It was many years ago, and I still recall how relentless my sisterinlaw, Claire, could be. Again? I muttered, For whose sake did she even have that baby? For herself or for us? I come home from the office, want to sit down to dinner, unwind a bit, and instead Im forced to mind a strangers child.
She isnt quite a stranger, Claire shivered, sighing. Honestly, I dont like it either, but she asked She needs her nails done, and you cant take a baby to a salon.
Thomas fidgeted with his jacket, flinging it onto the chair. He needed to feed his nephew, and that was far easier in his homeclothes. The odds of getting splattered with baby purée were fiftyfifty.
I get it, I tried, but you cant be so particular about her nails? Are you the only one who can help? Why does our family feel like a nursery?
Moms still around, but she cant manage every day, I began, reaching for the spaghetti.
You, on the other hand, Thomas cut in, can do everything for everyone except yourself and me.
He first frowned, then exhaled and softened his expression. He knew my wife wasnt his enemy; she was simply indefatigable.
Claire, if you dont take her off your shoulders, shell keep leeching onto you, and youll be blamed for it. The one who drives the cart is the one who sits in it.
I pretended to be engrossed in the kitchen, though I knew Thomas was right. I just didnt know how to act on it. I didnt want to become a second mother to my nephew, nor quarrel with the family.
It all began innocently.
Emily, Im feeling poorly and Ive got little Ben in my arms. I need to pop to the chemist, but I cant leave him alone. Could you help, please?
Without a second thought, I rushed to the front line, ignoring the possibility of a delivery service. My sister was ill, perhaps gravely, and I felt I had to rescue her.
Soon I was rescuing her constantly.
Need the phone fixed? Claire called. Out of groceries? I was on it. A parcel arrived at the collection point? I sprinted like a private courier.
I could afford this. I worked remotely with a flexible schedule, so I could drift between tasks. That didnt mean it was convenient. Claires house was a fifteenminute walk away; the round trip, plus the time spent shopping, queuing and the countless small errands, ate up at least an hour.
I shifted my work to evenings and sometimes nights, when nobody else was stirring. Thomas, of course, wasnt thrilled, and neither was I. I tried to talk to Claire.
Claire, what about Mark? Doesnt he ever pitch in? I asked gently while handing over another parcel from the courier.
He does, she replied promptly. He works, comes home exhausted, and hopes I can watch Ben while I dash to the shower. The rest is on me.
Claire guarded her own husband but never thought of a strangers. I snorted and fell silent for a moment.
And his mother? She lives right next door, doesnt she?
Dont even mention her! Claire rolled her eyes. I want nothing to do with that toad. When she shows up, its a brainmeltdown until evening. Shes not a woman, shes a fountain of unwanted advice. Better to starve than to ask her for anything.
Is there really no one else? I pressed. Lucys little one is about the same age as yours. Maybe we could swap one watches, the other runs errands. Or Emily, who doesnt work at all.
It feels wrong to burden strangers, Claire confessed. They arent obliged.
Our own are easy to lean on, I thought with a sigh.
After that, I resolved to say no to Claire. Even without Thomass prompting, I knew it shouldnt be that way.
The opportunity came quickly: the very next day Claire rang, saying shed booked a salon appointment.
Hannah, come sit with Ben for an hour. Im only out for a bit.
Her tone was more command than request. She wasnt asking; she was declaring that I would help. That infuriated me. Why should I upend all my plans just so she could get her nails done?
No, Claire. I cant today. Im sorry.
What do you mean you cant?
Exactly. I cant solve all your problems. I have a life too.
I understand, but what am I to do? Youre the only one I have. Ive already booked, I cant let the stylist down. Shell never accept anyone else.
Claire, you didnt consult me before booking. Im not your errandgirl or your nanny. Sort it out yourself.
Fine then, she snapped after a pause. Its easy for you to say you have no children. You dont know how hard it is.
She knew the truth, for Ben was gradually becoming my son. Yet I chose to stay silent; I was a nonconfrontational soul, and even that refusal felt like a feat.
Claire wouldnt give up. She brought Mum into it.
Mum, how could you? she began. Shes our sister, she has a toddler, and you turn her away! Shes alone! Who will help her if not us?
Mum, when she asked me to fetch medicine I went, because it was urgent. But now she calls every other day about trivial things Today shes even asked for a salon slot! Is it really that urgent?
She wants to look pretty, Mum said. Put yourself in her shoes.
I raised an eyebrow. No one had ever tried to see things from my side.
Mum, if youre so clever, why not help her yourself?
I? Mum replied, surprised. I can barely move my feet! Youre young, its easier for you.
Youre always hearing young, childless, stay at home, I thought, weary of the constant chorus. That day I finally stood my ground and refused to help.
In retaliation they gave me the silent treatment. For a whole week both Mum and Claire acted as though I didnt exist. Someone else might have taken it in stride, but I felt adrift, searching for a way to mend the family.
So when, a week later, Claire called again, begging me to watch Ben while she got her manicure, I gave in. I hated myself for it, but I slipped back into the role of unpaid babysitter. It seemed there were only two options: become an outcast in my own family or endure.
Hannah, youre too soft, youll end up with a sore shoulder, Thomas warned after hearing my story. Be careful. Otherwise shell never let go.
I exhaled, nodding. At midnight I lay awake, plotting how to refuse without attracting blame.
The phone rang predictably the next day.
Hannah, I cant cope any longer. Ben has a fever, hes wailing, and Im running like a hamster on a wheel! I cant even sit down, let alone use the loo. Come over, well manage him together.
I cant, I lied. I have work. Weve installed monitoring software on our computers, even lunch breaks are timed, just like an office.
Silence stretched on the line. Claire seemed to be looking for a weak spot.
Please, just once, the last time! Ask someone to cover for you, or take a day off.
She didnt grasp the simple truth: I had no choice. I pretended to concede.
Alright Ill think of something.
I hung up and texted Mark for my motherinlaws number, saying his wife urgently needed help. Mark didnt refuse, and my motherinlaw, surprised, agreed to pop over to Claires. I even knew the exact minute she arrived, because Claire bombarded me with messages.
Youve gone mad! Claire typed. Why did you send her after me?
I gave you what you asked for, I replied calmly. I cant be there myself, you know that.
She read the messages and stayed silent. In that moment I felt a small victory. Not a war, but a tiny battle won. Claire would still sulk, Mum would probably be displeased again, but now the sister would have to fend for herself or learn to get help from those willing to lend a hand.
