I still recall the day my father, eyes like cold steel, warned me, As long as Im breathing, that woman will never cross this threshold. He said it the moment he saw my fiancée.
Dont raise your voice at me! I am your mother! she shouted.
And you, dont meddle in my affairs! Im thirty, Mother! I snapped back.
I stood in the kitchen, my cheeks flushed with anger. Margaret, my mother, sat at the table, dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief. Michael, my father, watched the rain through the window, silent.
Im not meddling, my mother sobbed, I just want to understand. Why wont you tell us anything? Were your parents!
Because youll always be against me, as you always have! I retorted.
We only want whats best for you, son.
You want me to live the life youve chosen! Im tired of it! I shouted, grabbing my coat and slamming the door behind me. I descended the stairwell and stepped out into the biting October wind. The cold bite felt oddly refreshing after the stifling flat.
I walked straight ahead, no detours, when my pocket buzzed. I pulled out the phone it was Eleanor.
Hello, sunshine, she sang.
Hi. Hows it going? Did you manage to
I sighed.
Not yet. Mum started on my job again, saying I earn too little, that I shouldve gone to university. We argued.
Stephen, you promised today youd tell them about us.
I know. Ill say it tomorrow, I promise.
Youve been saying that all week.
Eleanor, you must understand. Theyre critical. Mum will immediately start probingwho you are, where youre from, what you do. And Father will just stare, saying nothing.
Im not scared of their stares, Eleanors voice trembled with hurt, Im scared youre ashamed of me.
What? Eleanor, how could you
What am I supposed to think? Weve been together half a year and you havent mentioned me to your parents.
I will. Tomorrow, I swear.
We said goodbye, I slipped the phone back into my pocket, and continued on. Eleanor was right; I was buying time, fearing my parents reaction, especially my fathers.
My father was a retired army officerstern, laconic, his hard stare making anyone uneasy. Mother could be reasoned with, but Father never. He gave his verdict and that was final.
That night I returned home late; they were already asleep. I slipped into my room, stripped, and lay down. Sleep eluded me; I turned and tossed, thoughts whirring.
At dawn I rose early, ate breakfast in silence. Father read the paper, Mother stirred something on the stove.
Dad, Mum, I need to tell you something, I began.
Father looked up, Mother turned.
Im seeing a girl. A serious relationship. I want you to meet her.
Mother clapped her hands in surprise.
Finally! Stephen, I thought youd never settle down!
Whats her name? Father asked.
Eleanor. Shes twentyseven, works in a clothing shop. Good, kind-hearted.
Wheres she from? Father pressed.
From our town, lives on Harper Lane with her mother.
Her surname?
Why do you need it, Michael Whitaker? Mother interrupted, smiling. Stephen says shes a good girl.
I asked for it, Father insisted.
I hesitated.
Sparrow. Eleanor Sparrow.
Fathers face went ashen, the paper slipped from his fingers, his complexion turned as white as chalk.
What? he breathed.
Sparrow, I repeated, bewildered. Dad, whats
He rose slowly, each movement a struggle, and looked at me with a pain that made my skin crawl.
Whats her mothers name? I asked, trying to keep the conversation going.
Tess Nolan, he replied. Why?
He walked to the window, turned his back on us.
Mick, whats happened? Mother asked, moving toward him. Do you know this girl?
Not the girl. Her mother.
Silence hung heavy. I stared at my father, clueless.
Bring her in, he said, without turning. Sunday. By noon.
I wanted to ask what was wrong, but he was already out of the kitchen, the bedroom door slamming shut behind him.
Mother, what was that? I whispered.
She stood pale, bewildered.
I dont know, son. I truly dont.
I called Eleanor, explained my fathers strange reaction. She listened, quiet.
Perhaps he knew my mother? she guessed.
Seems so. But Mum says she knows nothing.
Alright, well sort it out on Sunday.
Sunday arrived quickly, nerves buzzing like before an exam. Eleanor turned up precisely at two, in a blue dress, hair neatly pinned, graceful and composed.
Dont worry, she said, squeezing my hand. Everything will be fine.
We ascended to the fourth floor. I unlocked the door with my key. Margaret greeted us in the hallway, bustling and excited.
Hello, Ellie! Come in, come in!
Hello, Eleanor offered a bouquet. For you.
Oh, how lovely! Thank you, dear!
We moved to the sittingroom where Michael sat rigid in his armchair, staring at a point on the wall. He lifted his head when he heard our steps and saw Eleanor.
His face twisted.
As long as Im breathing, that woman will never set foot in this house, he declared, rising slowly.
Margaret gasped. I froze. Eleanors complexion drained.
Dad, what are you saying? I stepped forward.
She will not enter this home. Never.
Michael! Margaret grabbed his hand. What are you talking about? Shes my sons fiancée!
I dont care! The Sparrows will not appear in my house!
Eleanor stood rigid, tears glistening, but she held herself together.
Why? she whispered. What have I done?
Its not you. Its your mother.
Your mother? Do you know her?
I know her well, he growled, fists clenched. And it would be better if you didnt.
Explain! I shouted. Whats happening?
He looked at me.
Your mother broke my brothers family. Because of her he turned to drink. He died at forty. Understand? Hes dead!
Eleanor swayed, I caught her and set her on the sofa.
Sit, breathe, I urged.
I dont understand, she murmured. My mother never
Your mother kept many secrets, he snarled. She ran off with a married man. That mans wife was pregnant. They divorced, my brother Colin started drinking. She left him after six months and found another.
Thats not true, Eleanor protested. My mother isnt like that!
It is! I saw it with my own eyes. My younger brother, Colin, I raised almost as my own. She ruined him!
Enough! I intervened, standing between father and Eleanor. Even if its true, what does it have to do with Eleanor? She is not responsible for her mothers deeds!
The apple doesnt fall far from the tree, he retorted.
Youre serious? I could not believe my ears. You judge a person by their parents?
I know what Im saying.
No, you dont! Eleanor is wonderfulkind, honest, hardworking. I love her and intend to marry her!
Fathers face paled even more.
If you marry her, youll never set foot in this house again.
Mick! Mother wailed. What are you doing?
Ive made my decision. Theres no place for the Sparrows here.
Eleanor gathered her bag.
Lets go, Stephen. No point staying.
Elli
Please, lets leave.
We walked out of the flat, down the stairs in silence. Only once we reached the street did Eleanor break down, sobbing. I held her, rubbing her back, unsure of words.
Forgive him, I whispered. He doesnt understand what hes saying.
Hes right, she hiccuped. My mother did she had affairs. She told me she was young and foolish, but I never imagined this.
Dont dwell on it. Its past, not yours, not even ours.
Should we stay together then? If your father is so opposed
Eleanor, look at me, I said, cupping her face. I love you. I want to be with you. The past of our parents matters not to me.
What about your family?
My father will calm down, or he wont. Thats his problem, not ours.
We went to Eleanors home. Her mother answered the door, surprised.
Back so early! Is something wrong?
Eleanor recounted everything. Her mother listened, growing pale. When Eleanor finished, she sank onto a sofa, covering her face.
Oh God, I never thought so many years have passed, she whispered.
Mum, is it true? About that man?
Tess nodded.
Its true. I was twentytwo, working as a waitress. He visited daily, handsome, attentive, saying he loved me. I fell for him, then learned he was married and his wife was pregnant.
You didnt leave? Eleanor asked softly.
No. I thought love justified everything. He left his wife for me, then I realised Id been wrong. He started drinking, fighting. I got scared, left for my parents village. There I learned I was pregnant with his child.
And him?
I never saw him again.
He died, I said. My father says his brother drank himself to death.
Tess closed her eyes.
Lord, Colin died
We sat in silence, the clock ticking.
What now? Eleanor asked.
Live on, her mother replied, eyes opening. We cant change the past, but youre not guilty for my mistakes.
My father thinks otherwise, I said bitterly.
Ill speak to him myself, Tess declared. Its about time.
The following week I avoided my parents. My mother called daily, crying, begging me to return. I refused. My father was stubborn, and I could be just as obstinate.
Weeks slipped by. Mothers pleas grew more urgent.
Stephen, Father cant sleep, hes not eating. Please come and talk.
Let him apologise to Eleanor.
You know himhe never apologises.
Then theres nothing to discuss.
One evening, while I was with Eleanor, the doorbell rang. Tess opened it; at the threshold stood my father.
We stared at each other, mute. He removed his hat.
Hello, Tess, he said.
Hello, Mick, she replied.
May I come in?
She stepped aside. He entered, saw me and Eleanor on the sofa.
Dad? I rose.
Sit. Im here to talk, he said, taking a chair. The room fell quiet.
Thirty years ago, he began, my brother Colin fell hopelessly in love with a girl named Tess. She worked in a café. He visited her as if it were his office. I warned him: his wife was pregnant. He ignored me.
Tess lowered her head.
He left his wife. I never forgave him. We fell out, and he began drinking more and more. Tess left him. He lost his footing and died of liver cirrhosis at forty.
He paused, gathering his thoughts.
I blamed Tess. I thought she caused everything. I hated her. Now I realise it was Colins own choices. He was an adult, he chose his path. It wasnt Tess who forced him to abandon his wife, nor did she make him drink.
But I took her as my sisterinlaw knowing she was married, Tess whispered. I am guilty too.
You are, he admitted. But your guilt lies with his wife, not with me. I judged you unfairly, and I judged your daughter for nothing.
He turned to Eleanor.
Forgive me, girl. I was wrong. Youre good, I can see that. Stephen would never fall for a bad sort.
Eleanor stayed silent, tears tracing her cheeks, but she did not wipe them.
Im not asking for instant forgiveness, he continued. I understand I hurt you. I ask only for a chance, to start anew.
I hold no ill will, Eleanor said, wiping her eyes. Honestly.
Youre a smart girl, he replied, standing. Tess, forgive me too. Ive harboured this grudge for years; I should have let it go long ago.
Tess embraced him.
I forgive you, Mick. Ive long forgiven you. I just cant forgive myself yet.
Forgive yourself. Were all human, we all err.
We stood, embracing, two weary souls with heavy histories. I watched my father, and suddenly understood: true strength lies in admitting fault and seeking reconciliation.
Lets go home, son, he said. Mothers waiting. And you, Eleanor, come along. Lunch is probably cooling by now.
It isnt, Eleanor smiled. Your mother must have stuck it in the oven so it wouldnt get cold.
He chuckled.
Exactly. Shes clever. Stephens lucky indeed.
We all returned to my parents house together. Mother burst into tears of joy, hugging each of us in turn, laughing through her sobs. At dinner we talked of everything and nothingmy job, future plans, the upcoming wedding. Eleanor spoke of her shop, my mother asked eager questions.
Father spoke little, but when he did, he addressed Eleanor with respect, asking her opinion and nodding.
When we left, Eleanor clasped Michael Whitakers hand.
Thank you for giving us a chance, she said.
Its you who should thank me for forgiving an old stubborn fool, he replied.
Its not foolishness. Its love for a brother, he added, turning away. I saw his shoulders loosen for the first time; I saw his eyes glisten with unshed tears.
Outside, Eleanor took my hand.
Your father is a good man, she said.
I know. He can be overly proper, set in his ways.
But he can own up to his mistakes. Thats priceless.
We walked through the twilightdrenched streets, fingers intertwined, the promise of wedding, life together, perhaps children ahead. The past remained where it belongedbehind us.
The wedding took place three months later, modest, in a café for thirty guestsfamily from both sides, friends, colleagues. Michael Whitaker gave a toast about forgiveness, about how life is too short for grudges, about love that outlasts everything.
Tess cried, my mother wept, all the women at the table were in tears.
I looked at Eleanor, my wife, and thought how grateful I was that I had not heeded my father then, that I had stood my ground. Sometimes one must swim against the current to find true happiness.
And that happiness is worth any struggle.
