**Diary Entry**
I stood frozen by the stove, clutching an empty plate. The remnants of gravy from the beef stew Margaret had just made still clung to the edges. One by one, the pieces of meat vanished from my plate back into the pot, as if she were counting them out deliberately.
*”Pardon?”* I asked, unable to believe my ears.
*”Whats not clear?”* Margaret wiped her hands on her apron and turned to me. *”We never considered you family. You forced your way in.”*
The kitchen fell so silent I could hear the soup bubbling on the hob. I set the plate down on the table, pushing a loose strand of hair from my forehead. My hands shook.
*”Margaret, I dont understand. Victor and I have been married five years! We have a daughter”*
*”So what?”* she cut in. *”Emily is our blood, yes. But you? Youll always be an outsider.”*
The kitchen door creaked open, and Victor walked inhis hair dishevelled, shirt untucked, clearly having dozed off after work.
*”Whats going on?”* He glanced between his mother and me. *”Why the shouting?”*
*”Were not shouting,”* Margaret said smoothly. *”Just talking. Explaining to your wife how things work in this house.”*
Victor frowned, eyes narrowing at me. I stood there, pale, lips pressed tight.
*”Mum, what did you say?”*
*”The truth. That the meat isnt for everyone. Big family, not enough to go around.”*
A lump rose in my throat. So that was it. Five years believing I was part of this family. Five years bending over backwards to please her, enduring her jabs, hoping things would improve.
*”Vic, Im going home,”* I murmured. *”To Mums.”*
*”What do you mean, home?”* Margaret snapped. *”This is your home now. You think you can come and go as you please?”*
*”Mum, enough,”* Victor stepped toward me. *”What happened?”*
I stayed silent. How could I explain that his mother had just made it clear I was nothing here? That even a plate of stew was too much to ask for?
*”Ill pack Emilys things,”* I said instead. *”Well stay with Mum for the weekend.”*
*”And whys that?”* Margaret scoffed. *”Shes got her grandmother right here!”*
*”A grandmother who thinks her mother isnt family,”* I replied quietly. *”Maybe theres a better place for her granddaughter too.”*
I turned to leave, but Victor grabbed my wrist.
*”Lena, wait! Just talk to me properly. Whats happened?”*
I looked at himhis bewildered expression, Margaret pretending to stir the soup.
*”Ask your mother,”* I said. *”Shell explain it better.”*
In the nursery, three-year-old Emily was playing with her dolls. She beamed when she saw me.
*”Mummy! Look, Im feeding Katie!”*
*”Well done, sweetheart,”* I crouched to hug her. *”Are you hungry?”*
*”Yes! Grandma said were having stew tonight!”*
*”We are, love. But you and I are going to have dinner at Granny Sarahs instead.”*
*”Your mum?”* She lit up. *”Yay! Is Daddy coming?”*
*”No, Daddys staying home.”*
I began packing Emilys bagdresses, tights, toys, enough for a few days. As I folded her clothes, Victor appeared in the doorway.
*”Lena, this is childish. Youre leaving over nonsense?”*
*”Childish?”* I straightened, meeting his eyes. *”Your mother just told me Im not family. She took food off my plate. Is that nonsense?”*
*”Mum says stuff all the time! You know how she ishot-headed. Shell forget by tomorrow.”*
*”But I wont, Vic! This isnt the first time.”*
*”Oh, drop it! Shes just tired. Works been stressful.”*
I let out a bitter laugh.
*”Tired? Five years of being tired? And Im always the one she takes it out on.”*
*”Then ignore her!”*
*”Ignore being called a stranger in my own home? Vic, listen to yourself!”*
He rubbed the back of his necka familiar gesture whenever he didnt know what to say.
*”Lena, where will you even go? Were family. We have a child.”*
*”Exactly why Im leaving. I wont let Emily hear her mother being treated like this.”*
*”Whos treating you badly? Mum just spoke her mind.”*
*”Her mind?”* I stopped packing. *”She took food from me, Vic. Said I dont belong. Thats speaking her mind?”*
*”Well… she was blunt. But you know how she is. She raised us alone after Dad died. Shes used to controlling everything.”*
*”And Im supposed to live under that forever?”*
Victor sat on the edge of the bed, taking my hands.
*”Lena, lets not fight. Ill talk to her, okay?”*
*”What will you say? That Im human? That I have feelings?”*
*”Yeah. Ill tell her to back off.”*
I shook my head.
*”Vic, this isnt about rudeness. Its about her never accepting me. And you know it.”*
*”She just needs time”*
*”Five years isnt enough? How much longer?”*
Margarets voice rang from the kitchen.
*”Vic! Dinners ready!”*
He stood.
*”Come on, lets eat. Well talk after.”*
*”No thanks. Ive lost my appetite.”*
He hesitated, then left. I heard him arguing with his mothervoices rising, then fading.
I pulled out my phone and dialled Mum.
*”Sarah? Its me. Can we come over for a few days?”*
*”Of course, love. Whats wrong?”*
*”Ill explain later. Were leaving now.”*
*”Alright. Ive made shepherds pieplenty to go round.”*
I smiled faintly. Mum always said that*plenty to go round*. Never counted portions.
Emily chattered excitedly on the bus, telling me about her dolls and plans for tomorrow.
*”Mummy, why didnt Daddy come?”* she asked as we reached Mums house.
*”Daddys working, sweetheart. Hell visit soon.”*
Mum greeted us warmly. Sarah was everything Margaret wasntkind, gentle, always ready to help.
*”Ive missed you!”* She scooped Emily up. *”Look how big youve grown!”*
*”Granny, do you have new stories?”*
*”Of course! Well read after dinner.”*
At the table, Mum served generous helpings, murmuring, *”Eat up, Lena, youve lost weight. Dont they feed you?”*
*”They do. Just havent been hungry.”*
*”Well, youre home now. Thatll help.”*
*Home.* I glanced aroundthe cosy kitchen with floral curtains, the old china cabinet, photos on the walls. Here, no one called me an outsider.
Later, after Emily fell asleep, Mum and I sat with tea.
*”Tell me what happened,”* she said softly.
I explainedthe stew, Margarets words. Mum listened quietly, shaking her head.
*”And how did Vic react?”*
*”Like always. Said she was tired, that I should ignore it.”*
*”I see.”* She stirred her tea. *”How do you feel?”*
*”Exhausted. Five years of trying, and she still wont accept me.”*
*”Give me examples.”*
*”The way I cook, clean, raise Emily. When Emily was ill last month, Margaret said I was a bad mother.”*
*”And Vic?”*
*”Silent. Or says shes just worried about Emily.”*
Mum set her cup down.
*”Lena, are you happy in this marriage?”*
The question startled me. I stared out the window, at the evening lights.
*”I dont know. I used to be. Now… I feel like an outsider in my own family.”*
*”Why didnt you tell me sooner?”*
*”I thought itd pass. That shed get used to me.”*
*”Seems she hasnt.”*
We sat in silence, sipping tea as rain began to patter outside.
*”Mum, when you married Dad, how did his mother treat you?”*
She smiled.
*”Your Grandma Mary? Called me daughter from day one. Treated me better than her own girl, truth be told.”*
*”Why do you think?”*
*”Because she saw I loved her son. And he loved me. Where theres love, theres room for everyone.”*
I pondered that. Did Vic love me? Truly? Or was it just habit?
My phone rangVictors name flashing.
*”Lena, where are you?”* His voice was tense.
*”At Mums. Like I said.”*
*”When are you coming home?”*
*”I dont know. Maybe Sunday.”*
*”What do you mean? Youve got work tomorrow!”*
*”I took leave. Said I was sick.”*
A pause.
*”Lena, stop sulking. Come home. Well talk properly.”*
*”About what, Vic? That your mother doesnt see me as human?”*
*”Oh, come off it! Shes just… set in her ways. Needs time.”*
*”Five years isnt enough?”*
*”Lena, dont make this harder. Were family.”*
*”Your family. Seems I dont have one.”*
I hung up. Mum wordlessly handed me a tissue.
*”Cry if you need to.”*
But there were no tears. Just emptinessand a strange relief, like a weight lifted.
The next morning, Mum went to the market. I stayed with Emily, playing, reading, making clay shapes. She was happy hereGranny Sarah let her do things the other grandmother forbade.
*”Mummy, why arent we home?”* she asked at lunch.
*”Were visiting Granny.”*
*”How long?”*
*”Not sure, love.”*
*”Will Daddy come?”*
I studied her small, earnest face. So young, yet sensing something was wrong.
*”Daddys working. But he loves us.”*
*”Does Granny Margaret love us?”*
I sighed.
*”She loves you. Youre her granddaughter.”*
*”And you?”*
I hesitated. How to explain adult cruelty to a three-year-old?
*”Fancy hide-and-seek?”*
She clapped and dashed off to hide.
That evening, Vic called again.
*”Lena, Mum wants to apologise.”*
*”Really?”*
*”Yeah. She realises she was out of line.”*
*”And what exactly does she realise?”*
*”Well… that it was wrong. That youre family.”*
I shook my head.
*”Vic, shes saying it because you made her. Not because she means it.”*
*”Does it matter? Shes apologising!”*
*”It matters. Because itll happen again.”*
*”It wont. Ive talked to her properly.”*
*”What did you say?”*
He hesitated.
*”That youre my wife. And she has to respect you.”*
*”Because you ordered her to?”*
*”Lena, why pick fights? Im on your side!”*
*”Then why stay silent for five years? Let her belittle me?”*
*”I didnt”*
*”You did, Vic! Your silence let it happen!”*
Margarets voice carried in the background:
*”Tell her I made soup! Her favourite, with meatballs!”*
I closed my eyes. Even now, she couldnt just apologise. Had to flaunt false care.
*”Vic, I need time.”*
*”Time for what? Come home tomorrow.”*
*”It wont fix everything,”* I whispered. *”I cant live like this anymore.”*
*”What do you mean?”*
*”I cant raise Emily where Im disrespected. Cant stay in a house where Im unwelcome.”*
*”Lena, what are you saying?”*
*”That I need to think. About us. Our marriage. The future.”*
Silence. Then:
*”Do you want a divorce?”*
*”I dont know. Maybe.”*
*”Because of Mum?”*
*”No. Because of you. Because you never stood up for me. Not once in five years.”*
I hung up and switched off my phone. My hands trembled, but my mind was clearer.
Mum returned, arms laden with groceries.
*”Help me unpack,”* she said. *”Got extra mincewell make Emilys favourite meatballs.”*
I helped quietly. There was plentyenough for everyone, with leftovers.
*”Mum, whats most important in a family?”*
She paused.
*”Love, I suppose. And respect. Without those, its not a family.”*
*”And if ones missing?”*
*”Then its just suffering.”*
I nodded. Mum always knew how to say things simply.
That night, we watched cartoons with Emily nestled between us, warm and content.
*”Mummy, are we going home tomorrow?”* she asked sleepily.
*”Maybe,”* I said. *”Do you want to?”*
*”Not really. Its nicer here. Grannys kind.”*
Children sense more than adults think.
The next morning, the doorbell rang. Victor stood there, holding flowers.
*”Hi,”* he said uncertainly. *”Can I come in?”*
Mum let him in and went to make tea. Emily ran to him, delighted.
*”Daddy! You came!”*
*”Course I did, princess. Missed you.”*
He sat beside me on the sofa.
*”Lena, Ive been thinking. Youre right. I shouldve protected you.”*
*”And now?”*
*”Now things change. I promise.”*
*”How?”*
He pulled keys from his pocket.
*”I rented us a flat. For a month to start. Well try living separately.”*
I stared at him.
*”Seriously?”*
*”Yes. Mum objected, but I insisted. Told her my family comes first.”*
*”What did she say?”*
*”Plenty. But it doesnt matter now.”*
I took the keys. Small, ordinaryyet they meant a new beginning. A chance without interference.
*”Vic, what if it doesnt work? If we cant afford it?”*
*”Well manage. Ill work more. Take extra shifts.”*
Mum brought in a tray.
*”Teas ready. Vic, will you eat?”*
*”Thanks, Sarah. Id love to.”*
She set the table, serving equal portionsno one favoured, no one left out.
*”Well,”* she said, sitting down, *”shall we toast to the new place?”*
I looked at Victor, then Mum, then Emily, carefully buttering her toast.
*”Yes,”* I said. *”We absolutely should.”*
Tomorrow, wed see the flatours, even if rented. A place where no one counted portions or decided who belonged.
Where thered always be room at the table.
