**Diary Entry**
*We werent expecting you.* My sisters voice was cold as she shut the door in my face.
*Mum died three days ago, and youre only just coming home now!* The line crackled with barely contained fury.
I wedged the phone between my ear and shoulder, struggling with my heavy bag and the car keys. Rain pounded the station awning, drumming a relentless rhythm.
*Emma, I explainedI was on assignment in the Highlands. No signal. The second I found out, I flew straight here.*
*Work was more important than Mum?*
*Dont start. Im on my way. Be there in an hour.*
She hung up. I sat in the rental car, motionless, staring at the citys rain-blurred lights. My hometownleft behind fifteen years ago. Back then, I was twenty-five, ambitious, certain London was where I belonged. Mum cried. Dad stayed silent. And Emmamy little sistercalled me a traitor.
The drive took longer than expected. The city had changednew estates, shopping centres, roundabouts. But the old centre was just as I remembered. There was the bakery where we bought warm Chelsea buns. The school, its paint still peeling. And our streetquiet, with prim front gardens and benches by the doors.
Our parents house stood at the end of a cul-de-sac. A two-storey with an attic, once white, now grey with age. Light spilled from the windows, shadows moving behind the curtains. I parked by the gate, hauled my bag out, and took a deep breath.
The gate was unlocked. Tables draped in white cloths sat under the awningthe wake. A handful of people smoked by the porch, murmuring. They fell silent when they saw me.
*Hello,* I said.
No one answered. Aunt Rose, Mums closest friend, turned away. Uncle Mike, our neighbour, shook his head. I walked past them, climbed the steps, and tugged the door.
Locked.
I rang the bell. Footsteps, the click of the latch. Emma appearedolder now, bitterness etched in the lines around her mouth, dressed in black.
*We werent expecting you,* she said, and shut the door.
I stood there, stunned. Whispers rose behind me. I rang again. Silence. Then I knocked.
*Emma! Open the door! This is ridiculous!*
It opened a crack, the chain still on.
*Leave,* she said. *You dont belong here.*
*I came to say goodbye to Mum!*
*Too late. Buried her yesterday.*
*You said she died three days ago!*
*And? Thought youd make it in time? Fifteen years, and now you suddenly care?*
*Emma, let me in. Lets talk properly.*
*Properly? Like when Dad died? You couldnt even be bothered then!*
*I was in Kenya! On a research trip! No signal!*
*Always an excuse. Kenya, Antarctica, fieldwork. But Mum and I were here. She was ill for three years, Sarah. Three years! Where were you?*
I had no answer. I knew Mum was sick. Sent money for treatment. But visiting? There was always somethingwork, projects, deadlines.
*I sent money.*
*Money?* She laughed bitterly. *She didnt want your cheques. She wanted you. Her daughter. But you chose your career.*
*Thats not fair.*
*Whats not fair? That I quit my job to look after her? That my husband left because I was at the hospital more than home? That my son barely knows me because I was always with Nan?*
The door slammed. I sat on the garden bench. The rain had stopped, but droplets still fell from the trees. Voices and clinking cutlery drifted from inside.
*Sarah?*
I turned. A woman in her forties stood there.
*Im Claire, your neighbour. Moved in five years ago. Your mum talked about you all the time.*
*Really?*
*She was so proud. Said her daughter was a scientist, travelling the world, writing papers. Showed me newspaper clippings.*
My eyes burned.
*Did she mention I abandoned her?*
*You didnt abandon anyone. Life takes us different ways. Margaret understood.*
*Emma doesnt.*
*Shes angry. Its been hard. But that doesnt mean shes right.*
Claire sat beside me.
*Your mum left you a letter. Asked me to give it to you if you came.*
*A letter?*
She handed me an envelope. In Mums handwriting: *For Sarah.*
*Thank you.* My hands shook.
*If you need anythinggreen door, next house.*
She left. I sat there, terrified to open it. Eventually, I stoodonly for Uncle Jack, Mums brother, to step outside.
*Sarah? You actually came.*
*Uncle Jack.* I hugged him. *At least someones glad to see me.*
*Course I am. Come inside.*
*Emma wont let me.*
*Nonsense. This is your home too.*
He led me to the porch, unlocked the door.
*Emma!* he called. *Sarahs here.*
She emerged from the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron.
*Uncle Jack, I asked*
*No, you didnt. Sarah has every right to be here. This is her parents house.*
*The parents she abandoned!*
*Enough, Emma. Margaret wouldnt want this.*
*How would you know?*
*Because I was with her at the end. All she talked about was Sarah. Asked me to tell you to forgive her if she didnt make it back.*
Emma pressed her hands to her face.
*Its not fair. I did everything, and she only cared about you.*
*She loved you both,* Uncle Jack said gently. *Differently. You were here. Sarah wasnt. You worry more about the ones who are far away.*
The wake was in full swingrelatives, neighbours, Mums friends. Silence fell when I entered.
*Hello,* I said.
Some nodded. Others looked away. Aunt Lucy, Dads sister, approached.
*Sarah, Im so sorry. Your mum was a good woman.*
*Thank you.*
Gradually, others offered condolences. Only Emma stayed in the corner, arms crossed.
*Eat something,* Aunt Rose said, setting a plate before me. *You must be hungry.*
*Not really.*
*You should. Your mum wouldve wanted it.*
I picked up a spoon. The soupMums recipe. A lump rose in my throat.
*Hows work?* Uncle Jack asked. *Margaret said youre at the university now?*
*Marine biology. Researching ocean ecosystems.*
*Still travelling?*
*Needs must. Conferences, expeditions.*
*Never married?* Aunt Lucy asked.
*No. Didnt work out.*
*Career woman,* Emma muttered. *Familys not important.*
*Emma* Uncle Jack warned.
*What? Its true. No husband, no kids. Just work.*
I stood.
*Youre right. I chose my career. And I dont regret it. My research matters. It helps protect the oceans for future generations.*
*But you couldnt protect your own mother,* Emma shot back.
*Cancer doesnt care about research!*
*But being there helps! Holding her hand, making tea, staying up when she was in pain!*
*I couldnt have done it!* The words burst out. *Dont you see? I couldnt have watched her fade. Im a coward, okay? I ran! But that doesnt mean I didnt love her!*
Silence. Emma stepped closer.
*Know what she said before she died? Wheres my Sarah? Why wont she come? And I lied. Told her you were on your way. Every single day.*
*Im sorry.*
*For what? That I carried it all alone? That Mum died whispering your name, not mine?*
*Emma*
*No. You think you can just show up, cry at the funeral, and go back to your perfect life. But Im the one left here. With an empty house. With medical debts. With a son growing up without a father.*
*What debts? I sent money.*
*Not enough. Treatment cost more. I remortgaged the house.*
*What? Why didnt you tell me?*
*Pride. And what would it have changed? Youd have sent more? No thanks.*
I pulled out my phone.
*What are you doing?*
*Calling the bank. Finding out how much you owe.*
*Sarah, dont*
*I want to. I can do this. I have the money.*
As I spoke to the bank, guests began leaving. Soon, only Emma, Uncle Jack, and I remained.
*Girls,* he said. *Enough. Your mum wouldnt want this.*
*Mum didnt want a lot of things,* Emma muttered. *But here we are.*
*Read it.* He nodded at the letter in my hands. *Might help.*
He left. Emma and I stood there. I opened the envelope.
*My darling Sarah. I know you blame yourself. Dont. Im not angry. Youre living your life as you should. Im proud of you. Proud my daughter is a scientist, doing important work. Emmas angry, but shell come round. Shes a good girl, just tired. Help each other. Youre sisterssame blood. Your dad would hate seeing you fight. Take care, my love. Know Ive always loved you. Mum.*
I handed it to Emma. She read it, sank into a chair, and cried.
*She was always like this. Making excuses for everyone.*
*Kind-hearted.*
*Too kind. Im the mean one. Angry at you, at myself, at the world.*
I sat beside her, pulled her close.
*You have every right. I was selfish.*
*But Mum forgave you.*
*Will you?*
She wiped her eyes.
*Maybe. One day. Not yet.*
*I understand.*
We sat in silence. Outside, dusk fell. The house smelled of funeral flowers and roast beef.
*Tell me about Mum,* I said. *The last few years.*
*Whats to tell? She was ill. Hopeful. Read a lot. Knew your papers by heart. Bragged to the neighbours.*
*How was she at the end?*
*Went quietly. In her sleep. I brought tea in the morning, and she was gone. Looked peaceful. Almost smiling.*
*At least she wasnt in pain.*
*She was. Just hid it. Said there was no point upsetting us.*
*Us? Me and you?*
*And James. My son. He adored her more than me.*
*Where is he now?*
*At a friends. Didnt want him at the wake. Hes only ten.*
*Can I meet him?*
*Tomorrow. If youre staying.*
*I am. Need to sort the house. Paperwork.*
*And then? Back to London?*
I hesitated.
*I dont know. Work*
*Of course. Work always comes first.*
*Emma, I cant just quit. People rely on me.*
*And I dont?*
*What do you mean?*
*Im tired, Sarah. Ten years alone with a kid. Three years looking after Mum. Sometimes I just want someone to take care of me.*
*Move to London.*
*What?*
*Live with me. Three-bed flatplenty of space. James can go to a good school. Youll find work.*
*Youre serious?*
*Completely. Sell the house, clear the debts. Fresh start.*
Emma shook her head.
*I cant. This is my home. Our home.*
*Home isnt bricks. Its people. And people can live anywhere.*
*Easy for you to say. Youre used to leaving.*
*Just think about it. Dont decide now.*
—
The next morning, I woke in my old roomsame floral wallpaper, same desk, same books. As if time had stood still.
Emma was making breakfast. A boy sat at the tableher mirror image, same brown eyes, same stubborn chin.
*James, this is Aunt Sarah. My sister.*
*Hello,* he said politely.
*Hi, James. Your mums told me about you.*
*Nan talked about you too. Said you study whales.*
*Whales, and the whole ocean.*
*Cool. Can I come on an expedition?*
*James* Emma warned.
*Sure,* I smiled. *When youre older.*
*How longs that?*
*About eight years.*
*Forever!*
Over breakfast, he peppered me with questionsabout the ocean, marine life, my travels.
*Mum, can we visit Aunt Sarah in London?* he burst out.
*James*
*Theyve got an aquarium! And museums! And*
*Well see,* Emma said.
Later, we visited the graveside. Fresh earth, a temporary marker, wreaths. I laid white rosesMums favourite.
*Im sorry, Mum,* I whispered.
Emma squeezed my hand.
*She forgave you. You read the letter.*
*Still hurts.*
*Itll pass. Not straight away, but it will.*
We stood there, hand in hand. Two sistersdifferent, yet bound together.
*You know,* Emma said. *Ill think about London.*
*Really?*
*James deserves a good school. Not many opportunities here.*
*Ill help. Flat, job, everything.*
*I know. You always did help. In your own way.*
On the walk back, Emma stopped.
*Remember when we were kids? Said wed live together when we grew up.*
*You wanted a house with a garden.*
*And you wanted a flat by the sea.*
*No sea in London. But theres the Thames.*
*Close enough,* Emma smiled. *For now.*
That evening, as I packed to leave, she saw me off.
*Sorry about yesterday. The anger just took over.*
*I get it. Id have done the same.*
*No, you wouldnt. You dont hold grudges. Thats me.*
*But youre honest. That matters more.*
We huggedtight, real. Like when we were kids, before the distance.
*Come back in a month,* she said. *Help us move.*
*I will.*
*And dont disappear for another fifteen years.*
*I wont. Promise.*
I waved from the car. Emma and James waved back. The house behind them looked less lonely somehow.
On the way to the airport, I thought about what Mum wrote. Family isnt a place. Its people. And those people should stick togetherforgive, help, stay close.
I texted Emma: *Thank you for opening the door. The second time.*
Her reply came fast: *It was always open. I was just in the way. Wont happen again.*
I smiled. Itll be okay. Mum wouldve been glad.
