitting the other children.”
“Our Alfie?” James nearly laughed but caught himself. “That little scrap of a lad? Beating up his classmates?”
“Yes! Thumping them left and right, according to the headmistress!”
“Even the girls?”
“I didnt ask!” Emily snapped, nerves frayed. “The moment I heard, I was in shock. I grabbed Alfie and raced home. If they expel him, James, what do we do? Where do we send him? Id have to quit my jobor you would. And how would we keep up with the mortgage? Im losing my mind!”
“Steady on, dont faint on me yet,” James said, thinking hard. “First, we need to understand whats got into him.”
“I asked him on the way home, but he wont admit a thing. Just clams up and puffs his cheeks out.”
“You asked. Now Ill have a go.”
When James stepped into Alfies room, the boy was happily playing with his toy cars as if nothing was amiss.
“Right, Alfie, we need a serious talk,” James said firmly.
“Mm-hmm,” Alfie muttered absently, not looking up. “Go on, Dad.”
“First, stop playing,” James said, even sterner.
“James, speak to him gently!” Emily called from behind.
“Yeah, Dad, speak gently,” Alfie parroted cheekily, still rolling his car.
“Tell me and Mumwhy are you hitting the other kids at nursery?”
Alfie froze, the car in his hand, eyes fixed on the floor.
“Youre not hitting the girls too, are you?”
“No, not the girls,” Alfie mumbled. “No reason to hit them.”
“So the boys, thenthey deserve it?”
“Course they do…”
“And what for, if its not a secret?”
Alfie scowled first at his father, then his mother.
“What if it is a secret?”
The look in his sons eyes made James falter for a second, but he quickly collected himself.
“Listen, Alfieare you my son or not?”
“Well, yeah.”
“If youre my son, we dont keep secrets from each other.”
“From you, fine,” Alfie grumbled. “But Mum…”
“What?” Emily gasped. “Youve got secrets from me?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Why?”
“Coz theyre man stuff…”
“Oh, man stuff!” James winked at his wife. “Sorry, love, but if its proper bloke business, best leave us to it.”
“Fine,” Emily huffed, stomping out.
“And no eavesdropping!” James called after her. Then, lowering his voice conspiratorially, he turned back to Alfie. “Go on, then. Whyre you thumping those boys?”
Alfie sighed heavily, turning away before confessing in a small voice:
“They cuddle up to her.”
“Who does?”
“The boys…”
“Who are they cuddling?”
“Miss Thompson.”
“Whos that?” James blinked.
“Our nursery assistant. She pats their heads, and they hug her tight. Really tight.”
“And?”
“I dont like it.”
Jamess eyes gleamed with sudden understanding.
“Why not?”
“Coz only I should hug her.”
“Hows that?”
“Dad…” Alfie looked up, wounded. “You dont get it? Youre the only one who hugs Mum! Well, and me. But Im her son. Other blokes dont hug her!”
“But Mums my wife,” James said, fighting a smile.
“Miss Thompsons gonna be my wife,” Alfie whispered. “When Im big. See? Im marrying her…”
“Ohhh, I get it now.” James bit back a laugh. “So youve gone and fallen for her, eh?”
“Mm-hmm.” Alfie hung his head miserably.
“And youre jealous…”
“But youre jealous of Mum too,” Alfie muttered defensively.
“Me?”
“Yeah. You and Mum argue about it loads.”
“Blimey, son…” James rubbed his forehead. “So the family curse has got you too. You wont believe it, but my grandad was the same, and my dad. All us blokes suffer with it…”
“Suffer?” Alfie frowned.
“You think its easy? Jealousys a rotten thing. So what do we do? If you keep walloping those poor lads, youll get the boot from nursery.”
“So what? I wont let anyone touch her!”
“But if youre kicked out, youll never see her again. They wont let you back in.”
“Never?” Alfies voice wavered.
“Fraid not. Look, Alfie, I get itbut you cant go hitting lads. And usually, the lady gets to choose who she hugs.”
“But she doesnt! She hugs everyone, and I hate it!”
“Its her job, son. Shes supposed to hug every kid a few times a day. Understand?”
“Supposed to?”
“Exactly! Does she hug you?”
“Yeah.”
“There you go. She has to hug the others too. If she stops, she could get sackedthen youd never see her. So youve got to put up with it.”
“Really? She only does it coz she has to?” Alfie eyed him suspiciously.
“Swear on my life.”
“Alright then,” Alfie sighed, half-smiling. “She can hug em. Does she have to kiss em too?”
“Afraid so,” James nodded quickly.
“Blimey…” Alfie shook his head. “What a daft job. Well, maybe Ill think twice before marrying her then.”
From the next day on, no more complaints came from the headmistress.
