Dear Diary,
Im back from the office in Manchester, yearning for a simple supper and a quiet evening with Emily, yet I find myself stuck looking after a child that isnt even mine.
Who did she have that baby for, anyway? For herself or for all of us? I asked, exhausted.
Emily shivered, sighed, and replied, Hes not completely a stranger Honestly, I dont like it either. But Claire asked she needs her nails done, and you cant really go to the salon with a toddler in tow.
I fidgeted with my jacket, unbuttoned it, and flung it onto the back of a chair. I should have been feeding my nephew, but thats far easier in something more comfortable than a suit. The odds of getting a smear of baby puree on my shirt? Fiftyfifty.
I get it, but you cant just skip the manicure, can you? Are you her only helper? Why does our family feel like a nursery? I pressed.
The mum is still around, but she cant manage every day, Emily began, pulling out a packet of pasta.
You, on the other hand, can, I interrupted. You can do everything for everyone except yourself and me.
At first I scowled, then I exhaled and relaxed a little. The expression softened; I knew my wife wasnt my enemyshe was simply indefatigable.
Emily, if you dont get her off your back, shell keep demanding. Youll be the one blamed, because the one who drives the car is the one who rides it, I warned.
Emily pretended to be engrossed in dinner prep, though she secretly knew I was right. She just didnt know how to handle it. She didnt want to become a second mother to her nephew, nor did she want to argue with the family.
It all started innocently enough.
Emily, Im feeling ill and Ive got little Tommy in my arms. I need to pop to the pharmacy, but I cant leave him alone. Im scared we wont make it back together, Claire begged.
Without a second thought, Emily leapt into action, not even considering a delivery service. Her sister was sick, possibly seriously, and needed rescuing.
Soon the rescues became a habit.
A phone repair? Claire called. Out of groceries? Emily was on it. A parcel arrived at the collection point? Emily sprinted like a personal courier.
Emily could afford this because she worked remotely with a flexible schedule, but that didnt make it any easier. Claires house was a fifteenminute walk away. Roundtrip, plus the time spent shopping, queuing, and the little errands in between, easily ate up an hour.
Emily now worked mainly evenings and sometimes nights, when no one was stirring. Her husband, of course, wasnt thrilled, and neither was she. She tried to talk to her sister.
Claire, whats going on with James? Doesnt he help at all? Emily asked cautiously while handing over another Yodel parcel.
Of course he helps, Claire replied readily. He works long hours, comes home exhausted. If I could just have someone watch Tommy while I dash to the shower, the rest is on me.
Claire looked after her own husband but never thought about anyone elses. Emily sniffed and fell silent for a moment.
And his mother? She lives nearby, doesnt she? Emily pressed.
Dont even mention her! Claire rolled her eyes. I dont want anything to do with that old cow. When she shows up, its a mindnumbing marathon of unwanted advice until nightfall. Better to starve than ask her for anything.
Is there really no one else? Emily asked. Lucy also has a toddler about the same age as yours. Maybe you could coordinateone watches, the other runs errands. Or Hannah, who isnt working at all.
It feels awkward to impose on other people, Claire confessed. Theyre not obligated to help.
Its convenient to lean on your own, I thought with a sigh.
After that, Emily decided to try saying no to her sister. Even without prompting from me, she knew it wasnt right.
The next day Claire called, announcing she had an appointment at the salon.
Emily, come over and watch Tommy for an hour, please.
The tone was more a command than a request. It infuriated Emilywhy should she rearrange her entire day just so Claire could get her nails done?
No, Claire. I cant today. Sorry.
What do you mean, cant?
I cant solve all your problems for you. I have a life of my own.
I get it, but what am I supposed to do? Youre the only one I have. Ive already booked, I cant let the stylist down. Shes a character, she wont take anyone else.
Claire, you didnt even run it by me before booking. Im not your errand girl or your mum.
Fine, she snapped after a pause. Its easy for you to say thatyouve got no kids. You dont know how hard it is.
She knew the truth, because Tommy was slowly becoming her son. Emily kept quiet; she was a nonconfrontational person, and even this refusal felt like a monumental effort.
Claire, however, didnt give up. She brought Mum into the fray.
Mum, how could you? Your own sister, with a little one, and you turn her away? Hes the only child we have! Who else will help if not us?
Mum, when she asked me to pick up medicine I went because it was urgent. But when she calls every other day about trivial things Today she even wants a manicure! Is it really that urgent?
Shes a woman; she wants to look nice. Put yourself in her shoes.
Emily raised an eyebrow. No one had ever truly walked in her shoes.
Mum, since youre so clever, why dont you help her yourself?
Me? I can barely get around on my legs! Mum replied. Youre young, its easier for you.
Young, childless, still at homethese were the phrases Emily heard constantly. She was fed up. That day she finally said no.
In retaliation they gave her the silent treatment for a whole week. Both Mum and Claire acted as if Emily didnt exist. Someone else might have taken it in stride, even breathed a sigh of relief, but Emily felt displaced and wondered how to mend things with the family.
A week later Claire called again, asking once more for a babysitting stint while she did her nails. Emily, hating herself for it, gave in and slipped back into the unpaid nanny role. It seemed there were only two options: be ostracised by her own family or endure.
Youre too soft one moment, too harsh the next, my husband warned after hearing the tale. Be careful. Otherwise shell never learn to let go.
Emily sighed, nodding. At midnight she racked her brain for a way to refuse without incurring blame.
Sure enough, in the afternoon the phone rang predictably.
Emily, I cant cope any longer. The little one has a fever, hes crying all morning, and Im running around like a hamster! I cant even sit down, let alone use the loo. Please come, well manage together.
I cant. I have work. Weve got strict monitoring software on the computers now, even lunch breaks are timedjust like an office. Emily lied.
Silence lingered a few seconds. Claire seemed to be looking for a weak spot.
Please, just once, the last time! Ask someone to cover for you, or take a day off.
Claire didnt understand the situation fully. Emily truly had no choice. She pretended to agree.
Fine Ill think of something.
She hung up and texted James for his motherinlaws number, claiming his wife needed urgent help. James didnt refuse, and the motherinlaw, surprised but obliging, agreed to pop over to Claires.
Emily could even tell exactly when the motherinlaw arrived because Claire bombarded her with messages.
Are you completely off your rocker? Why did you rope her into this? Claire typed.
You needed help, so I asked her, Emily replied coolly. I cant be there myself, you know that.
Claire read it but said nothing. In that moment Emily felt a small victory. Not a war, but a tiny battle won. Yes, Claire would be angry. Yes, Mum would probably be displeased again. But now Claire would have to manage on her own or learn to rely on those who truly want to help.
Lesson learned: you cant keep carrying everyones burden forever; setting boundaries is the only way to keep yourself from being swept away.
